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My life is hell
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 557676" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am so sorry you are going through this, both with your daughter and your son. I too have a son who will not speak to me for reasons that aren't even real. It is hard to "get over" it, but you actually can and can move on without somebody mean and trying to hurt you in your life...and, believe it or not, you can have a happy life without her and without enabling your son. First of all, (I learned a lot because my other son is fighting my ex-daughter-in-law in court over their child), a grandmother who is paying child support may well have rights to seeing that child in the eyes of the court. Each state is different, but very involved grandparents paying for their grandkids could legally have a leg to stand on for visitation. I'd give a lawyer a call just in case your son decides to "punish" you. </p><p></p><p>You did not raise your children to be the way they are. They made choices that are different from the values they were taught. Their adult behavior is NOT your fault. in my opinion you should stop feeling guilty...you will probably need therapy to help yourself over this difficult hump. Also, in my opinion you should seriously detach and put boundaries on your son, but again I feel you probably will need professional help doing this. </p><p></p><p>I don't know your age or life circumstances, but maybe it's time for husband and you to take a new, peaceful road together and concentrate on your marriage...do fun things together, get back to your old romance. You need to start to focus on yourself, because you can't control your kids, but you CAN control yourself. Time to take in deep breaths, smell the roses, enjoy your favorite hobbies, spoil yourself silly, go out with friends, make new friends, shower yourself with the love you try to show ungrateful son. You have a right to a good life in spite of your children and how they have turned out. You have done all you can and it's your turn now. If your son is involved in drugs or alcohol go to AA or NA and learn first hand how people deal with having a good life even though somebody they love is a substance abuser. YOU OWE THIS TO YOURSELF!</p><p></p><p>All of us love our kids, but we are people outside of our kids too. We have likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, passions and desires. Once our kids reach 18 (21 for sure), it is time to move on from them. We did all we could and we need to really experience the freedom of an empty nest. But it's hard to do it on our own if we aren't used to it.</p><p></p><p>I hope you do get help for yourself so that you can find peace and happiness in your life, in spite of your children. And you really need to stop tormenting yourself with guilt. Sounds to me like you are going overboard to help your son and should probably pull back...you have done all you can and don't deserve to be abused. (((Hugs)))! Keep us posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 557676, member: 1550"] I am so sorry you are going through this, both with your daughter and your son. I too have a son who will not speak to me for reasons that aren't even real. It is hard to "get over" it, but you actually can and can move on without somebody mean and trying to hurt you in your life...and, believe it or not, you can have a happy life without her and without enabling your son. First of all, (I learned a lot because my other son is fighting my ex-daughter-in-law in court over their child), a grandmother who is paying child support may well have rights to seeing that child in the eyes of the court. Each state is different, but very involved grandparents paying for their grandkids could legally have a leg to stand on for visitation. I'd give a lawyer a call just in case your son decides to "punish" you. You did not raise your children to be the way they are. They made choices that are different from the values they were taught. Their adult behavior is NOT your fault. in my opinion you should stop feeling guilty...you will probably need therapy to help yourself over this difficult hump. Also, in my opinion you should seriously detach and put boundaries on your son, but again I feel you probably will need professional help doing this. I don't know your age or life circumstances, but maybe it's time for husband and you to take a new, peaceful road together and concentrate on your marriage...do fun things together, get back to your old romance. You need to start to focus on yourself, because you can't control your kids, but you CAN control yourself. Time to take in deep breaths, smell the roses, enjoy your favorite hobbies, spoil yourself silly, go out with friends, make new friends, shower yourself with the love you try to show ungrateful son. You have a right to a good life in spite of your children and how they have turned out. You have done all you can and it's your turn now. If your son is involved in drugs or alcohol go to AA or NA and learn first hand how people deal with having a good life even though somebody they love is a substance abuser. YOU OWE THIS TO YOURSELF! All of us love our kids, but we are people outside of our kids too. We have likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, passions and desires. Once our kids reach 18 (21 for sure), it is time to move on from them. We did all we could and we need to really experience the freedom of an empty nest. But it's hard to do it on our own if we aren't used to it. I hope you do get help for yourself so that you can find peace and happiness in your life, in spite of your children. And you really need to stop tormenting yourself with guilt. Sounds to me like you are going overboard to help your son and should probably pull back...you have done all you can and don't deserve to be abused. (((Hugs)))! Keep us posted. [/QUOTE]
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