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my mother-long! rant! warning.
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<blockquote data-quote="Dixies_fire" data-source="post: 599211" data-attributes="member: 16184"><p>I wrote a page on Facebook notes deleted it and settled on a post that read something like this, " I'm sick of being judged by someone who failed so miserably at life and never made an effort to improve, there are no words anymore" </p><p></p><p>I've thought a lot about that it isn't the first time I've said something similar and those other times I said it, it was to her face not anonymously on social media. My mom failed me on so many levels and I never stopped loving her and never questioned why she did the things she did to distance me from her until she pretty much cut me loose at 16 to sink or swim by my own merits. I honestly believe I would not be the person I am if I hadn't had to keep my head above water by my own efforts. </p><p></p><p>I don't understand how or why she judges me so harshly when my sister is an utter failure who has never been self supporting.</p><p></p><p>All of my adult life I have dealt with these condemnations which is so weird because when I was a teen we got along so well. </p><p></p><p>Anyway I was only replying to say that I have wanted to call her 3 or 4 times today and had to stop myself. I know she will not apologize for what she said unless I bring it up and then it is only to get me to shut up it isn't as if she really feels bad for saying what she said. By the way I told my best friend what she said and she said "did she think she was talking to your sister?" Because sister has been over medicating sleeping and trashing her house for months and mom is afraid to talk to her because she doesn't want to deal with the hysterics from dear sis. </p><p></p><p>This is not the first time my mom has tried to make it out like she was more of a mother then she was, it's almost like she is forgetting who she is talking to. Maybe at some</p><p>Point she was a real mom to my brother who is 14 years older and her first kid but to me or sister? Never.</p><p></p><p>I so don't want my</p><p>Kids to feel this way about me ever. It's okay if they think I'm too strict or a drag but to feel totally cut off from your mom and judged so harshly for no reason! I am a nice person I will give the short off my back to help anyone, I am a hard worker I tend to get consumed by any job I have, I'm a absolute nazi about my bills being paid. My house if it is dirty will give me an anxiety attack and both of my husband's have known this so it never gets too far gone and I must be able to walk through every room unimpeded which can be difficult with kids.</p><p></p><p>I do the lions share of the work on the house but I feel absolutely no compunction about telling my hubs that he Will pick up his trash and dishes because I am not his mom and even my kids can and do put their dishes and trash away. </p><p>By the way he cleaned the house this morning because mr Lewis is teething and not sleeping well at all which means I am not sleeping either.. He also cooked</p><p>Dinner and has cooked dinner most of the time since tk and boyo went to ex's . This is one of those things I mean by he is so amazing, he is taking care of me, which is wonderful because I need it!</p><p></p><p>How does my</p><p>Mother not know me?</p><p></p><p>Why do I want the approval of a woman who is never going to give it?</p><p></p><p>Why does it matter when she doesn't even have my approval? </p><p></p><p>Making appointment tomorrow to get scripts refilled and have Paxil adjusted or changed. I don't think I have the time to deal with a t doctor and getting them to the point where he can give me useful advice because I don't know when we are leaving here. I like to journal but its not really cathartic to me unless I feel "heard" I used to have an open diary but the media kind of died out and people don't do it much anymore it seems like.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dixies_fire, post: 599211, member: 16184"] I wrote a page on Facebook notes deleted it and settled on a post that read something like this, " I'm sick of being judged by someone who failed so miserably at life and never made an effort to improve, there are no words anymore" I've thought a lot about that it isn't the first time I've said something similar and those other times I said it, it was to her face not anonymously on social media. My mom failed me on so many levels and I never stopped loving her and never questioned why she did the things she did to distance me from her until she pretty much cut me loose at 16 to sink or swim by my own merits. I honestly believe I would not be the person I am if I hadn't had to keep my head above water by my own efforts. I don't understand how or why she judges me so harshly when my sister is an utter failure who has never been self supporting. All of my adult life I have dealt with these condemnations which is so weird because when I was a teen we got along so well. Anyway I was only replying to say that I have wanted to call her 3 or 4 times today and had to stop myself. I know she will not apologize for what she said unless I bring it up and then it is only to get me to shut up it isn't as if she really feels bad for saying what she said. By the way I told my best friend what she said and she said "did she think she was talking to your sister?" Because sister has been over medicating sleeping and trashing her house for months and mom is afraid to talk to her because she doesn't want to deal with the hysterics from dear sis. This is not the first time my mom has tried to make it out like she was more of a mother then she was, it's almost like she is forgetting who she is talking to. Maybe at some Point she was a real mom to my brother who is 14 years older and her first kid but to me or sister? Never. I so don't want my Kids to feel this way about me ever. It's okay if they think I'm too strict or a drag but to feel totally cut off from your mom and judged so harshly for no reason! I am a nice person I will give the short off my back to help anyone, I am a hard worker I tend to get consumed by any job I have, I'm a absolute nazi about my bills being paid. My house if it is dirty will give me an anxiety attack and both of my husband's have known this so it never gets too far gone and I must be able to walk through every room unimpeded which can be difficult with kids. I do the lions share of the work on the house but I feel absolutely no compunction about telling my hubs that he Will pick up his trash and dishes because I am not his mom and even my kids can and do put their dishes and trash away. By the way he cleaned the house this morning because mr Lewis is teething and not sleeping well at all which means I am not sleeping either.. He also cooked Dinner and has cooked dinner most of the time since tk and boyo went to ex's . This is one of those things I mean by he is so amazing, he is taking care of me, which is wonderful because I need it! How does my Mother not know me? Why do I want the approval of a woman who is never going to give it? Why does it matter when she doesn't even have my approval? Making appointment tomorrow to get scripts refilled and have Paxil adjusted or changed. I don't think I have the time to deal with a t doctor and getting them to the point where he can give me useful advice because I don't know when we are leaving here. I like to journal but its not really cathartic to me unless I feel "heard" I used to have an open diary but the media kind of died out and people don't do it much anymore it seems like. [/QUOTE]
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