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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 121643" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Susan, when do you stop???? Why do you need to tell your son that he isn't ready for rehab, that he just wants a get out of jail free card? He knows this. Let the ministry man tell him -- it will have more impact coming from him, anyway. Your son will discover he's not as good at conning as he thinks he is.</p><p> </p><p>Step back. Love him. Maybe put a little money in his account to buy the basics, make phone calls and maybe one or two treats. Visit him but be prepared to leave when the manipulations start -- just warn him that will happen. Send him little gifts -- not just those about religion or rehab, but a book he would enjoy, something he could do to occupy himself while in jail. </p><p> </p><p>Don't take on any more burdens about what he needs to do and don't tell him what to do. Let him figure it out himself. It might mean more to him in the long run. Practice comforting phrases and ideas ("I know, dear." "I hope you can find the answer." "I hope you can find someone who can help with this.") Also practice the strong replies ("I'm sorry, I can't help with that." "No, we can't do that." "You need to do this for yourself. We can't do it for you any more.") Who knows, it might even get him off his duff to do something instead of whining to you and making you feel guilty for his bad choices.</p><p> </p><p>You're not deserting him. You're still his mother but he put himself in jail. Let him get himself out. Quit helping for now. He hasn't earned the privilege of you doing extra for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 121643, member: 3626"] Susan, when do you stop???? Why do you need to tell your son that he isn't ready for rehab, that he just wants a get out of jail free card? He knows this. Let the ministry man tell him -- it will have more impact coming from him, anyway. Your son will discover he's not as good at conning as he thinks he is. Step back. Love him. Maybe put a little money in his account to buy the basics, make phone calls and maybe one or two treats. Visit him but be prepared to leave when the manipulations start -- just warn him that will happen. Send him little gifts -- not just those about religion or rehab, but a book he would enjoy, something he could do to occupy himself while in jail. Don't take on any more burdens about what he needs to do and don't tell him what to do. Let him figure it out himself. It might mean more to him in the long run. Practice comforting phrases and ideas ("I know, dear." "I hope you can find the answer." "I hope you can find someone who can help with this.") Also practice the strong replies ("I'm sorry, I can't help with that." "No, we can't do that." "You need to do this for yourself. We can't do it for you any more.") Who knows, it might even get him off his duff to do something instead of whining to you and making you feel guilty for his bad choices. You're not deserting him. You're still his mother but he put himself in jail. Let him get himself out. Quit helping for now. He hasn't earned the privilege of you doing extra for him. [/QUOTE]
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