My 3 yr old son's behavior {new here}

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by HeatherDiann, Nov 12, 2006.

  1. HeatherDiann

    HeatherDiann New Member

    Let me first say Hello, I'm really glad that I came upon this site, it's nice to know that i'm not alone, and that there might be help in saving my sanity. :smile:
    My 3 year old is basically out of control most of the time. He's hitting, punching, yelling, saying he hates people. I have tried just about everything for discipline, and nothing works. I absolutely cannot take him to a restraunt, I dread shopping trips. He is pretty impulsive as well; will not hesitate to start running down the street or away from me in public. He has even tried to hit someone that was just walking by us.
    There are times when he can be the sweetest little boy, but then he goes off and gets mad, and will just be outrageous. He is pretty smart for his age, has alot of logical thinking that my daughter didn't have at his age, he knows his alphabet, knows his shapes, knows how to count almost to 10. I'm having alot of problems trying to potty train him; he simply refuses.
    I do attribute some of his issues to his father not being around (he is in prison, Gabriel has never seen him, but has talked to him on the phone).
    There is a family history of mental disorders (bi-polar, my sis is on anti-psycotics) and obviously, his father has issues.
    I am not sure if this could be 'normal' three year old behavior or if it's more. I'm trying to find any resources i can to have him evaluated and such.
    Any thoughts would be very much appreciated.

    Thanks!
    ~*Heather*~
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    in my opinion, and not to alarm you because I'm sure you know this, it's not normal three year old behavior. I've had five three year olds. Even my son on the autistic spectrum didn't react to that extreme. I would want him assessed by a multi-disciplanary evaluation, which is group of professionals usually at a university hospital. The genetic history suggests it could be one of many things or a combination, and each problem is treated differently. You need a break and so does your child. Please get him evaluated and I recommend not just a therapist for this sort of behavior. Also buy "The Explosive Child" by Ross Green as you wait for an evaluation. Any reputable place for an evaluation has a waiting list, but in my opinion waiting for a better place is worth it as opposed to getting in to see somebody right away who is not as knowledgeable. You may want to do a signature, like I have done on the bottom to show us your family tree. Obviously, Dad had some psychiatric or neurological issues or both. And bipolar is very hereditary, but he has red flags for other things too. Call your nearest University Hospital or Children's Hospital and try to get him in. Also contact your School District for possible interventions, and they WILL evaluate, but I wouldn't rely on their advice. They got my son wrong every time. JMHO. Good luck.
     
  3. HeatherDiann

    HeatherDiann New Member

    Thank you.
    I am now just working on finding somewhere to have him evaluated at.
    Hopefully, I can get him a little better before he starts school.
     
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome. Your son sounds an awful lot like my Duckie at that age.
    Take a two-pronged approach for the evaluation: private and school-based. First go through your pediatrician and ask to get an appointment set up with a multidisciplinary team. Go through your county zero to three program if you don't have insurance. You want him evaluated for speech, gross & fine motor skills, social skills, psychological, intelligence, hearing, sight as well as a full medical physical. Second, send a certified letter to your school district requesting a full & complete evaluation (encompassing everything but the physical listed above). Do everything you can to get a complete family history between now and the appts. Write a up a medical/developmental history (start now!) of your son to give to each set of evaluators. See the FAQ's of the site on what to include in the parent report.
    I think I would be spending my time right now trying to figure out what the underlying issues are and what triggers his outbursts. Is he angry or overwhelmed or frustrated? Does he cringe at loud noises, seek lots of physical attention or refuse certain textures of clothing/foods? Does he seek limits or refuse limits? Does he seek to control situations or react to situations? Is there an underlying issue contributing to his well being (such as Dad in prison, financial hardship, sleep problems?).
    You are right, you aren't alone anymore.
     
  5. Ltlredhen

    Ltlredhen New Member

    Hi and welcome to the board! MWM gave you lots of good advice and I have to agree, he doesn't sound like a normal 3 yr old

    Do a signature profile, when you have the chance. It will help us get to know you a little better and maybe help us not to ask you the same questions over and over.

    Does he or has he attended any sort of daycare setting?
    Does he behave worse in some stores than others?

    I have been where you are and know just how tough it is. Hang in there, we will help if we can. We are just moms here but can share our experiences with you. Maybe something will help you in your journey with your little guy.

    And one more thing... start a journal if you haven't already. Write down how he behaves, what is happening at the time, has he eaten etc.. All of this will help when you have him evaluated.
    Donna
     
  6. Welcome to the site! Yeah, your cub sounds a lot like mine at that age. Mine was allegedly not speech delayed, but his speech didn't develop nearly as quickly as my daughter's had, so we had to wait until he was about 4 to get the I'm-going-to-kill-you rages. Before that he just yelled. I actually considered it progress that he could verbalize any of his rage. Sad, huh? Amazing what you get used to. Anyway, there is hope!

    You've gotten a lot of good advice so far. It's good to get some evaluations even though (or maybe, especially because) they don't agree. You need a doctor you really trust. Or at least mostly trust! And The Explosive Child is worth every dime. I swear by it. There's a great thread here in about adapting it to younger cubs.

    I viewed medications as a last resort since no one knows how someone is going to react to a drug and how much it takes to get the desired response. So, we tried a lot of other things first. However, it got to the point where there weren't a lot of options, so we agreed to try them. The first three didn't do anything good at all for us; in fact, the Risperdal was a flipping nightmare. Works well for a lot of people but not in this house. My son is on a relatively low dose of Lamictal now and he is SO much better. Still a handful and we get the occasional rage, but not like it was.

    My son is now almost six and has been on the Lamictal since about February. His bad days now are what his good days were a year and a half ago. Really. I can't tell you how many times we hauled him out of stores, parks, wherever, and we haven't had to haul him out of a public place in months. We'd put him in his room and hold the door shut when he'd start hurting people and he'd scream for what seemed like forever and throw his trains etc up against the door, which is naturally all pitted and damaged now. He got kicked out of one pre-school and pretty much declared persona non grata at a couple more. And we don't have that anymore. Yeah, I still want to box him up some days and ship him to parts unknown but we have the sweet boy much more than we get the Raging Beast and everyone is a lot happier.

    I mostly just said all this so you'd know there is hope. Oh, my cub's official diagnosis is Mood Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified because he's a bit young for a true Oppositional Defiant Disorder even though he meets the criteria for it quite nicely, thank you. His doctor says there really isn't a good label for cubs like him, so MD-not otherwise specified is what it is. Anyway, people on this site were a Godsend to me. The folks here really do get it here, because they've lived it. Welcome again and good luck!
     
  7. transformtriumph

    transformtriumph New Member

    Welcome! I would certainly have your child evaluated. If you cannot get him into a Children's Hospital or similar program for evaluation, you might first have the school district evaluate him.
    You may also want to get him into play therapy and possibly family therapy so that you can learn new strategies to work with him. A difficult child affects the whole family dynamics.
    Also, don't forget to take care of yourself. Schedule in time just for yourself. Make sure you have regular respite, without any children.
    You may also want to look into alternative medicine like homeopathy. Homeopathic medicines, carefully prescribed, are very helpful and do not have the side effects of psychiatric drugs.
     
  8. PJD123

    PJD123 New Member

    [ QUOTE ]
    My 3 year old is basically out of control most of the time. He's hitting, punching, yelling, saying he hates people. I have tried just about everything for discipline, and nothing works. I absolutely cannot take him to a restraunt, I dread shopping trips. He is pretty impulsive as well; will not hesitate to start running down the street or away from me in public. He has even tried to hit someone that was just walking by us.
    There are times when he can be the sweetest little boy, but then he goes off and gets mad, and will just be outrageous. He is pretty smart for his age, has alot of logical thinking that my daughter didn't have at his age, he knows his alphabet, knows his shapes, knows how to count almost to 10. I'm having alot of problems trying to potty train him; he simply refuses.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Hi Heather!

    My guy sounds almost the same, before he was diagnosed with ODD and we learned how to deal with him! He still has his "I'm going to bite your nose off", "I'm going to beat you up" and "I hate you, you're a bad, bad mommy!" moments, but he's soo much better since we went to therapy and switched daycares!

    I still dread taking him out to eat or anywhere that he may have to sit nicely.

    As far as being smart for his age, does he know his alphabet by site, or just to say/sing it? If he knows it by site, AWESOME! My guy could count up to 15 well before he was 3 though. He was always on track with other kids his age as far as talking, he just has a speech problem. I don't say this to show off, or whatever, please don't take it that way, just pointing out that I'm not sure if knowing how to say the alphabet or count to 10 is "pretty smart", or average or whatever??

    As far as the potty training goes, mine was kind of in the middle of other kids his age. He's fully PT, but still have accidents at night. There are plenty of kids that are close to 4 that are still not PT, even that have no interest in the potty...usually boys! Don't worry about it, he'll decide some day that he wants to go!

    I would definitely recommend taking him to a child pyschologist to be evaluated. (((HUGS)))
     
  9. HeatherDiann

    HeatherDiann New Member

    Well,
    I made the first call today, the program here is called Child Find. They said that they most likely won't be able to see him until January, but of course, they have the preliminary stuff to do first - like the parent/caregiver survey things and such. I'm still hoping that I may find other resources that can get him in first.
    We shall see.

    Thank you everyone for your help and support.
     
  10. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    I've just started the early intervention program and they told me that they have 45 days from the day you contact them to get all the testing done and goals for the future in place. Just so you know in case you get someone who keeps putting you off.
     
  11. HeatherDiann

    HeatherDiann New Member

    Would the 45 day time frame apply to the Child Find, which is also federally regulated?
    That would be SOO much better than having to wait over 2 months.
    I'm at the point that the sooner, the better with him.

    Thank you everyone for your help! I appreciate it more than I can even explain..
     
  12. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    I could be wrong, but I thing all the early intervention programs are going by the same rules. Mine is called Kids on the Move. Yours is called Child Find. The one in the city over from me is called PEEP. But I think they are all regulated the same. Someone on the sp. ed. board would know better.
     
  13. HeatherDiann

    HeatherDiann New Member

    Hmmmm... That's definitly something to add to my ever-growing to-do list to find out about.

    Thank you!
     
  14. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I believe Child Find is the federal term and that states adapt the name to suit their fancy. The number of days is based on school days (days off don't count) so January isn't out of line. What is absolutely critical is that you follow up that telephone conversation with a certified letter requesting evaluation because that legal time frame only kicks into gear with written receipt of your request. Without a written request they can (and sometimes do) push it back.

    I did find this brochure which is for early intervention (birth to 2 in your state it seems). It does have a phone number where you could probably get your questions answered or get an alternative number for the early childhood age.
    https://web.archive.org/web/2006121...state.nv.us/BEIS/ChildFindBrochureEng2004.pdf

    This evaluation that you are arranging will be done by the public school staff. This is valuable, especially because it may result in some beneficial services such as therapy and/or preschool. But I would still encourage you to make an appointment with your pediatrician and request a private medical evaluation. If s/he gives you any flak, stress the family history.
     
  15. HeatherDiann

    HeatherDiann New Member

    I recieved the parent survey from Child Find yesterday, and filled mine out, and there are alot of the items that apply to him! I'm actually a little more worried than I was before.
    I also recieved the caregiver's form, and had his caregiver (who is my aunt) fill it out for me today... well, she was completely and utterly not honest on it! She put down responses of "not true" to statements like 'shows too little fear of getting hurt' 'difficulty following directions' 'explosive or unpredictable behavior' and even 'can't sit still, restless, hyperactive'! I know that she sees things that happen - When i asked why it was done, the response I got was that she was comparing it to 'normal', well -- they want to know what he does -- not what's normal.
    Any suggestions on this? because it seems as though she's intentionally/deliberatly misleading them on this survey. The way that it's coming out to be is that he's only like this when he's with me.
    I also finally heard from his father today (he's in prison) and he told me that he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 5, and that he was hardcore into drugs and alcohol before he was locked up. That knowledge now makes it seem more likely that something's up with Gabriel, and makes me feel even worse for not doing anything about it before.

    Thanks again for everyone's support!
     
Loading...