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My 5 Year Old Has Aspergers and ADHD
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 104285" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome aboard, Kate. From one mother to another, with similar kids (check out my sig).</p><p></p><p>If you're not comfortable with letting us know which side of the Atlantic or which hemisphere you're in, that's OK. From my own observations i think the answer to this is the same regardless.</p><p></p><p>Tell the school.</p><p></p><p>Do it formally, give them a copy of any documentation (letter from specialist?) and ask for a meeting ASAP to set up a meeting with the school, to put support in place.</p><p></p><p>You mention "she is starting big school next year" which also tells me you could be from somewhere that the school year runs from January to December (so much more sensible!). If so, then get in touch with the intended school NOW, you only have two weeks left to put something in place. By now they may have an idea of who her teacher would be next year, you need to have a sit-down meeting with that teacher NOW. Not only to give the teacher a heads up of what to expect, but also to give YOU a 'feel' for what the teacher is like, if you think your daughter will have the right person for her.</p><p></p><p>Josie also said it well - don't worry about labelling your child. If you sit on the info and keep it quiet, she will still get labelled. Kids and teachers hand out labels (in their own heads) based on their experiences of a person. "The blonde kid", "the brat", "the problem child," "the blue-eyed terror" and so on. Chances are that even without a formal diagnosis, your child is going to get a label along the lines of "the fidget", "the talker", or commonly, "the professor". difficult child 3 is "the weird kid" and currently, "Harry Pot-Smoker" because he looks a lot like Harry Potter, the local kids know he hates being called that, and to change the name around is fun for these kids especially if they think it will upset him.</p><p></p><p>This is going to happen. If there is some mitigating circumstance that can hep to take the heat off your child, as well as help to give her some support in developing coping skills to handle this, then use it.</p><p></p><p>You will also find, label or not - like attracts like. Weird kids befriend weird kids. And often they make very good friends. There is nobody quite so loyal or forgiving as an Aspie. They seem to recognise kindred spirits and gravitate together. I've learned to love the weirdos who visit our house, to value what they have done for difficult child 1 and to see how helping his friends has made him a better person. We're still on that journey with difficult child 3.</p><p></p><p>Do get your hands on "The Explosive Child". Also, try to get the teacher next year onto it as well. Also, consider using a communications book (or some other form of daily communication) to remove the need for daily classroom step conferences. it's easier on the teacher and easier on you. But you will need that level of communication, even if she is only mild.</p><p></p><p>As for "losing the diagnosis" when she's older - part of that may have been to comfort you and part of that is a distortion of the real truth - she is who and what she is. She always will be. HOWEVER - as she gets older, wiser and more informed, she will be constantly learning how best to 'blend in' - difficult child 3 calls it "pretending to be normal". He's getting very good at it. For now, a lot of his mannerisms and behaviours are modelled on adults around him and not children, because he knows in his own mind that adults are his benchmark for the majority of his life. As a result, the "little professor" and "little dictator" sides of him are to the fore. These behaviours would seem normal in an adult; very odd in a child. I'm increasingly certain he's modelling his father! But then, we think husband is Aspie as well.</p><p></p><p>An Aspie who seems to blend in well - yes, they can lose the diagnosis but I feel this is being unfair to them. To maintain a semblance of normality is to devalue the constant effort they are putting in. Also it is a big strain on them and the sense of being apart from everyone else can make them feel very lonely and unhappy. You need to watch for this, regardless of the status of diagnosis (lost, or not).</p><p></p><p>It's scary right now, but despite all the problems I am very glad of my Aspie kids. I sometimes wonder what normality would be like, and wonder if i would be bored.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 104285, member: 1991"] Welcome aboard, Kate. From one mother to another, with similar kids (check out my sig). If you're not comfortable with letting us know which side of the Atlantic or which hemisphere you're in, that's OK. From my own observations i think the answer to this is the same regardless. Tell the school. Do it formally, give them a copy of any documentation (letter from specialist?) and ask for a meeting ASAP to set up a meeting with the school, to put support in place. You mention "she is starting big school next year" which also tells me you could be from somewhere that the school year runs from January to December (so much more sensible!). If so, then get in touch with the intended school NOW, you only have two weeks left to put something in place. By now they may have an idea of who her teacher would be next year, you need to have a sit-down meeting with that teacher NOW. Not only to give the teacher a heads up of what to expect, but also to give YOU a 'feel' for what the teacher is like, if you think your daughter will have the right person for her. Josie also said it well - don't worry about labelling your child. If you sit on the info and keep it quiet, she will still get labelled. Kids and teachers hand out labels (in their own heads) based on their experiences of a person. "The blonde kid", "the brat", "the problem child," "the blue-eyed terror" and so on. Chances are that even without a formal diagnosis, your child is going to get a label along the lines of "the fidget", "the talker", or commonly, "the professor". difficult child 3 is "the weird kid" and currently, "Harry Pot-Smoker" because he looks a lot like Harry Potter, the local kids know he hates being called that, and to change the name around is fun for these kids especially if they think it will upset him. This is going to happen. If there is some mitigating circumstance that can hep to take the heat off your child, as well as help to give her some support in developing coping skills to handle this, then use it. You will also find, label or not - like attracts like. Weird kids befriend weird kids. And often they make very good friends. There is nobody quite so loyal or forgiving as an Aspie. They seem to recognise kindred spirits and gravitate together. I've learned to love the weirdos who visit our house, to value what they have done for difficult child 1 and to see how helping his friends has made him a better person. We're still on that journey with difficult child 3. Do get your hands on "The Explosive Child". Also, try to get the teacher next year onto it as well. Also, consider using a communications book (or some other form of daily communication) to remove the need for daily classroom step conferences. it's easier on the teacher and easier on you. But you will need that level of communication, even if she is only mild. As for "losing the diagnosis" when she's older - part of that may have been to comfort you and part of that is a distortion of the real truth - she is who and what she is. She always will be. HOWEVER - as she gets older, wiser and more informed, she will be constantly learning how best to 'blend in' - difficult child 3 calls it "pretending to be normal". He's getting very good at it. For now, a lot of his mannerisms and behaviours are modelled on adults around him and not children, because he knows in his own mind that adults are his benchmark for the majority of his life. As a result, the "little professor" and "little dictator" sides of him are to the fore. These behaviours would seem normal in an adult; very odd in a child. I'm increasingly certain he's modelling his father! But then, we think husband is Aspie as well. An Aspie who seems to blend in well - yes, they can lose the diagnosis but I feel this is being unfair to them. To maintain a semblance of normality is to devalue the constant effort they are putting in. Also it is a big strain on them and the sense of being apart from everyone else can make them feel very lonely and unhappy. You need to watch for this, regardless of the status of diagnosis (lost, or not). It's scary right now, but despite all the problems I am very glad of my Aspie kids. I sometimes wonder what normality would be like, and wonder if i would be bored. Marg [/QUOTE]
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