Steely
Active Member
So tonight at work there was this little tyke, maybe 2, that was sitting on the bikes that we sell, and kinda playing. I am sure in his little mind he was thinking - wow - I am sitting on this bike. Mom is here buying things. This is mine.
I am not sure of the dialogue between Mom and boy, except obviously she said that they were not getting a bike. Suddenly there was a deafening blood curdling scream - that lasted for quite awhile. Mom checks out, as the boy is screaming higher, louder, and more passionately than most 2 year olds, but about par for a difficult child. The Mom apologized to me, and of course I offer a boat load of empathy. (God knows how many times I have walked in her shoes.) But seriously everyone in the store is looking at this poor lady.
So later I was thinking about little tyke's thoughts on this whole process. If he truly did have a processing disorder, or AS, or some other brain challenge - I can totally see how in his mind he suddenly assumed the bike was his, and to yank it away was almost cruel (Not to say we should buy difficult children whatever they scream for - obviously.)
Perhaps it would go something like this.
Here I am sitting on the bike of my dreams, all shiny and red, with a horn even! Mom is telling me this word over and over again, but I am getting a bike. This bike! It is mine. Now Mom is walking off and leaving me, and speaking that same word over and over again, now what am I gonna do? I have to choose between her or the bike. I am gonna scream as loud as I can because she is leaving me and my bike. My bike, my bike............
I guess I had an epiphany of sorts about our kiddos. It is like they really do not even understand the logic of our words. They perhaps understand NO, but they do not understand how they could be sitting on what they want, and still get denied it. In their minds to deny them of the logical choice of riding and possessing a shiny new red bike is tantamount to showing them an ice cream cone, and not giving it to them.
Not that I think there is any real solution to this, but I thought perhaps I would share my insight in hopes of others that were enduring a 2 year old difficult child might gain something. I guess this is why the Explosive Child talks so much about not saying no, but giving choices.
I am not sure of the dialogue between Mom and boy, except obviously she said that they were not getting a bike. Suddenly there was a deafening blood curdling scream - that lasted for quite awhile. Mom checks out, as the boy is screaming higher, louder, and more passionately than most 2 year olds, but about par for a difficult child. The Mom apologized to me, and of course I offer a boat load of empathy. (God knows how many times I have walked in her shoes.) But seriously everyone in the store is looking at this poor lady.
So later I was thinking about little tyke's thoughts on this whole process. If he truly did have a processing disorder, or AS, or some other brain challenge - I can totally see how in his mind he suddenly assumed the bike was his, and to yank it away was almost cruel (Not to say we should buy difficult children whatever they scream for - obviously.)
Perhaps it would go something like this.
Here I am sitting on the bike of my dreams, all shiny and red, with a horn even! Mom is telling me this word over and over again, but I am getting a bike. This bike! It is mine. Now Mom is walking off and leaving me, and speaking that same word over and over again, now what am I gonna do? I have to choose between her or the bike. I am gonna scream as loud as I can because she is leaving me and my bike. My bike, my bike............
I guess I had an epiphany of sorts about our kiddos. It is like they really do not even understand the logic of our words. They perhaps understand NO, but they do not understand how they could be sitting on what they want, and still get denied it. In their minds to deny them of the logical choice of riding and possessing a shiny new red bike is tantamount to showing them an ice cream cone, and not giving it to them.
Not that I think there is any real solution to this, but I thought perhaps I would share my insight in hopes of others that were enduring a 2 year old difficult child might gain something. I guess this is why the Explosive Child talks so much about not saying no, but giving choices.