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My blanket of darkness
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 413798" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>I agree with Linda. It was so very difficult to watch my dad go but I also felt a peace and a relief to know he didnt have to suffer for a long time. I hope your dad is getting good pain control. We kept my dad as doped up as possible the last day or so. Then we just sat and talked to him. He couldnt eat or drink anymore so we knew it was just a matter of hours. I was glad that I had Tony and the boys...for the most part!...with me but I really didnt do a whole lot of grieving right then. It took me a week or two...maybe even longer than that until things really started hitting me. It is all the firsts for me that are getting me. The first Xmas when he didnt send me a card and cards for the grandkids. My birthday when he didnt send me a card and Pat didnt even call me. His birthday on 3/3. Mothers day will be very hard because he always got me a mothers day card and told me how proud he was of me for being a good mom. </p><p></p><p>Keyana found a birthday card the other day that he had sent her. She and I cried over it. The weather just got warm enough here for her to play outside and she goes over to her swing set and talks about it being her "great grandpapa" swing set. The second to last phone call she made to him was right after we put it up and she made me call him so she could thank him for it and tell him how she was swinging "so high great papa...I swing by myself so high!" The last call was on the Sunday before he died and he talked to her on the phone and told her he wanted her to remember that he loved her dearly and always would and she should remember that she would always be his special princess. </p><p></p><p>These are the things that are bringing out the grief for me. The memories.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 413798, member: 1514"] I agree with Linda. It was so very difficult to watch my dad go but I also felt a peace and a relief to know he didnt have to suffer for a long time. I hope your dad is getting good pain control. We kept my dad as doped up as possible the last day or so. Then we just sat and talked to him. He couldnt eat or drink anymore so we knew it was just a matter of hours. I was glad that I had Tony and the boys...for the most part!...with me but I really didnt do a whole lot of grieving right then. It took me a week or two...maybe even longer than that until things really started hitting me. It is all the firsts for me that are getting me. The first Xmas when he didnt send me a card and cards for the grandkids. My birthday when he didnt send me a card and Pat didnt even call me. His birthday on 3/3. Mothers day will be very hard because he always got me a mothers day card and told me how proud he was of me for being a good mom. Keyana found a birthday card the other day that he had sent her. She and I cried over it. The weather just got warm enough here for her to play outside and she goes over to her swing set and talks about it being her "great grandpapa" swing set. The second to last phone call she made to him was right after we put it up and she made me call him so she could thank him for it and tell him how she was swinging "so high great papa...I swing by myself so high!" The last call was on the Sunday before he died and he talked to her on the phone and told her he wanted her to remember that he loved her dearly and always would and she should remember that she would always be his special princess. These are the things that are bringing out the grief for me. The memories. [/QUOTE]
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