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Substance Abuse
My niece...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 649101" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>PG, I call it "letting it go." I don't believe we have to forgive. To me, forgiveness requires remorse and amends on the other person's part. I can not dismiss my mother. Until her death (and she made sure it lasted after too) she meant to harm me and never once, even at the end, expressed any caring of me or sorrow for anything she had done. If she had, I would have forgiven her, not for religious reasons, but because I forgive easily. But you have to acknowledge what you did and own it to get forgiveness in my world (like Nancy's father did). </p><p></p><p>Letting go is pretty much the same thing, just without me thinking "Oh, I don't hold her responsible anymore." I do, but I don't ruminate about her or think about her most of the time. When I do, I still feel sad and I suspect that would be the case even if I forgave her. My belief system is pretty much you are here to learn to love and you get what you give...you are here to learn. You will be here again because you have not learned everything yet or you would not be back. So I deal with things that way. I did nothing but be kind to my mother and try to make amends and she refused my many olive branches, in which I even took the entire blame on myself, just to make it right, and she still refused to make even one kind gesture to me. That's not an exaggeration either.</p><p></p><p>But to hang onto the past causes madness. I refuse to let anyone have that kind of control over me and I do feel as if my mother has a new understanding of things where she's at. And we will speak again. For now, letting go is forgiveness to me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 649101, member: 1550"] PG, I call it "letting it go." I don't believe we have to forgive. To me, forgiveness requires remorse and amends on the other person's part. I can not dismiss my mother. Until her death (and she made sure it lasted after too) she meant to harm me and never once, even at the end, expressed any caring of me or sorrow for anything she had done. If she had, I would have forgiven her, not for religious reasons, but because I forgive easily. But you have to acknowledge what you did and own it to get forgiveness in my world (like Nancy's father did). Letting go is pretty much the same thing, just without me thinking "Oh, I don't hold her responsible anymore." I do, but I don't ruminate about her or think about her most of the time. When I do, I still feel sad and I suspect that would be the case even if I forgave her. My belief system is pretty much you are here to learn to love and you get what you give...you are here to learn. You will be here again because you have not learned everything yet or you would not be back. So I deal with things that way. I did nothing but be kind to my mother and try to make amends and she refused my many olive branches, in which I even took the entire blame on myself, just to make it right, and she still refused to make even one kind gesture to me. That's not an exaggeration either. But to hang onto the past causes madness. I refuse to let anyone have that kind of control over me and I do feel as if my mother has a new understanding of things where she's at. And we will speak again. For now, letting go is forgiveness to me. [/QUOTE]
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