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My 5 Year Old Has Aspergers and ADHD
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 104578" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kate, make contact with ASPECT. They have an outreach program which helps schools, although I'm not sure how much help they can give outside Sydney metropolitan. If you're near a major country centre there should be some sort of help available.</p><p></p><p>I'll ask around, as I said I have family up and down the coast. There should be help available in Newcastle, Port, Coffs, Armidale, maybe Grafton, possibly Lismore. Certainly Brisbane, but that's probably too far for you. I know my sister in Port has links with various support networks. Her granddaughter is currently being checked out for AS with possible ADHD.</p><p></p><p>Something for you to also check out - Australia's own gift to the world of Asperger's & autism, Dr Tony Attwood. Reading his stuff will give you hope.</p><p></p><p>If you're far enough out of town to be living with space around you (as in farming) or in a small community, this could be an advantage for you. A lot of Aspies can slip under the radar outback. I suspect father in law was Aspie, he grew up on a sheep station. Always fixing things.</p><p></p><p>Back to your daughter - things that may help: explain to her about Asperger's and ADHD. We were advised to do this for difficult child 3 as soon as he was able to understand. He was 8 before he could grasp it. As a computer nerd, we explained autism as follows: if you type a word processing document up, format it and print it out, what comes off the printer can look identical to a similar document typed up on a Mac, or a easy child. The output at the printer is the same. But the software needed, to tell the computer exactly how to interpret the operator's instructions and interact with the peripherals has to be written very differently, in order to properly program the Mac, or the easy child.</p><p>Some people have mac brains, others have easy child brains. They are capable of the same quality of output but in order to do this, need different programming. We learn in different ways.</p><p></p><p>The emphasis is on "different", not good or bad. Not flawed, damaged, faulty or unacceptable - just different. We each have to find what works for us.</p><p></p><p>And one last thought to hold on to - when people try to cram a different child into the same box as other people (based on "you should have grown out of that by now" or "I've told you several times, you should be able to remember it now" or "Katie can do it properly, so should you be able to" or similar), that is when we are trying to have our computer produce quality output with the wrong software package.</p><p></p><p>To punish such a child for failing to give us what we want under these circumstances is like punishing a blind child for failing to copy accurately from the blackboard. Unthinkable - and yet people do it, because Asperger's and ADHD are invisible disorders, they also can be disbelieved by some old hands. "Oh, it's just a handy diagnosis for kids with rich parents who are trying to buy their way out of responsibility."</p><p></p><p>If the school you're sending her to next year is a small one, you could be lucky or you could be unlucky. </p><p></p><p>Something to watch for - Family Advocacy. They will help with advice and go to bat for you, but their main aim is for inclusion at all costs - they feel that all disabled people have a right to be included when they choose to be (fair enough) but they then campaign against anything which is setting apart kids with disabilities; for example, a campaign I had recently, for a high school Special Needs class (Special Education - it's NOT just for kids who aren't bright) set in a mainstream high school, specifically for kid with Asperger's & high-functioning autism. Family Advocacy saw this as a retrograde step, I argued it was actually proactive, because the classroom environment is NOT a natural social environment for kids with autism (I include Asperger's here too). Kids with autism cannot pick up social skills simply be being around other kids. If anything, they will pick up the anarchy and bad habits, often causing more problems.</p><p>Use Family Advocacy if what you need is in their agenda - they are good that way - but if you're asking for anything resembling different and separate treatment, they may be sticky on it.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 has a good friend with autism who is still in mainstream and seems to be doing OK. We are glad he is doing OK, while this continues then mainstream is an appropriate placement. But it generally doesn't continue, for kids with autism. They get to a certain point and stop being able to learn the same things at the same rate. They will need help at some stage, in order to continue to fit in. They need to find their own learning strategy.</p><p></p><p>Too often, the attitude is, "Oh, she is bright so we don't need to worry about giving her remedial help in English; she understands, she will catch up, she's probably just being lazy." Or, "He's doing OK overall; his brilliant maths mark balances out the poor marks in geography." Or you get teachers who will find any way at all to get your child thrown out of THEIR school so they can become Someone Else's Problem - "Did you know David has Asperger's? I've heard they can be dangerous - and you notice how he won't look you in the eye? He's clearly hiding something." Of what we got - "difficult child 1 didn't mean any harm this time, but who knows about next time? He might go totally strange." Of when we were trying to get easy child 2/difficult child 2 into school - "What about the history of mental instability in the family?" (they were apparently referring to difficult child 1's diagnosis of ADHD - the Asperger's was at that time undiagnosed). difficult child 1's best friend, another Aspie, was told, "We don't want you back next year." At the end of Year 11 - no reason given to him. We finally worked out the reason and it was a grave injustice, it was a combination of a misunderstanding which was used to justify the teacher's fear of him due to his lack of emotion in his face, lack of eye contact and at times odd, obsessive behaviour.</p><p></p><p>These things happen, over and over. They should not happen, there is legislation. So often though, the child and the family are so overstretched and mentally exhausted that there is no fight in them. Or they follow the principle of,"The teacher is trained to know these things; I'm only a housewife/farmer/secretary. I have to defer to greater knowledge."</p><p></p><p>I hope things go smoothly for you. I have found that younger teachers in our system do seem to have more understanding and more willingness to work with you to help your child. Not all the older ones are waiting for retirement, either. You can find gems of any age. You can also find ratbags of any age. I found the golden rules were "communication and cooperation". You and the child are important parts of the Learning Team. When the school says they are having a Learning Team meeting, be there. And not just as an observer. In fact, a lot of the paperwork (such as the funding) YOU must sign off on, to indicate that you are happy with what has been decided.</p><p></p><p>Have confidence in yourself in your role as Learning Team member. You have a right to this, you are the parent with intimate knowledge of the child's behaviour, needs, triggers and talents. And in doing this, you will be working hand in hand with the school - if you can work as a team, you ALL will win because THEY will gain knowledge and skills they may not have had before. Your child will win because her education will be more individualised and carefully supervised. And you will win because your child will be happier, will learn better and make life easier at home.</p><p></p><p>We've had a lot of successes, we've had some failures and a great many battles. I live in a small village with teachers of my children living nearby. We meet when they walk the dog, when they do their shopping, when we go to the park. We chat. We are friendly. Even if I think they are negligent idiots as teachers and they probably label me as "pushy know-it-all", we have been able to work together. And those that I label "salt of the earth" will stop me and ask how difficult child 3 is getting on. And the other kids.</p><p></p><p>I haven't held back from saying what I think at times but I always tried to stay polite. Therefore despite my standing my ground for my child, I am still friends with staff at the school.</p><p></p><p>It can be done.</p><p></p><p>I've also been led to believe that our local school here is one of the worst, when it comes to the problems we have had. I wish for you the best, the absolute best. If you are near any of the main regional centres up the coat that I have named, you should be OK. Armidale, too. In a lot of areas the country is better than some of the older, backwater metropolitan schools. And even a difficult school will come round to your way of thinking if the law says so and you give theme no choice. And if it is right, they will embrace it.</p><p></p><p>There are so many options around now - we need more, but things are so much better.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter sounds lovely. She also sounds like my difficult child 3. We had to put up a fence to stop him wandering, he didn't respond to hearing his name because he didn't know about names back then! A lot better by 5 and you really wouldn't know, now, that there was ever any language delay. Now, he won't shut up! And he's learning to tell jokes!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 104578, member: 1991"] Kate, make contact with ASPECT. They have an outreach program which helps schools, although I'm not sure how much help they can give outside Sydney metropolitan. If you're near a major country centre there should be some sort of help available. I'll ask around, as I said I have family up and down the coast. There should be help available in Newcastle, Port, Coffs, Armidale, maybe Grafton, possibly Lismore. Certainly Brisbane, but that's probably too far for you. I know my sister in Port has links with various support networks. Her granddaughter is currently being checked out for AS with possible ADHD. Something for you to also check out - Australia's own gift to the world of Asperger's & autism, Dr Tony Attwood. Reading his stuff will give you hope. If you're far enough out of town to be living with space around you (as in farming) or in a small community, this could be an advantage for you. A lot of Aspies can slip under the radar outback. I suspect father in law was Aspie, he grew up on a sheep station. Always fixing things. Back to your daughter - things that may help: explain to her about Asperger's and ADHD. We were advised to do this for difficult child 3 as soon as he was able to understand. He was 8 before he could grasp it. As a computer nerd, we explained autism as follows: if you type a word processing document up, format it and print it out, what comes off the printer can look identical to a similar document typed up on a Mac, or a easy child. The output at the printer is the same. But the software needed, to tell the computer exactly how to interpret the operator's instructions and interact with the peripherals has to be written very differently, in order to properly program the Mac, or the easy child. Some people have mac brains, others have easy child brains. They are capable of the same quality of output but in order to do this, need different programming. We learn in different ways. The emphasis is on "different", not good or bad. Not flawed, damaged, faulty or unacceptable - just different. We each have to find what works for us. And one last thought to hold on to - when people try to cram a different child into the same box as other people (based on "you should have grown out of that by now" or "I've told you several times, you should be able to remember it now" or "Katie can do it properly, so should you be able to" or similar), that is when we are trying to have our computer produce quality output with the wrong software package. To punish such a child for failing to give us what we want under these circumstances is like punishing a blind child for failing to copy accurately from the blackboard. Unthinkable - and yet people do it, because Asperger's and ADHD are invisible disorders, they also can be disbelieved by some old hands. "Oh, it's just a handy diagnosis for kids with rich parents who are trying to buy their way out of responsibility." If the school you're sending her to next year is a small one, you could be lucky or you could be unlucky. Something to watch for - Family Advocacy. They will help with advice and go to bat for you, but their main aim is for inclusion at all costs - they feel that all disabled people have a right to be included when they choose to be (fair enough) but they then campaign against anything which is setting apart kids with disabilities; for example, a campaign I had recently, for a high school Special Needs class (Special Education - it's NOT just for kids who aren't bright) set in a mainstream high school, specifically for kid with Asperger's & high-functioning autism. Family Advocacy saw this as a retrograde step, I argued it was actually proactive, because the classroom environment is NOT a natural social environment for kids with autism (I include Asperger's here too). Kids with autism cannot pick up social skills simply be being around other kids. If anything, they will pick up the anarchy and bad habits, often causing more problems. Use Family Advocacy if what you need is in their agenda - they are good that way - but if you're asking for anything resembling different and separate treatment, they may be sticky on it. difficult child 3 has a good friend with autism who is still in mainstream and seems to be doing OK. We are glad he is doing OK, while this continues then mainstream is an appropriate placement. But it generally doesn't continue, for kids with autism. They get to a certain point and stop being able to learn the same things at the same rate. They will need help at some stage, in order to continue to fit in. They need to find their own learning strategy. Too often, the attitude is, "Oh, she is bright so we don't need to worry about giving her remedial help in English; she understands, she will catch up, she's probably just being lazy." Or, "He's doing OK overall; his brilliant maths mark balances out the poor marks in geography." Or you get teachers who will find any way at all to get your child thrown out of THEIR school so they can become Someone Else's Problem - "Did you know David has Asperger's? I've heard they can be dangerous - and you notice how he won't look you in the eye? He's clearly hiding something." Of what we got - "difficult child 1 didn't mean any harm this time, but who knows about next time? He might go totally strange." Of when we were trying to get easy child 2/difficult child 2 into school - "What about the history of mental instability in the family?" (they were apparently referring to difficult child 1's diagnosis of ADHD - the Asperger's was at that time undiagnosed). difficult child 1's best friend, another Aspie, was told, "We don't want you back next year." At the end of Year 11 - no reason given to him. We finally worked out the reason and it was a grave injustice, it was a combination of a misunderstanding which was used to justify the teacher's fear of him due to his lack of emotion in his face, lack of eye contact and at times odd, obsessive behaviour. These things happen, over and over. They should not happen, there is legislation. So often though, the child and the family are so overstretched and mentally exhausted that there is no fight in them. Or they follow the principle of,"The teacher is trained to know these things; I'm only a housewife/farmer/secretary. I have to defer to greater knowledge." I hope things go smoothly for you. I have found that younger teachers in our system do seem to have more understanding and more willingness to work with you to help your child. Not all the older ones are waiting for retirement, either. You can find gems of any age. You can also find ratbags of any age. I found the golden rules were "communication and cooperation". You and the child are important parts of the Learning Team. When the school says they are having a Learning Team meeting, be there. And not just as an observer. In fact, a lot of the paperwork (such as the funding) YOU must sign off on, to indicate that you are happy with what has been decided. Have confidence in yourself in your role as Learning Team member. You have a right to this, you are the parent with intimate knowledge of the child's behaviour, needs, triggers and talents. And in doing this, you will be working hand in hand with the school - if you can work as a team, you ALL will win because THEY will gain knowledge and skills they may not have had before. Your child will win because her education will be more individualised and carefully supervised. And you will win because your child will be happier, will learn better and make life easier at home. We've had a lot of successes, we've had some failures and a great many battles. I live in a small village with teachers of my children living nearby. We meet when they walk the dog, when they do their shopping, when we go to the park. We chat. We are friendly. Even if I think they are negligent idiots as teachers and they probably label me as "pushy know-it-all", we have been able to work together. And those that I label "salt of the earth" will stop me and ask how difficult child 3 is getting on. And the other kids. I haven't held back from saying what I think at times but I always tried to stay polite. Therefore despite my standing my ground for my child, I am still friends with staff at the school. It can be done. I've also been led to believe that our local school here is one of the worst, when it comes to the problems we have had. I wish for you the best, the absolute best. If you are near any of the main regional centres up the coat that I have named, you should be OK. Armidale, too. In a lot of areas the country is better than some of the older, backwater metropolitan schools. And even a difficult school will come round to your way of thinking if the law says so and you give theme no choice. And if it is right, they will embrace it. There are so many options around now - we need more, but things are so much better. Your daughter sounds lovely. She also sounds like my difficult child 3. We had to put up a fence to stop him wandering, he didn't respond to hearing his name because he didn't know about names back then! A lot better by 5 and you really wouldn't know, now, that there was ever any language delay. Now, he won't shut up! And he's learning to tell jokes! Marg [/QUOTE]
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