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My H has a lot of resentments-Vent
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 379601" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Oh Janet, I hear you. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Just wanted to add that I don't keep a mental list in my head of what or how often I do things around here. I work full time and if I see something that needs doing, I just do it. If I need help, I ask for it. I have certain things that get done daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly...and I just do them. difficult child will help me out by cleaning the bathroom weekly (I do it monthly) and dusting. She does her own laundry but she doesn't cook meals - however, she will help with things like peeling potatoes and putting a salad together. She also cleans up after dinner if she's here. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I don't normally even complain about H not helping with regular household chores because he does do other things that I can't or refuse or hate doing, such as raking leaves/lawn, hooking up the filter, building an upstairs addition, siding the house, building a pool deck and porch, etc. Likewise, I know that H is bad at cleaning dishes, folding laundry and vacuuming or cleaning the house, gardening, pruning shrubs, planting trees, and maintaining the pool. He doesn't pay his bills on any kind of schedule that I can tell. I've often considered allowing him to handle all the bills and just give him money, but I can't do it. I pay my bills on a tight schedule so they are never late, never cross in the mail and never incur a late fee. I can't tell you how many times I hear H say that he paid a particular bill that I know was sitting on his desk for WEEKS and he's angry because he was charged a late fee - well, honey, it was late. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Also, at the start of the warmer weather, I chose to not have a garden so I could actually enjoy our yard and my summer. I made plans for both of us and for me with girlfriends. I had the best summer because I had a lot of experiences. H feels that instead of going away for long weekends or just chilling on the pool deck all weekend, I should have been painting, plucking, cleaning out the garage and recreating a new yard or something. I don't apologize for this - there will always be something to do and I'd rather paint something when the temps are cooler, like now, in the upcoming fall - not in the heat of July or August. H doesn't see this point at all and resents that I can get my weekly stuff done and then be FREE for the rest of the weekend. The man doesn't not know how to just be. To just sit and do nothing. Even when he would join me on the pool deck, within a short period of time, he would see something that needed getting done and make himself busy. He doesn't know how to relax. I watched my mom go go go growing up and it made her ill. It wasn't until she and my dad retired 3000 miles away from their kids did they learn how to enjoy life without always having something to do. I don't want to be like that. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I think we're both over worked and overwhelmed, especially at certain times of the year. We have fall/winter coming and I know there are things he wanted completed before the cold hit, such as getting the plumbing and electrical done upstairs because then he would be able to work up there over the winter so we could move up there in the Spring. I get it. But I simply don't have money or a way to make it happen. I love him and I wish I could win the lotto or something so he could finish this dream project of his...I know that in his head he's doing it for us, but for us, it feels like he's only doing it for him. Know what I mean??</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Anyway, thank you for listening and commenting. It helps me to remember that I am certainly not alone. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 379601, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Oh Janet, I hear you. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Just wanted to add that I don't keep a mental list in my head of what or how often I do things around here. I work full time and if I see something that needs doing, I just do it. If I need help, I ask for it. I have certain things that get done daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly...and I just do them. difficult child will help me out by cleaning the bathroom weekly (I do it monthly) and dusting. She does her own laundry but she doesn't cook meals - however, she will help with things like peeling potatoes and putting a salad together. She also cleans up after dinner if she's here. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I don't normally even complain about H not helping with regular household chores because he does do other things that I can't or refuse or hate doing, such as raking leaves/lawn, hooking up the filter, building an upstairs addition, siding the house, building a pool deck and porch, etc. Likewise, I know that H is bad at cleaning dishes, folding laundry and vacuuming or cleaning the house, gardening, pruning shrubs, planting trees, and maintaining the pool. He doesn't pay his bills on any kind of schedule that I can tell. I've often considered allowing him to handle all the bills and just give him money, but I can't do it. I pay my bills on a tight schedule so they are never late, never cross in the mail and never incur a late fee. I can't tell you how many times I hear H say that he paid a particular bill that I know was sitting on his desk for WEEKS and he's angry because he was charged a late fee - well, honey, it was late. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Also, at the start of the warmer weather, I chose to not have a garden so I could actually enjoy our yard and my summer. I made plans for both of us and for me with girlfriends. I had the best summer because I had a lot of experiences. H feels that instead of going away for long weekends or just chilling on the pool deck all weekend, I should have been painting, plucking, cleaning out the garage and recreating a new yard or something. I don't apologize for this - there will always be something to do and I'd rather paint something when the temps are cooler, like now, in the upcoming fall - not in the heat of July or August. H doesn't see this point at all and resents that I can get my weekly stuff done and then be FREE for the rest of the weekend. The man doesn't not know how to just be. To just sit and do nothing. Even when he would join me on the pool deck, within a short period of time, he would see something that needed getting done and make himself busy. He doesn't know how to relax. I watched my mom go go go growing up and it made her ill. It wasn't until she and my dad retired 3000 miles away from their kids did they learn how to enjoy life without always having something to do. I don't want to be like that. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I think we're both over worked and overwhelmed, especially at certain times of the year. We have fall/winter coming and I know there are things he wanted completed before the cold hit, such as getting the plumbing and electrical done upstairs because then he would be able to work up there over the winter so we could move up there in the Spring. I get it. But I simply don't have money or a way to make it happen. I love him and I wish I could win the lotto or something so he could finish this dream project of his...I know that in his head he's doing it for us, but for us, it feels like he's only doing it for him. Know what I mean??[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Anyway, thank you for listening and commenting. It helps me to remember that I am certainly not alone. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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