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My four year old is abusive!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 216668" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Well, as you know it ISN"T normal 4yo behavior. You are going to have to be very persistent. Docs sometimes have a hard time thinking that little children can have big problems.</p><p> </p><p>I recommend you find a developmental pediatrician. They are more used to what is and isn't normal behavior at different stages of a child's growth and development. If you were in OK I would send you his name, he was great with a child who people kept telling us was "too nice" to be abusing his siblings and I.</p><p> </p><p>It isn't the new baby. It is just too extreme to be the new baby. You may have docs tell you that, but keep insisting that something is WRONG.</p><p> </p><p>You are going to have to make sure that your son is NEVER left alone anywhere his older brother can get near him. While your 4yo has no true concept of death, he could severely hurt or kill your baby. The fact that he stepped ont he baby hard enough to leave bruises is VERY SCARY. You are going to have to take one child or the other into the restroom with you - it truly is at that point, given what you have told us. I KNOW how hard this is. I had a child who was determined to hurt his siblings. My husband and I spent several YEARS having to take the same-sex child into the restroom with us because my oldest was hurting my daughter every time he was alonewith her for even 30 seconds. </p><p> </p><p>Yes, even in the restroom you MUST be protecting the baby. It is hard. And it stinks. And we understand how hard and scary and just horrible it feels to have to do this. Ohter parents here truly do.</p><p> </p><p>Until you can get some intense help for your child you are going to have to take safety measures including an alarm on the door so you know if your oldest goes into the baby's room at night. You need a plan for what to do in any and every type of emergency. And you need to plan out ways to keep everyone safe. </p><p> </p><p>Call the pediatrician. IF he is understanding, sit down and explain your fear for the baby. Tell him what the psychiatrist said. Ask for a referral to a developmental pediatrician, adn to a different psychiatrist. While you wait for those appts to come around, go see the psychiatrist you already saw. Tell him the 4yo stepped on the baby because he was mad at you. Tell him that you are putting safety plans into place. Tell him you need more help than parenting advice. Show him the parenting books you already have tried. Ask him to teach you to do a SAFE restraint on your son - so that you can restrain him when he is trying to hurt you or soemone else. (Your pediatrician might be able to teach you this - but you MUST be taught how by a professional or you might hurt your child, and I know you don't want to.).</p><p> </p><p>Gentle hugs, I am so sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 216668, member: 1233"] Well, as you know it ISN"T normal 4yo behavior. You are going to have to be very persistent. Docs sometimes have a hard time thinking that little children can have big problems. I recommend you find a developmental pediatrician. They are more used to what is and isn't normal behavior at different stages of a child's growth and development. If you were in OK I would send you his name, he was great with a child who people kept telling us was "too nice" to be abusing his siblings and I. It isn't the new baby. It is just too extreme to be the new baby. You may have docs tell you that, but keep insisting that something is WRONG. You are going to have to make sure that your son is NEVER left alone anywhere his older brother can get near him. While your 4yo has no true concept of death, he could severely hurt or kill your baby. The fact that he stepped ont he baby hard enough to leave bruises is VERY SCARY. You are going to have to take one child or the other into the restroom with you - it truly is at that point, given what you have told us. I KNOW how hard this is. I had a child who was determined to hurt his siblings. My husband and I spent several YEARS having to take the same-sex child into the restroom with us because my oldest was hurting my daughter every time he was alonewith her for even 30 seconds. Yes, even in the restroom you MUST be protecting the baby. It is hard. And it stinks. And we understand how hard and scary and just horrible it feels to have to do this. Ohter parents here truly do. Until you can get some intense help for your child you are going to have to take safety measures including an alarm on the door so you know if your oldest goes into the baby's room at night. You need a plan for what to do in any and every type of emergency. And you need to plan out ways to keep everyone safe. Call the pediatrician. IF he is understanding, sit down and explain your fear for the baby. Tell him what the psychiatrist said. Ask for a referral to a developmental pediatrician, adn to a different psychiatrist. While you wait for those appts to come around, go see the psychiatrist you already saw. Tell him the 4yo stepped on the baby because he was mad at you. Tell him that you are putting safety plans into place. Tell him you need more help than parenting advice. Show him the parenting books you already have tried. Ask him to teach you to do a SAFE restraint on your son - so that you can restrain him when he is trying to hurt you or soemone else. (Your pediatrician might be able to teach you this - but you MUST be taught how by a professional or you might hurt your child, and I know you don't want to.). Gentle hugs, I am so sorry. [/QUOTE]
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