Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
my BiPolar (BP) wife update
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 406340" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Miles - </p><p> </p><p>Hello! Well, paint me old fashioned - and also include me in the group that would ask your T-doctor - "Are you a man of faith?" I mean you don't have to be all preachy and this can't become a religious post at all due to board rules, but skirting the issue here - what ever happened to morality? </p><p> </p><p>My ex was abusive to the 10th degree of the law. Since this was before anyone even cared if women were abused, and when I went to the police even with a child I was asked literally what I did to make him mad and told to go back home - (15 or so years ago). I got lucky with some very good advice from a couple sources. One was a very conservative (surprisingly enough) Southern minister. Who told me I didn't deserve to be treated like I was and to file for divorce. I was completely opposed to this idea but listened to him and his reasons why myself and my child did not need to stay in a marriage like mine. Secondly I got counseling from a therapist/therapist. He told me that the first year I was separated I shouldn't even THINK about dating, or anything else except resolving my marriage and to leave the door open for reconcilliation. Which to me was ludicrous. It was conflicting to what the minister had told me and even though they spoke on the phone? They both wanted what was best for me - and that was to make up my OWN mind, or rather to FIND my own mind. </p><p> </p><p>See if they both TOLD me LEAVE him - I would not be following my own mind. I would be doing what I was told. AGAIN. Just like in my marriage. Just like I was either begged, or forced, or demanded to do. The cycle of abuse all over again. So in that first year of separation? I had to learn about the cycle of abuse. Seems you could just learn that (snap) but not really. Men, women, children MOSTLY - who are in abusive situations need time away from the abuser and AND counseling (children for years and years) that helps them understand what it was they went through and to understand that 1.) it was NOT you and a bunch of other things about yourself, self esteem, self confidence that you can only learn THROUGH years of counseling. </p><p> </p><p>The second year away from an abuser? SPEND IT ALONE. NO dating - NO casual relationships. SPEND IT ON YOURSELF. Find out WHO YOU ARE. I mean you've spent how many years being Husband, DADDY......then abuse set in and you aren't exactly sure WHO you were. WHY aren't you important enough to give yourself ONE year.....one lousy year to really figure out WHO YOU ARE and what YOU like BY YOURSELF. YOU might like - going to bed at midnight, or tai chi, or horseback riding, or bicycling, or running, or pilates, or swimming every morning, or hunting - or whatever - but if you jump right back into a relationship? You may.....MAY end up ,liking WHAT SHE/or HE likes (not saying you're gay, just saying if women are reading this HE applies to them) and then you NEVER really get to know what YOU like 0R more importantly what YOU BRING to a relationship that may take you places that make YOU more happy. Think about it - you like Tennis - you didn't know you liked tennis because you never tried tennis - but you TRY it in that year FOR YOU - and you find a really wonderful woman that loves tennis......See what I mean? </p><p> </p><p>I gave myself the time -----I started out wrong - and OH brother did it backfire - I started dating someone who was schizophrenic. Yeah so that ended right away and I gave myself 1 year. In that year I also learned where my boundaries were, how to say NO, and mean it - and in 12 years with my fiance - we have had a wonderful relationship - it's had a few bumps - but overall happy. </p><p> </p><p>Just sayin - I think I would either ask my therapist WHY or find a therapist I had more morally in common with - </p><p> </p><p>As far as the lawyer? I have no advice there - But I would ask WHY - I'm not much on hanging on questions especially when I'm paying someone to shape my children's lives. He'd have to tell me WHAT his plan was and share that information with me. </p><p> </p><p>Glad you stopped in. Oh and if you kept the same therapist - and he wanted you to get a companion? I'd get a Pyreneese.....They're georgeous.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 406340, member: 4964"] Miles - Hello! Well, paint me old fashioned - and also include me in the group that would ask your T-doctor - "Are you a man of faith?" I mean you don't have to be all preachy and this can't become a religious post at all due to board rules, but skirting the issue here - what ever happened to morality? My ex was abusive to the 10th degree of the law. Since this was before anyone even cared if women were abused, and when I went to the police even with a child I was asked literally what I did to make him mad and told to go back home - (15 or so years ago). I got lucky with some very good advice from a couple sources. One was a very conservative (surprisingly enough) Southern minister. Who told me I didn't deserve to be treated like I was and to file for divorce. I was completely opposed to this idea but listened to him and his reasons why myself and my child did not need to stay in a marriage like mine. Secondly I got counseling from a therapist/therapist. He told me that the first year I was separated I shouldn't even THINK about dating, or anything else except resolving my marriage and to leave the door open for reconcilliation. Which to me was ludicrous. It was conflicting to what the minister had told me and even though they spoke on the phone? They both wanted what was best for me - and that was to make up my OWN mind, or rather to FIND my own mind. See if they both TOLD me LEAVE him - I would not be following my own mind. I would be doing what I was told. AGAIN. Just like in my marriage. Just like I was either begged, or forced, or demanded to do. The cycle of abuse all over again. So in that first year of separation? I had to learn about the cycle of abuse. Seems you could just learn that (snap) but not really. Men, women, children MOSTLY - who are in abusive situations need time away from the abuser and AND counseling (children for years and years) that helps them understand what it was they went through and to understand that 1.) it was NOT you and a bunch of other things about yourself, self esteem, self confidence that you can only learn THROUGH years of counseling. The second year away from an abuser? SPEND IT ALONE. NO dating - NO casual relationships. SPEND IT ON YOURSELF. Find out WHO YOU ARE. I mean you've spent how many years being Husband, DADDY......then abuse set in and you aren't exactly sure WHO you were. WHY aren't you important enough to give yourself ONE year.....one lousy year to really figure out WHO YOU ARE and what YOU like BY YOURSELF. YOU might like - going to bed at midnight, or tai chi, or horseback riding, or bicycling, or running, or pilates, or swimming every morning, or hunting - or whatever - but if you jump right back into a relationship? You may.....MAY end up ,liking WHAT SHE/or HE likes (not saying you're gay, just saying if women are reading this HE applies to them) and then you NEVER really get to know what YOU like 0R more importantly what YOU BRING to a relationship that may take you places that make YOU more happy. Think about it - you like Tennis - you didn't know you liked tennis because you never tried tennis - but you TRY it in that year FOR YOU - and you find a really wonderful woman that loves tennis......See what I mean? I gave myself the time -----I started out wrong - and OH brother did it backfire - I started dating someone who was schizophrenic. Yeah so that ended right away and I gave myself 1 year. In that year I also learned where my boundaries were, how to say NO, and mean it - and in 12 years with my fiance - we have had a wonderful relationship - it's had a few bumps - but overall happy. Just sayin - I think I would either ask my therapist WHY or find a therapist I had more morally in common with - As far as the lawyer? I have no advice there - But I would ask WHY - I'm not much on hanging on questions especially when I'm paying someone to shape my children's lives. He'd have to tell me WHAT his plan was and share that information with me. Glad you stopped in. Oh and if you kept the same therapist - and he wanted you to get a companion? I'd get a Pyreneese.....They're georgeous. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
my BiPolar (BP) wife update
Top