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Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Much needed advice please.....
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<blockquote data-quote="JKF" data-source="post: 608611" data-attributes="member: 12470"><p>Long story short - the kid's public FB page has difficult child's new town listed as his current town so I asked difficult child is the kid was there and if not why was his town listed as that? difficult child said he didn't know. But obviously that's a lie because the kid is flying out there today according to the emails they sent back and forth. </p><p></p><p>Also, I sent difficult child a message saying some things I needed to say. I won't go into too much detail but I basically told him that I love him, I've done all I can do to help him, and while I still want to be a big part of his life, it's time for me to let go and let him take control. Before I sent the message I ran it past my best friend, who has known difficult child since birth and also works in the mental health field. She said it was perfect, he needs to hear those things, and I need to say them in order to move on. So I sent it. He, of course, saw the whole thing as a huge criticism and wrote back saying why don't I just leave him alone and go be a parent to easy child since I was never a mother to him. I just replied with "I'm sorry you feel that way. Have a great day. Love you." And you know what? I didn't even feel guilty or hurt over his nasty reply. This is the same old manipulation and guilt trip that he's laid on me for years. I don't feel any of those old feelings I used to have when he'd say something like that to me. So I look at that as progress!</p><p></p><p>Anyway, after that, I emailed my dad to tell him that I'm backing off now and will only be in sporadic contact with difficult child. Perhaps weekly instead of 17 times daily. It's time for difficult child to figure out things on his own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JKF, post: 608611, member: 12470"] Long story short - the kid's public FB page has difficult child's new town listed as his current town so I asked difficult child is the kid was there and if not why was his town listed as that? difficult child said he didn't know. But obviously that's a lie because the kid is flying out there today according to the emails they sent back and forth. Also, I sent difficult child a message saying some things I needed to say. I won't go into too much detail but I basically told him that I love him, I've done all I can do to help him, and while I still want to be a big part of his life, it's time for me to let go and let him take control. Before I sent the message I ran it past my best friend, who has known difficult child since birth and also works in the mental health field. She said it was perfect, he needs to hear those things, and I need to say them in order to move on. So I sent it. He, of course, saw the whole thing as a huge criticism and wrote back saying why don't I just leave him alone and go be a parent to easy child since I was never a mother to him. I just replied with "I'm sorry you feel that way. Have a great day. Love you." And you know what? I didn't even feel guilty or hurt over his nasty reply. This is the same old manipulation and guilt trip that he's laid on me for years. I don't feel any of those old feelings I used to have when he'd say something like that to me. So I look at that as progress! Anyway, after that, I emailed my dad to tell him that I'm backing off now and will only be in sporadic contact with difficult child. Perhaps weekly instead of 17 times daily. It's time for difficult child to figure out things on his own. [/QUOTE]
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Parent Emeritus
Much needed advice please.....
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