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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 120780" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>The thing is...even if another decision is required, it should be up to your difficult child to make that decision. He's 24 years old. There's not a country in the world where a 24-year-old is not considered an adult. He's a fully grown adult with all of the privileges and responsibilities that come with adulthood.</p><p></p><p>Including...Making. His. Own. Decisions. For good or bad, HE needs to be the one making them.</p><p></p><p>Just my opinion, but I think that you should instruct the Ministry man to speak directly to your son from now on. Don't accept his calls, cancel the meeting you have and don't schedule another one. If your son's lawyer's office calls, instruct them to contact him directly. Don't accept calls, or do any of the running around on your son's behalf.</p><p></p><p>Have you noticed that your son still asks you to do things for him and gets miffed when you don't, every time you have contact with him? That's because you're still chasing around trying to clean up your son's mess. Your behaviour is inconsistent, and your difficult child is trying to get you to toe the line.</p><p></p><p>That's just not acceptable. You need to let go. This isn't about you, or anything you did wrong, or anything you can fix if you just try hard enough. It's about your <strong>son</strong>, and <em><strong>his </strong></em>bad choices, and the work <em><strong>he </strong></em>is going to have to do to clean up his life. If you don't let go, you're never going to give your son the chance to earn the self respect that comes from doing things for himself. </p><p></p><p>Your son will either turn his life around or he won't. But that's entirely up to him. The longer you keep doing things for him, the less likely that he will realize he needs to do for himself.</p><p></p><p>Just like the title of your thread says, Susan, you need to move on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 120780, member: 3907"] The thing is...even if another decision is required, it should be up to your difficult child to make that decision. He's 24 years old. There's not a country in the world where a 24-year-old is not considered an adult. He's a fully grown adult with all of the privileges and responsibilities that come with adulthood. Including...Making. His. Own. Decisions. For good or bad, HE needs to be the one making them. Just my opinion, but I think that you should instruct the Ministry man to speak directly to your son from now on. Don't accept his calls, cancel the meeting you have and don't schedule another one. If your son's lawyer's office calls, instruct them to contact him directly. Don't accept calls, or do any of the running around on your son's behalf. Have you noticed that your son still asks you to do things for him and gets miffed when you don't, every time you have contact with him? That's because you're still chasing around trying to clean up your son's mess. Your behaviour is inconsistent, and your difficult child is trying to get you to toe the line. That's just not acceptable. You need to let go. This isn't about you, or anything you did wrong, or anything you can fix if you just try hard enough. It's about your [B]son[/B], and [I][B]his [/B][/I]bad choices, and the work [I][B]he [/B][/I]is going to have to do to clean up his life. If you don't let go, you're never going to give your son the chance to earn the self respect that comes from doing things for himself. Your son will either turn his life around or he won't. But that's entirely up to him. The longer you keep doing things for him, the less likely that he will realize he needs to do for himself. Just like the title of your thread says, Susan, you need to move on. [/QUOTE]
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