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My easy child is about to have a reality check...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 357036" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>My comments on the living situation were not because I have any problems or make any judgements about her or anyone else's living arrangements. I inferred that you do not like the living situation based on your comment about living in sin. Personally I don't feel it has ever been my job to make that decision for others or to judge them. </p><p></p><p>I grew up with many friends who's parents would not accept that they lived with people. Most of the friends just lied to their parents, largely for financial reasons. I don't really understand it, but it wasn't my life. With the current situation, where the easy child still owes the family for books that they paid for, personally i would not be paying for her insurance, cell phone, etc.... I know my mom wouldn't either. If she wanted to help out after that was paid back she would total the amt spent and subtract the phone and insurance cost each month. When the amt was 0 then she would pay for the items again. But not until the monthly cost of the car ins payment and cell phone bill had whittled that larger amount to 0. </p><p></p><p>Most of the people I went to school with got some financial help from their parents for college or whatever they pursued. Largely because it is so hard to get financial aid as a student if your family earns anything approaching a living wage. Our parents usually spelled out living arrangements ahead of time though. It was the norm that as long as you were at home you got some help, even if it was just a low cost rent payment to cover housing and food at home. If you moved out you had to pay the bills, with sometimes help for a specific bill. If you lived with a boyfriend then you were on your own. If you moved out because the program you want was not offered close to home, often more help was given as long as you were not living with a significant other. It seemed to be the norm.</p><p></p><p>I think that letting your easy child know that you simply cannot help her is fine. You could call it a self-fulfilling prophecy if you want. She has been telling people that you can't/won't help her, that she cannot come home because difficult child. Let those be true. NOT that difficult child should be able to keep her from visiting (esp as he isn't even living at home now!). There is no shame in letting your child pay her own way. But if she is going to brag about it when it isn't true, well, maybe it is now time to make it be true.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 357036, member: 1233"] My comments on the living situation were not because I have any problems or make any judgements about her or anyone else's living arrangements. I inferred that you do not like the living situation based on your comment about living in sin. Personally I don't feel it has ever been my job to make that decision for others or to judge them. I grew up with many friends who's parents would not accept that they lived with people. Most of the friends just lied to their parents, largely for financial reasons. I don't really understand it, but it wasn't my life. With the current situation, where the easy child still owes the family for books that they paid for, personally i would not be paying for her insurance, cell phone, etc.... I know my mom wouldn't either. If she wanted to help out after that was paid back she would total the amt spent and subtract the phone and insurance cost each month. When the amt was 0 then she would pay for the items again. But not until the monthly cost of the car ins payment and cell phone bill had whittled that larger amount to 0. Most of the people I went to school with got some financial help from their parents for college or whatever they pursued. Largely because it is so hard to get financial aid as a student if your family earns anything approaching a living wage. Our parents usually spelled out living arrangements ahead of time though. It was the norm that as long as you were at home you got some help, even if it was just a low cost rent payment to cover housing and food at home. If you moved out you had to pay the bills, with sometimes help for a specific bill. If you lived with a boyfriend then you were on your own. If you moved out because the program you want was not offered close to home, often more help was given as long as you were not living with a significant other. It seemed to be the norm. I think that letting your easy child know that you simply cannot help her is fine. You could call it a self-fulfilling prophecy if you want. She has been telling people that you can't/won't help her, that she cannot come home because difficult child. Let those be true. NOT that difficult child should be able to keep her from visiting (esp as he isn't even living at home now!). There is no shame in letting your child pay her own way. But if she is going to brag about it when it isn't true, well, maybe it is now time to make it be true. [/QUOTE]
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My easy child is about to have a reality check...
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