My heart is breaking ... have to call police

[New Leaf]

Still waiting ...
Difficult Child is not in school today. Don't know where he is.

Hi Terry, ohhhh dear, so, so sorry for your heartache.
What about truancy?
Are there no laws/actions to be taken there?
I know the frustration and dismay.

Stay strong and please do take good care of yourself.
(((hugs)))
Sad Leaf

 

[TerryJ2]

I know.
I found him. In the driveway, with girlfriend H, in her car, making out. About 3:30 p.m.
I walked over to his side of the car. He had the window rolled down. I asked how he enjoyed his day, since it was not spent in school.
He said it was fine.
I told him that he was locked out.
He said fine.
H pulled up her pink hoodie over her hijab and refused to look at me.
Her last text to me was that loving support for school and a job are all that Difficult Child needs from us.
Uh-huh. How's that working out for YOU, H? I guess making out in the driveway is the kind of support that he needs, not the kind where I help him with his homework. Silly me.

 

[AppleCori]

Just what you need, Terry. Parenting advice from an 18yo.

Actually, it sounds like you have been lovingly supporting him both through school and finding a job.

And fatherhood, drug addiction, mental health, and a whole lot more. SHEEEESH. What nerve that girl has. She's a Difficult Child, too. Just a different kind of Difficult Child than we typically have on this board.

I'm blown away right now. I don't know who is worse right now, him or her.

She's not exactly doing her part in lovingly supporting him in school while allowing him to skip with her! Or doing drugs and all the other things she does with him.

 

[pasajes4]

I would not call her or answer anymore texts from her. Any interaction with her just adds fuel to the fire. Calling her and asking where he is......she will lie.

 

[A dad]

You know what ugly thing is there she still has her to put it nicely composure she is not bad situation she just likes to play with people and that is scary quite scary. She is difficult because she knows she is difficult but knows how to walk the line without crossing it. From what I understand she is very smart and goes to college and the boy in trouble is like her boy toy.

 

[Tanya M]

I agree with Pasa, I would not answer anymore of her texts.

Typical though that a teen would "know" better how one should parent a teen. (I hope my sarcasm came through )

Hang in there Terry!!

 

[dstc_99]

Sending hugs Terry!

 

[susiestar]

Wouldn't she be more upset if you gave him the same kind of 'loving support' she was giving him in your driveway? I bet he would too!

(Reminds me of when Wiz was about 7 and I used to tell him that if he didn't stop doing something, I would kiss him. At the time he was in the 'I'm too grown up for hugs & kisses from Mom" stage. I found it worked very well, lol. But it was NOT what the girlfriend was giving your son, of course.)

This 'advice' from the girlfriend is ridiculous.

Even if your son gets little action this time from the charges, you still need to do this and keep doing it each an every time he steals from you. The amount and frequency will only go up in the future, esp now that he has a girlfriend & a baby & a baby momma. All that stress will mean he 'needs' more munchies in order to cope, and since it is 'only' for some snacks, it isn't a big deal to use your credit cards. In his mind, at least. You have to be consistent & follow through, even if you don't like what the court does the first few times. I am sorry he refuses to act responsibly.

 

[betty]

I feel terrible for all the parents who have a troubled son/daughter in their life.. No easy answers, it is up to our GROWN children to choose the right path.. I will never win mother of the year, but I do not deserve to be treated badly by a grown man, son or not. Keep repeating, have to stay strong, have to stay strong, oh and do not worry, I am trying to disassociate myself from this situation. Thanx for letting me dump, really need it.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you all.
Yes, I think that she's amazingly cheeky.
I am trying to figure out how to contact her parents and let them know about her boy toy.
You'd think with her unusual last name, it would be easy.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I am trying to figure out how to contact her parents and let them know about her boy toy

Just be aware that if her parents are strong, traditional adherents to her faith, contacting them will likely destroy her. However... not contacting them may be destroying your son, and if you have to choose between the two of them, your loyalties are clear.

 

[pasajes4]

They probably know unless they live under a rock. It sounds like you live in a smallish community. I would imagine that they have been spotted together and someone would have told them. I would not allow her on my property and I would let her know that if she trespasses after that the authorities will be contacted. Sounds harsh, but it is very effective.

 

[TerryJ2]

Some parents are amazingly naive and so busy working that they don't have a clue as to what's going on. Yes, Difficult Child has gone to work with H on several occasions. Her work associates surely know who he is. Sheesh.

by the way, the detective called and left me a msg today. Said that he's in and out of the office.
Great. I love phone tag.

 

[pasajes4]

Some parents know what's going on, but they turn a blind eye to it.

 

[TerryJ2]

Pasa, I won't know for sure until I meet them.
I made some progress yesterday. I discovered her father's name ... he had posted on her FB page, using the word "daughter" and I clicked on "translate."
I looked up his name, and his career path fit perfectly what she had told Difficult Child.
I still cannot find his address but I found a relative nearby.

 

[sadandfrustrated]

Her dad has a FB page? You can message him through his page even if you're not on his friends list.

 

[A dad]

Yeah that is gonna be strange if a total stranger sends a message talking about how bad your child is. Somehow he has to believe you over his own daughter its not easy not at all.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, indeed. The detective called Thurs. and wanted the last 4 digits of the card.
He's going to check out the video at the store. I bet it will have been erased and re-used by now.

 

[A dad]

Yes, indeed. The detective called Thurs. and wanted the last 4 digits of the card.
He's going to check out the video at the store. I bet it will have been erased and re-used by now.

There was a small chance that anything serious will happen to him anyway it seems the bullet missed him again.

 

[sadandfrustrated]

Yeah that is gonna be strange if a total stranger sends a message talking about how bad your child is. Somehow he has to believe you over his own daughter its not easy not at all.

I meant she could use FB as a means to ask him to contact her..