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My boyfriend's difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 545010" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My first thought is that you don't understand that you have to change your thinking if you want to stay with this man. And it may not be a good fit. </p><p></p><p>1/difficult child's do not do what typical children do, even if you drum it into their heads. They require relaxing your standards and parenting styles yet setting boundaries.</p><p></p><p>2/He is NOT your child and you aren't even a stepmother. It is not in my opinion your place to discipline him. If I were a mother and some live in girlfriend were parenting my child, I'd be pretty angry. The parenting needs to be between the father and the mother and it's a big problem that you and your boyfriend see this child in different ways. </p><p></p><p>3/This child may affect your child. </p><p></p><p>4/Boyfriends and their kids are a package deal. I assume you knew what you signed up for when you moved in. </p><p></p><p>5/This is another way of #1. You can't treat this child like your child. It won't work. If you and your boyfriend are thinking of getting married, it may help to get family counseling to solve the problem. If you can't, it may be better if you don't marry him. So many SO's believe they love a man so they can automatically accept the kids, but it doesn't always work that way and you have no rights to this child. </p><p></p><p>I would suggest that hub get another opinion/diagnosis for his son or see a neuropsychologist to see if there are any changes in his diagnosis and to get more hints on how to parent him. But he is a handful now and is likely to get to be a bigger handful as he gets older. The only bright side here is that he is only with you every other weekend.</p><p></p><p>If that is too much for you to handle, perhaps you should break it off (or go to therapy to talk about it with a neutral party). It really MAY be too much for you. You are not used to "differently wired" children...they come with no handbook and they defy the rules. And you often can not get them to do even the little things you want them to do. </p><p></p><p>It is a hard decision to commit to a life with a man who has a differently wired child. Are you really up for it?</p><p></p><p>You have our support no matter what. Welcome to the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 545010, member: 1550"] My first thought is that you don't understand that you have to change your thinking if you want to stay with this man. And it may not be a good fit. 1/difficult child's do not do what typical children do, even if you drum it into their heads. They require relaxing your standards and parenting styles yet setting boundaries. 2/He is NOT your child and you aren't even a stepmother. It is not in my opinion your place to discipline him. If I were a mother and some live in girlfriend were parenting my child, I'd be pretty angry. The parenting needs to be between the father and the mother and it's a big problem that you and your boyfriend see this child in different ways. 3/This child may affect your child. 4/Boyfriends and their kids are a package deal. I assume you knew what you signed up for when you moved in. 5/This is another way of #1. You can't treat this child like your child. It won't work. If you and your boyfriend are thinking of getting married, it may help to get family counseling to solve the problem. If you can't, it may be better if you don't marry him. So many SO's believe they love a man so they can automatically accept the kids, but it doesn't always work that way and you have no rights to this child. I would suggest that hub get another opinion/diagnosis for his son or see a neuropsychologist to see if there are any changes in his diagnosis and to get more hints on how to parent him. But he is a handful now and is likely to get to be a bigger handful as he gets older. The only bright side here is that he is only with you every other weekend. If that is too much for you to handle, perhaps you should break it off (or go to therapy to talk about it with a neutral party). It really MAY be too much for you. You are not used to "differently wired" children...they come with no handbook and they defy the rules. And you often can not get them to do even the little things you want them to do. It is a hard decision to commit to a life with a man who has a differently wired child. Are you really up for it? You have our support no matter what. Welcome to the board :) [/QUOTE]
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