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Parent Emeritus
Much needed advice please.....
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 608536" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>JKF, I was just reading through your posts and I want to tell you something I really want you to hear...........</p><p></p><p><strong>you are a really good Mom.</strong> </p><p></p><p>I know how much we beat ourselves up about our kids and the choices they make. We tend to think we can help them and we keep trying to do that for a very long time, all the while thinking if we had somehow done more or done better we could have prevented this. In addition, as with you and me, if our kids are "out there" we think what awful people we are, here in our homes all safe and cozy while our kids are homeless, on the streets, cold, hungry................you know the drill................well, that is all the illusion we parents carry around with us, this useless and needless guilt, this burden of responsibility for these young people who continue to make poor choices and blithely walk through life without any sense of personal responsibility while we get depleted, exhausted and lose a sense of joy for our own lives. None of that is true, it is a parental delusion based in expectations of parenting that is not only unrealistic, it is damaging to everyone. Let all of that go. </p><p></p><p>MrMike said it well, our kids are angry at us for enabling them. It is a classic case of the victim persecuting the rescuer because the rescuer has taken away their ability make it on their own. No matter how much our kids demand of us to rescue them, we do them a huge disservice in it. Ultimately the kids anger is directed at us for trying to save them. An irony isn't it?</p><p></p><p>You've done <strong>everything</strong> for your son. And, you did it from your heart with the intention of making his life healthier. Whether that works or not is not even the question anymore, he has a chance, you gave that to him, what he does with it is <em>his choice.</em> </p><p></p><p>Go into your life and enjoy each moment of it. Your easy child, your husband and yourself. Take it from me ('cause I'm <em>almost </em>older then dirt!) and know you did EVERYTHING possible for your son................ <em>let go, relax, rest and have fun.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 608536, member: 13542"] JKF, I was just reading through your posts and I want to tell you something I really want you to hear........... [B]you are a really good Mom.[/B] I know how much we beat ourselves up about our kids and the choices they make. We tend to think we can help them and we keep trying to do that for a very long time, all the while thinking if we had somehow done more or done better we could have prevented this. In addition, as with you and me, if our kids are "out there" we think what awful people we are, here in our homes all safe and cozy while our kids are homeless, on the streets, cold, hungry................you know the drill................well, that is all the illusion we parents carry around with us, this useless and needless guilt, this burden of responsibility for these young people who continue to make poor choices and blithely walk through life without any sense of personal responsibility while we get depleted, exhausted and lose a sense of joy for our own lives. None of that is true, it is a parental delusion based in expectations of parenting that is not only unrealistic, it is damaging to everyone. Let all of that go. MrMike said it well, our kids are angry at us for enabling them. It is a classic case of the victim persecuting the rescuer because the rescuer has taken away their ability make it on their own. No matter how much our kids demand of us to rescue them, we do them a huge disservice in it. Ultimately the kids anger is directed at us for trying to save them. An irony isn't it? You've done [B]everything[/B] for your son. And, you did it from your heart with the intention of making his life healthier. Whether that works or not is not even the question anymore, he has a chance, you gave that to him, what he does with it is [I]his choice.[/I] Go into your life and enjoy each moment of it. Your easy child, your husband and yourself. Take it from me ('cause I'm [I]almost [/I]older then dirt!) and know you did EVERYTHING possible for your son................ [I]let go, relax, rest and have fun.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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Much needed advice please.....
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