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My boyfriend's difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 545033" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi and welcome, I'm glad you found us. You are in a tough spot. I agree with everything that Exhausted has told you, it was a well thought out response and gives you an honest appraisal and questions to ask yourself. It's difficult to imagine your boyfriend changing his way of thinking to include stopping the manipulations with the ex, refusal to find healthy ways to parent his son and unwillingness to seek professional help with you and for me, most importantly as a partner, <em><strong>to listen to your concerns and fears</strong>. </em>As an observer, without the emotional ties, there is much stacked on the side of walking away from this. Not even so much because of the boy, but because of his Dad and his avoidance and denial. I feel bad for you, you're in such a hard place, one of those life choices none of us want to make, but have to. </p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like you really know what the right thing to do is, and perhaps hearing it said from us will support you to do what you may already know is the best solution for you and your son. If you were to do a pro and con list, with at least what you've mentioned here, your con list would be quite a bit longer. And, as Exhausted has already said quite well, living with a difficult child has the potential of creating an environment which is severe in it's level of stress. That is a lot to take on and a lot to expose your son to. </p><p></p><p>Only you can make this difficult decision, given all the facts as you understand them. My belief is that somewhere inside ourselves, we have an intrinsic knowledge of what the best possible life path is. And, it's when we override that knowledge that we get into trouble. I would encourage you to look at the whole picture, look down the road a little and ask yourself if you believe any of this will realistically change and how you will feel if it doesn't. Sometimes the most honorable thing to do is to let go and walk away. But, I am not in your shoes, I don't love this man and have memories with him, life doesn't always offer the easy answer, you have to weigh it all for yourself. It's that vast gray area which isn't quite right or isn't quite wrong that makes it so challenging. I empathize with you, I send you warm wishes for clarity to come to you and hugs along the way...........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 545033, member: 13542"] Hi and welcome, I'm glad you found us. You are in a tough spot. I agree with everything that Exhausted has told you, it was a well thought out response and gives you an honest appraisal and questions to ask yourself. It's difficult to imagine your boyfriend changing his way of thinking to include stopping the manipulations with the ex, refusal to find healthy ways to parent his son and unwillingness to seek professional help with you and for me, most importantly as a partner, [I][B]to listen to your concerns and fears[/B]. [/I]As an observer, without the emotional ties, there is much stacked on the side of walking away from this. Not even so much because of the boy, but because of his Dad and his avoidance and denial. I feel bad for you, you're in such a hard place, one of those life choices none of us want to make, but have to. It sounds to me like you really know what the right thing to do is, and perhaps hearing it said from us will support you to do what you may already know is the best solution for you and your son. If you were to do a pro and con list, with at least what you've mentioned here, your con list would be quite a bit longer. And, as Exhausted has already said quite well, living with a difficult child has the potential of creating an environment which is severe in it's level of stress. That is a lot to take on and a lot to expose your son to. Only you can make this difficult decision, given all the facts as you understand them. My belief is that somewhere inside ourselves, we have an intrinsic knowledge of what the best possible life path is. And, it's when we override that knowledge that we get into trouble. I would encourage you to look at the whole picture, look down the road a little and ask yourself if you believe any of this will realistically change and how you will feel if it doesn't. Sometimes the most honorable thing to do is to let go and walk away. But, I am not in your shoes, I don't love this man and have memories with him, life doesn't always offer the easy answer, you have to weigh it all for yourself. It's that vast gray area which isn't quite right or isn't quite wrong that makes it so challenging. I empathize with you, I send you warm wishes for clarity to come to you and hugs along the way........... [/QUOTE]
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