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My 4th Grader Keeps Trying To Run Away
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 340683" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi there, </p><p></p><p>So you have a very stubborn 9 year old who thinks he'd like to play the waiting game and has figured out that if he waits, and waits - in his mind he wins the game? I have his brother here - he's 19 now, almost 20 years old. If I would have put him in a basket and sent him to Hades - the child and the basket would have come back as quick as I sent it with a note attached saying - No thanks, don't need a replacement. Yes, it was that bad. </p><p></p><p>First off, welcome to the family. Us here. We're pretty good and old, and not much phases us. Next I guess I'd have to ask you what is wrong with having a therapeutic cheerleader in your corner once a week saying "GOoooo Mom!?" </p><p>Do you know without that for me and my fiance we wouldn't have a family, or a house or a child that's anywhere near functional? When I am asked what has been the most beneficial thing I ever had to help us as parents? I answer: This support board, learning that each child can't be parented the same no matter HOW badly I think they can, and that I really DO need a good <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />ing buddy once a week to blow off steam and discuss strategies on parenting. I'm not a God, I'm not perfect, I'm human, I yell, I cry, I say things I don't mean, I want to do better, I wasn't born with an innate ability to parent like a pro.....I want to educate myself to be the best person I can be for this little person in my house that just doesn't fit into any category I've ever known before - and neither has anyone else. It's like NO ONE knows what to do with him. </p><p></p><p>Therefore...stop thinking he's normal and get over the fact that you don't know how to parent him. DO seek out resources to learn HOW to effectively communicate with him. There's a whole entirely different way to speak to them that CAN get through to him and it WILL help....it won't be perfect...it won't make things under your roof 100% - it won't make him normal like all the other kids at school. You won't get a prize (Oh you should but you'll settle for 2 out of 7 days of peace as opposed to 16 bad days in a row). And you'll figure that out by finding a trusted (TRUSTED) therapist to work with. Go twice a week if you have to. WE went....one hour for him once a week and then 1 hour just for us and 1 hour for the family. 45 miles one way - for 3 hours for 6 years. (on and off between Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s) </p><p></p><p>The other thing you have to do is GIVE YOURSELVES a break.....FROM EACH OTHER!!!!!! RESPITE care....WEEKENDS.....ACTIVITIES where you aren't WITH him. WORKS WONDERS....we used to use our family therapy as a date night. It was all we had - we have no family and no friends here. </p><p></p><p>As to the running away? Wow....at nine huh? Dude used to run away like that too. at 16 he took it seriously and we called the police. First time he did it? We drove around and worried, looked for him....the 2nd time? We just made the reports and sat home. THAT freaked him out. The police found him, brought him home, chewed him out. But he was 16, then. At nine? I did exactly like Daisy told you to do. I stopped by the police station and told them what he was pulling. They told me if he ran away to call them. They'd go get him. I did this with him there. The officer asked him WHY he wanted to run away. Of course he told him because he hated ME. Always doing things like WORKING, spending time on other things. He was essentially jealous. So one day a week? We had ME and HIM day. JUST me and him. McDonalds, the park, Shopping...and if he had good behavior? A toy. You said you have other kids? Maybe he's trying to get Mom and me time too? Hard to say. </p><p></p><p>With respect to waiting you out? Well......play his game. If he wants to sit in the lot across the street? Let him. He's trying to evoke sympathy. Keep an eye on him, but don't let him know you are. If he wants to sleep over there? Walk over and say .."Gonna get cold, sure you don't want to come in the house, you're always welcome in your home." If he runs away? Do what the officers told you to do. (probably call them) They'll more than likely look for him and bring him home. If he continues to waste their time? Then they will get stern with him, and if he gets out of control? Well then he's going to head to Department of Juvenile Justice. However......</p><p></p><p>Sounds to me, like he needs a big brother at this point. Someone that just takes up time with him....and ONLY him. Makes HIM feel like there is no one in the world BUT him. No little brother, sister...and if he's having trouble in school like this? You CAN get the School District to PAY FOR...a shadow for him in school. That's a free classroom aid JUST FOR YOUR SON. You have to have an IEP. (does he have one of those?) </p><p></p><p>See.....you're going to get educated here which is the best defense on being a warrior Mom you can have. We're here to help and support, and to make you laugh a little if we can. </p><p></p><p>I hope you come back - </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 340683, member: 4964"] Hi there, So you have a very stubborn 9 year old who thinks he'd like to play the waiting game and has figured out that if he waits, and waits - in his mind he wins the game? I have his brother here - he's 19 now, almost 20 years old. If I would have put him in a basket and sent him to Hades - the child and the basket would have come back as quick as I sent it with a note attached saying - No thanks, don't need a replacement. Yes, it was that bad. First off, welcome to the family. Us here. We're pretty good and old, and not much phases us. Next I guess I'd have to ask you what is wrong with having a therapeutic cheerleader in your corner once a week saying "GOoooo Mom!?" Do you know without that for me and my fiance we wouldn't have a family, or a house or a child that's anywhere near functional? When I am asked what has been the most beneficial thing I ever had to help us as parents? I answer: This support board, learning that each child can't be parented the same no matter HOW badly I think they can, and that I really DO need a good :censored2:ing buddy once a week to blow off steam and discuss strategies on parenting. I'm not a God, I'm not perfect, I'm human, I yell, I cry, I say things I don't mean, I want to do better, I wasn't born with an innate ability to parent like a pro.....I want to educate myself to be the best person I can be for this little person in my house that just doesn't fit into any category I've ever known before - and neither has anyone else. It's like NO ONE knows what to do with him. Therefore...stop thinking he's normal and get over the fact that you don't know how to parent him. DO seek out resources to learn HOW to effectively communicate with him. There's a whole entirely different way to speak to them that CAN get through to him and it WILL help....it won't be perfect...it won't make things under your roof 100% - it won't make him normal like all the other kids at school. You won't get a prize (Oh you should but you'll settle for 2 out of 7 days of peace as opposed to 16 bad days in a row). And you'll figure that out by finding a trusted (TRUSTED) therapist to work with. Go twice a week if you have to. WE went....one hour for him once a week and then 1 hour just for us and 1 hour for the family. 45 miles one way - for 3 hours for 6 years. (on and off between Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s) The other thing you have to do is GIVE YOURSELVES a break.....FROM EACH OTHER!!!!!! RESPITE care....WEEKENDS.....ACTIVITIES where you aren't WITH him. WORKS WONDERS....we used to use our family therapy as a date night. It was all we had - we have no family and no friends here. As to the running away? Wow....at nine huh? Dude used to run away like that too. at 16 he took it seriously and we called the police. First time he did it? We drove around and worried, looked for him....the 2nd time? We just made the reports and sat home. THAT freaked him out. The police found him, brought him home, chewed him out. But he was 16, then. At nine? I did exactly like Daisy told you to do. I stopped by the police station and told them what he was pulling. They told me if he ran away to call them. They'd go get him. I did this with him there. The officer asked him WHY he wanted to run away. Of course he told him because he hated ME. Always doing things like WORKING, spending time on other things. He was essentially jealous. So one day a week? We had ME and HIM day. JUST me and him. McDonalds, the park, Shopping...and if he had good behavior? A toy. You said you have other kids? Maybe he's trying to get Mom and me time too? Hard to say. With respect to waiting you out? Well......play his game. If he wants to sit in the lot across the street? Let him. He's trying to evoke sympathy. Keep an eye on him, but don't let him know you are. If he wants to sleep over there? Walk over and say .."Gonna get cold, sure you don't want to come in the house, you're always welcome in your home." If he runs away? Do what the officers told you to do. (probably call them) They'll more than likely look for him and bring him home. If he continues to waste their time? Then they will get stern with him, and if he gets out of control? Well then he's going to head to Department of Juvenile Justice. However...... Sounds to me, like he needs a big brother at this point. Someone that just takes up time with him....and ONLY him. Makes HIM feel like there is no one in the world BUT him. No little brother, sister...and if he's having trouble in school like this? You CAN get the School District to PAY FOR...a shadow for him in school. That's a free classroom aid JUST FOR YOUR SON. You have to have an IEP. (does he have one of those?) See.....you're going to get educated here which is the best defense on being a warrior Mom you can have. We're here to help and support, and to make you laugh a little if we can. I hope you come back - Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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