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My H has a lot of resentments-Vent
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 379673" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Oh Star, thanks for the laughs! After two years of living with us when easy child moved out the first and second time, the only alternative for her little pup Izzy would have been to put her up for adoption and H adamantly refused to do that - saying, "We can't give her away to another family!!!" but asking everyone and anyone if they wanted her. When one person said maybe he replied that we couldn't give her up because Sophie and Nala would miss her too much (not so in Nala's case, but Sophie would miss Izzy). So, you see, H was just as much involved in the keeping of the pup as I was...I, however, took on the caregiving when easy child stopped, which was well before she moved out...so I do see his point. But my feeling is that this is OUR home and WE should be just dealing with things as they come up and what's the big deal if sometimes one of us does more than the other - it all evens out in the end. I am not a tit4tat type of person. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">For example, annoyed with him though I was, I made him a chocolate pear tart for tonight's dessert. I also am making tenderloin tips and grilled asparagus for dinner. I also did all our laundry, folded it and will put it away. I also cleaned the house so I don't have to do it tomorrow. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">He didn't used to be like this. He didn't keep tabs on who was doing what and how many times, etc. I think it's part of his disease, alcoholism, I really do. He doesn't work any kind of program, so when he's stressed, which is often, it comes out as either depression or aggression. Because I am a busy woman with other interests, I don't typically get drawn into the drama, but maybe because I'm not feeling well (played hooky from work today!) and it may be getting close to that wonderful time of the month, I am sensitive and touchy - my feelings hurt more easily and well, I also get pretty PO'ed in lightening speed! Like I said, I think we're both tired and overwhelmed and maybe even a little frustrated. I am always pressed for time, he's always thinking about work. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Thanks for the idea about sitting down and talking - hahaha - no, really, it is a great idea, but H won't do it. And if I start, he will just start yelling again and tell me to move on. He's like that - he explodes and then 20 minutes later he behaves as if we should be all good - and if I'm still peaved, he gets mad that I am hanging onto it. Because he was able to get it all out...blah blah blah...I should know that and nevermind that it hurts my feelings. We've addressed this in counseling SEVERAL times and it's always the same thing. He agrees in counseling, but does it all over again at home. He's not always like this, in fact, most of the time, he's wonderful...yet, everyone once in a while, he gets his own version of PMS and it's not pretty.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #483d8b">Well, off to check my tart.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 379673, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Oh Star, thanks for the laughs! After two years of living with us when easy child moved out the first and second time, the only alternative for her little pup Izzy would have been to put her up for adoption and H adamantly refused to do that - saying, "We can't give her away to another family!!!" but asking everyone and anyone if they wanted her. When one person said maybe he replied that we couldn't give her up because Sophie and Nala would miss her too much (not so in Nala's case, but Sophie would miss Izzy). So, you see, H was just as much involved in the keeping of the pup as I was...I, however, took on the caregiving when easy child stopped, which was well before she moved out...so I do see his point. But my feeling is that this is OUR home and WE should be just dealing with things as they come up and what's the big deal if sometimes one of us does more than the other - it all evens out in the end. I am not a tit4tat type of person. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]For example, annoyed with him though I was, I made him a chocolate pear tart for tonight's dessert. I also am making tenderloin tips and grilled asparagus for dinner. I also did all our laundry, folded it and will put it away. I also cleaned the house so I don't have to do it tomorrow. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]He didn't used to be like this. He didn't keep tabs on who was doing what and how many times, etc. I think it's part of his disease, alcoholism, I really do. He doesn't work any kind of program, so when he's stressed, which is often, it comes out as either depression or aggression. Because I am a busy woman with other interests, I don't typically get drawn into the drama, but maybe because I'm not feeling well (played hooky from work today!) and it may be getting close to that wonderful time of the month, I am sensitive and touchy - my feelings hurt more easily and well, I also get pretty PO'ed in lightening speed! Like I said, I think we're both tired and overwhelmed and maybe even a little frustrated. I am always pressed for time, he's always thinking about work. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Thanks for the idea about sitting down and talking - hahaha - no, really, it is a great idea, but H won't do it. And if I start, he will just start yelling again and tell me to move on. He's like that - he explodes and then 20 minutes later he behaves as if we should be all good - and if I'm still peaved, he gets mad that I am hanging onto it. Because he was able to get it all out...blah blah blah...I should know that and nevermind that it hurts my feelings. We've addressed this in counseling SEVERAL times and it's always the same thing. He agrees in counseling, but does it all over again at home. He's not always like this, in fact, most of the time, he's wonderful...yet, everyone once in a while, he gets his own version of PMS and it's not pretty.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=#483d8b]Well, off to check my tart.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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