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My 4th Grader Keeps Trying To Run Away
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<blockquote data-quote="idohope" data-source="post: 340671" data-attributes="member: 7722"><p>been there done that and at the same age 3rd/4th grade. easy child 2 is much younger so I know the pull as to which one do you keep safe at that moment? You can not leave the younger one to go after the older one. </p><p></p><p>Despite the experience, I dont know that I have much advice. My difficult child ran out of the house on numerous occasions, staying on our street or in neighbors yards. </p><p></p><p>As with many difficult child issues, husband and I were at odds at how to handle it. I felt it was important to give the message that is not acceptable and that if difficult child did not have permission to leave the house she absolutely could not leave the house. husband felt that if difficult child was older and was really going somewhere this would be more of a safety issue but that now if she was just in the neighbors yard it was not a big deal. </p><p></p><p>therapist's advice was to call the police when difficult child ran off. We did not ever do that but I did discuss it with difficult child. I was clear that if she ran off or left our property without permission that I was calling the police. This was not a bluff or a threat. I would have done it had she run off our property again. She did run out at least once after than but stayed within the bounds of our property.</p><p></p><p>This was happening at a time that difficult child was pretty unstable, in that she was melting down almost everyday for several months. For the safety (and sanity) of the whole family we also backed off on expectations during that time. Room cleaning, hygiene, homework all off the table. We focused on a single issue (getting her to school in the morning) and then built up from that over time as things improved. For us imposing consequences became such a difficult and dangerous thing that we were really selective about what would be consequenced. This was very difficult at times as we all felt (especially easy child 1) that difficult child "got away" with so much. But if imposing a consequence resulted in such an escalation and behavior (yelling, screaming, hitting, running off) that was worse than the initial problem (not doing HW) then it really wasn't working. But this balance continues to be a hard issue.</p><p></p><p>She has not run off in about a year now. But I remember how hard it was and I hope that you find a way to put a stop to it with your difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="idohope, post: 340671, member: 7722"] been there done that and at the same age 3rd/4th grade. easy child 2 is much younger so I know the pull as to which one do you keep safe at that moment? You can not leave the younger one to go after the older one. Despite the experience, I dont know that I have much advice. My difficult child ran out of the house on numerous occasions, staying on our street or in neighbors yards. As with many difficult child issues, husband and I were at odds at how to handle it. I felt it was important to give the message that is not acceptable and that if difficult child did not have permission to leave the house she absolutely could not leave the house. husband felt that if difficult child was older and was really going somewhere this would be more of a safety issue but that now if she was just in the neighbors yard it was not a big deal. therapist's advice was to call the police when difficult child ran off. We did not ever do that but I did discuss it with difficult child. I was clear that if she ran off or left our property without permission that I was calling the police. This was not a bluff or a threat. I would have done it had she run off our property again. She did run out at least once after than but stayed within the bounds of our property. This was happening at a time that difficult child was pretty unstable, in that she was melting down almost everyday for several months. For the safety (and sanity) of the whole family we also backed off on expectations during that time. Room cleaning, hygiene, homework all off the table. We focused on a single issue (getting her to school in the morning) and then built up from that over time as things improved. For us imposing consequences became such a difficult and dangerous thing that we were really selective about what would be consequenced. This was very difficult at times as we all felt (especially easy child 1) that difficult child "got away" with so much. But if imposing a consequence resulted in such an escalation and behavior (yelling, screaming, hitting, running off) that was worse than the initial problem (not doing HW) then it really wasn't working. But this balance continues to be a hard issue. She has not run off in about a year now. But I remember how hard it was and I hope that you find a way to put a stop to it with your difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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