My difficult child lives in a Bermuda Triangle

[firehorsewoman]

I am starting to believe that my difficult child lives in his own personal Bermuda Triangle. From the very short distance between the house to the vehicle he will invariably lose his shoes, socks, other clothing, lunch, baseball cap, library book or some other important item needed for school or day camp. Over the years I have learned the hard way not to back out of the driveway before going through a checklist of items that difficult child must have and ask easy child to verify that she actually sees them somewhere in the vehicle before driving away. Still it does not guarantee that the item will actually still be in the backpack or on difficult child's body when we get to the destination....somehow his things just come off his body and/or disappear.

 

[TerryJ2]

You have painted a vivid portrait!

Definitely ADHD or ADD ... we have adult friends like this, and if they didn't have wives or secretaries, they would not be half as successful in their careers. The constantly lose wallets, cell phones, car keys ...

Does his adderall not work at all?

 

[firehorsewoman]

Hi, Terry:

I have never believed stimulants help him in any way and this is one HUGE disagreement with the ex. If it were up to me he would be off the stimulant. Also, ADHD being his primary diagnosis has not made sense to me since they flip-flopped his ADHD and ODD two years ago. My son has never had a problem academically in school. Never. Even before the stimulants started two years ago. He was reading well ahead of his peers in kindergarten. His math average for this year was 97% his language arts average for the entire past year was 96%. From what I have read about ADHD most kids do poorly in school until they are treated correctly. difficult child has never done poorly as far as academics only behavior.

Our next psychiatrist appointment is coming up and I will revisit all these topics yet again if we have any time left after discussing how the ex is threatening to send difficult child away at the end of the summer.

 

[Wiped Out]

This definitely sounds so much like my difficult child. I love your description of the Bermuda Triangle!

 

[Bunny]

Also, ADHD being his primary diagnosis has not made sense to me since they flip-flopped his ADHD and ODD two years ago.

So, at the beginning they said he had ODD, but now they say he has ADHD?

 

[firehorsewoman]

So, at the beginning they said he had ODD, but now they say he has ADHD?

He had his first neuropsychologist exam at 3 yrs of age and his second at 6 yrs of age. Both performed by the same group of doctors. The first one resulted in a primary diagnosis of ODD with some underlying ADHD. The second one resulted in primary ADHD with possible ODD.

ODD seemed to fit him best. I have also thought bipolar. Although he does have a ton of energy and at times is very hyperactive, ADHD has never seemed to fit in my opinion. He has always excelled academically, has always been very verbal. I know that there is a ton of co-morbidity and overlap with these disorders not to mention a changing definition of how the disorders are classified. It is so frustrating! Most worrisome of all is playing around with medications with these young minds and bodies.

 

[InsaneCdn]

From what I have read about ADHD most kids do poorly in school until they are treated correctly

Well, that's definitely the first I've heard of that line of thinking...
I'm ADHD. With 2 ADD/ADHD kids, a likely-ADHD husband, and ADHD parents and siblings and aunts and uncles etc.
And... quite a few of them, including my GFGbro, had NO problem pulling down good marks. GFGbro could skip every single class, never read the book, and show up at the final, guess at the answers, and get 80% or more. But his behavior drove every single person he came in contact with, completely around the bend!

The labels are just lines in the sand. All of the "developmental" disorders include the possibility of executive function deficits. And executive function deficits are at the root of many classical symptoms, including impulsivity and hyperactivity. But... it could be ADHD, or it could be something on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum, or it could be other stuff.

The ODD label, though... I'd be very, VERY wary of.
In my experience, that diagnosis is only useful as a placeholder. It does describe problem behavior very well, but provides NO approaches to addressing this. MOST of the time, there will be some other (or multiple) missed dxes, things that haven't been caught yet, that will be causing the behavior.

So... if the behavior isn't being caused by ADHD - and I'm not saying it is or is not - then it is being caused by something else, but the "cause" will be something other than ODD.

 

[firehorsewoman]

Well, that's definitely the first I've heard of that line of thinking...
I'm ADHD. With 2 ADD/ADHD kids, a likely-ADHD husband, and ADHD parents and siblings and aunts and uncles etc.
And... quite a few of them, including my GFGbro, had NO problem pulling down good marks. GFGbro could skip every single class, never read the book, and show up at the final, guess at the answers, and get 80% or more. But his behavior drove every single person he came in contact with, completely around the bend!

The labels are just lines in the sand. All of the "developmental" disorders include the possibility of executive function deficits. And executive function deficits are at the root of many classical symptoms, including impulsivity and hyperactivity. But... it could be ADHD, or it could be something on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum, or it could be other stuff.

The ODD label, though... I'd be very, VERY wary of.
In my experience, that diagnosis is only useful as a placeholder. It does describe problem behavior very well, but provides NO approaches to addressing this. MOST of the time, there will be some other (or multiple) missed dxes, things that haven't been caught yet, that will be causing the behavior.

So... if the behavior isn't being caused by ADHD - and I'm not saying it is or is not - then it is being caused by something else, but the "cause" will be something other than ODD.

Hi, InsaneCdn,

Thanks for your input. It is helpful to hear from someone like you that has firsthand knowledge of what ADHD feels like. Do stimulants help you and/or your family members?

I have read many places that folks with ADHD struggle in school. I do not have time to do a search of each place I have seen in the past but quickly, one of the current books I am reading is called "Childhood Psychological Disorders-Current Controversies" Edited by Alberto Bursztyn and on page 56 the author of the ADHD chapter writes, "Children with ADHD often experience failure in school and little positive feelings about self." On page 57, "Schooling was a source of frustration..." "Many children with ADHD have similar experiences, eventually attending schools for behavioral problems where academic learning is less emphasized...." I will try to look for the other references I have seen that list trouble learning in school as a symptom of ADHD. Also, the adults that I know personally, struggled with academics in school. So, I am also going by what they have told me. Perhaps I am totally confused about all of this?! It is confusing.

My difficult child has never been frustrated by school or school work. He is very proud of that fact and has positive feelings about school. He has always worked above grade level. He does have problems focusing though. Lots of problems there....still his grades are very good. So, maybe he is still ADHD that affects him in school but intelligent enough to compensate? His teachers have been very surprised that he has not tested into the Academically Advanced class since his grades are so good...he just does not do well on that test for some reason. Mostly, his problems at school have been defiance, not following directions, talking, saying inappropriate things, and when he was younger....the violent meltdowns that we still see at home but luckily do not occur at school anymore.

thanks again for your input