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my life is a mess
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 607200" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>joy, you have your hands full and I'm really sorry. The oldest boy is an adult and it's best to talk on parent emeritus, another forum, about adult kids because we have options and legal issues that don't exist with younger (minor) children. Do you think he is using illegal drugs? Is he compliant with his medication and therapy? I'll just say, as one whose problem kids are mostly grown up now, that it is his responsibility to comply with his treatment so that he is not a threat in any way to your youngest children. He WILL get into legal trouble if he hurts them in any way. You may too, for letting him live there, knowing he may be a threat. But those of us dealing with adult kids (18/up) can talk to you more about him on the PE forum <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> by the way, you are NOT a bad mom if your son is a bad influence or maybe even dangerous to your babies.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry about your daughter and the choice she made to go live with boyfriend. I feel she will regret it. All in due time.</p><p></p><p>As for hub, I'd go to Al-Anon before he starts drinking. If you have never gone, it is usually a warm and welcoming group of longsuffering people whose loved ones are substance abusers and they (I have found) are very loving and caring and willing to reach out a hand a listen to you when you are at your darkest...and you sound like you are in a bad place. You deserve to be treated well by sane people who have walked in your shoes. A therapist could also help you keep your head on straight during this very difficult stretch. Remember, you can not control your husband's drinking, but there are ways to detach from it. </p><p></p><p>Your three little tykes AND yourself deserve for you to have a good and rich and fulfilling life inspite of the bad choices some of your loved ones have made. You can not control them. You can only control yourself. You can learn detachment skills. If you go to Parent Emeritus you are almost guaranteed to get a long, loving, compassionate and wise response from Recovering Enabler. Her response alone is worth jumping over there. </p><p></p><p>I wish I could comfort you like she can, but all I can do is encourage you not to take ANY of this behavior of the dysfunctional people in your life personally. You didn't cause it. You can't fix it. In spite of their horrible decisions, including your "lovely" ex, you can move on to have a great rest-of-your-life.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs and hope to see you on PE <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 607200, member: 1550"] joy, you have your hands full and I'm really sorry. The oldest boy is an adult and it's best to talk on parent emeritus, another forum, about adult kids because we have options and legal issues that don't exist with younger (minor) children. Do you think he is using illegal drugs? Is he compliant with his medication and therapy? I'll just say, as one whose problem kids are mostly grown up now, that it is his responsibility to comply with his treatment so that he is not a threat in any way to your youngest children. He WILL get into legal trouble if he hurts them in any way. You may too, for letting him live there, knowing he may be a threat. But those of us dealing with adult kids (18/up) can talk to you more about him on the PE forum :) by the way, you are NOT a bad mom if your son is a bad influence or maybe even dangerous to your babies. I'm sorry about your daughter and the choice she made to go live with boyfriend. I feel she will regret it. All in due time. As for hub, I'd go to Al-Anon before he starts drinking. If you have never gone, it is usually a warm and welcoming group of longsuffering people whose loved ones are substance abusers and they (I have found) are very loving and caring and willing to reach out a hand a listen to you when you are at your darkest...and you sound like you are in a bad place. You deserve to be treated well by sane people who have walked in your shoes. A therapist could also help you keep your head on straight during this very difficult stretch. Remember, you can not control your husband's drinking, but there are ways to detach from it. Your three little tykes AND yourself deserve for you to have a good and rich and fulfilling life inspite of the bad choices some of your loved ones have made. You can not control them. You can only control yourself. You can learn detachment skills. If you go to Parent Emeritus you are almost guaranteed to get a long, loving, compassionate and wise response from Recovering Enabler. Her response alone is worth jumping over there. I wish I could comfort you like she can, but all I can do is encourage you not to take ANY of this behavior of the dysfunctional people in your life personally. You didn't cause it. You can't fix it. In spite of their horrible decisions, including your "lovely" ex, you can move on to have a great rest-of-your-life. Big hugs and hope to see you on PE :) [/QUOTE]
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