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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 493261" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>First of all Mrs CatInTheHat I have missed you! I hope you keep posting. Thanks for responding.</p><p></p><p>Exhausted your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so, so much for your encouragement. I realized after reading your post that a lack of positive affirmation in my life might be the cause for dragging my feet. Why should I do anything when no one cares? I don't have anyone in my life that I feel really "believes" in me...and that can make one feel like becoming completely stagnant. I guess the only way I can overcome that is feed positive affirmations to myself. That and get involved with places with people, which I don't do easily.</p><p></p><p>Step - you know the other reason I moved to WA is because of my extended family. I felt like since I didn't have my sister or dad that I should try and bond with the family that I do have left. Well, that was just a dream, because in reality they are just as distant and shallow as they always were. There were promises between my cousin and I that we would hang out a lot - haha - she hasn't accepted one of my invites. And then there was the Christmas fiasco. And during that Christmas fiasco I realized that my Aunt had done a huge blog/website about my dad - his life and death - with my cousin's poem about him on the home page. To backtrack - when my Dad died my aunt and uncle asked their daughter who is a professional poet, to write a poem for the memorial. I was not aware of this, and I also wrote a poem. My Aunt created the memorial program and put her daughter's poem in the memorial program, not mine. Then when we scattered my dad's ashes, they read my cousin's poem, not mine. And now this blog/website -- I am just like -- whatever. I am trying not to be petty, but every time I read the poem I wrote I cry, because it embodies completely who he was as a Dad. My cousin's poem sounds like something that should be in a magazine, written about someone I don't know. And yes, it just really summarizes the lack of depth these people have - the rest of my family that I was supposed to become closer to - I don't even like.</p><p></p><p>Malika I cried when I read your post, because that is surely the other part of this. Nature. When I moved to AZ it was the first time in my life I had ever felt at peace with my world. I loved the sand, the heat, the harsh weather, the 50mph winds, the mountains, the Colorado River. It was MINE, and like you said I felt balanced. Here I look at the mountains and I just kind of shrug my shoulders - like eh, they're pretty I guess. Every night in AZ I would sit on my balcony and watch the sun go down over the lake. It was always so intensely beautiful it still makes me cry when I think about it. I feel like a lost a best friend by moving. I know that sounds weird to some....but Northern AZ is just where I was always meatn to be....and I need to be back there. I know staying here is just temporary, and when spring comes it will be prettier, and that will help. But yes, I am out of balance completely with nature.</p><p></p><p>Thanks to all of you who really do care. This board means a lot to me, especially lately. And all of your input is actually really helping me unravel this. Encouragement, Nature, Affirmation, Peace, Writing, those are the things that will help me get unstuck.</p><p></p><p>Last night my only friend Gabriel called and started teasing me about how many posts I put on facebook about dog food recalls. I realized right then and there that he doesn't like certain parts of me. His teasing is not haha, it is teasing because he thinks I am dumb about some things. I think he genuinely cares, but he does not genuinely like me. Those kinds of people in my life need to stop existing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 493261, member: 3301"] First of all Mrs CatInTheHat I have missed you! I hope you keep posting. Thanks for responding. Exhausted your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so, so much for your encouragement. I realized after reading your post that a lack of positive affirmation in my life might be the cause for dragging my feet. Why should I do anything when no one cares? I don't have anyone in my life that I feel really "believes" in me...and that can make one feel like becoming completely stagnant. I guess the only way I can overcome that is feed positive affirmations to myself. That and get involved with places with people, which I don't do easily. Step - you know the other reason I moved to WA is because of my extended family. I felt like since I didn't have my sister or dad that I should try and bond with the family that I do have left. Well, that was just a dream, because in reality they are just as distant and shallow as they always were. There were promises between my cousin and I that we would hang out a lot - haha - she hasn't accepted one of my invites. And then there was the Christmas fiasco. And during that Christmas fiasco I realized that my Aunt had done a huge blog/website about my dad - his life and death - with my cousin's poem about him on the home page. To backtrack - when my Dad died my aunt and uncle asked their daughter who is a professional poet, to write a poem for the memorial. I was not aware of this, and I also wrote a poem. My Aunt created the memorial program and put her daughter's poem in the memorial program, not mine. Then when we scattered my dad's ashes, they read my cousin's poem, not mine. And now this blog/website -- I am just like -- whatever. I am trying not to be petty, but every time I read the poem I wrote I cry, because it embodies completely who he was as a Dad. My cousin's poem sounds like something that should be in a magazine, written about someone I don't know. And yes, it just really summarizes the lack of depth these people have - the rest of my family that I was supposed to become closer to - I don't even like. Malika I cried when I read your post, because that is surely the other part of this. Nature. When I moved to AZ it was the first time in my life I had ever felt at peace with my world. I loved the sand, the heat, the harsh weather, the 50mph winds, the mountains, the Colorado River. It was MINE, and like you said I felt balanced. Here I look at the mountains and I just kind of shrug my shoulders - like eh, they're pretty I guess. Every night in AZ I would sit on my balcony and watch the sun go down over the lake. It was always so intensely beautiful it still makes me cry when I think about it. I feel like a lost a best friend by moving. I know that sounds weird to some....but Northern AZ is just where I was always meatn to be....and I need to be back there. I know staying here is just temporary, and when spring comes it will be prettier, and that will help. But yes, I am out of balance completely with nature. Thanks to all of you who really do care. This board means a lot to me, especially lately. And all of your input is actually really helping me unravel this. Encouragement, Nature, Affirmation, Peace, Writing, those are the things that will help me get unstuck. Last night my only friend Gabriel called and started teasing me about how many posts I put on facebook about dog food recalls. I realized right then and there that he doesn't like certain parts of me. His teasing is not haha, it is teasing because he thinks I am dumb about some things. I think he genuinely cares, but he does not genuinely like me. Those kinds of people in my life need to stop existing. [/QUOTE]
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