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My only son.
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<blockquote data-quote="HeadlightsMom" data-source="post: 649195" data-attributes="member: 18284"><p>Mom (Florida Mom) -- First, welcome to the group. I'm sorry your current life circumstances bring you here, but glad you have found your way here for support.</p><p></p><p>First, know that you're not alone. I want to share with you that your situation is a LOT (merits CAPS) like ours. We adopted our son at age 6 (through foster care) and much of what your described we have experienced also. MUCH (also merits CAPS). He is our only son, also. In fact, he's our only child. We had 1 particular incident (though many other incidents came close) which we were also advised we HAD to have him live with us. My response was, "This is domestic violence..........So, it's ok for him to do at 17, but once he hits the magic 18 it's not?). Long story short, he assaulted my husband and the police carted him off.</p><p></p><p><strong>Documentation</strong> is the best legal barricade and protection. I agree with what so many others have said.</p><p></p><p>We kept (and I still have -- hard copies and online) records of his violence in 4 areas of documentation: <strong>LEGAL, MEDICAL</strong> (including psychiatric evaluations and hospitalizations), <strong>EDUCATIONAL</strong> (school violence incidents), and<strong> SOCIAL</strong> (e.g. I have kept a letter he wrote when he was 18 about killing many people -- including us....knowing it greatly resembled a school letter from 5th grade where he threatened to kill all the teachers and wrote threats in his own blood in the time-out room (that was a grisly day -- he went to a behavioral diagnostic school -- expelled from all others in district).</p><p></p><p>In our state there is something called <strong>"YOUTH AT RISK PETITION"</strong>. I don't know if it's a national legal option or not (I just looked it up and believe it's a national petition). If not under than name, but I'm guessing there's some equivalent. Some of it is intended to protect parents in situations such as yours. If you don't have one yet, look into it. It protected us, at least a little, on some fronts (like school issues -- Becca Bill stuff, here)</p><p></p><p>Also, you mentioned probation... Just a thought here.... Our son's 2nd probation officer flat-out accused us of being the problem (despite the fact that we'd only spoken with her once, over the phone). She then added, "Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I told her that was not acceptable, she was wrong, and I asked to speak to her supervisor. We requested a new probation officer and the supervisor, herself, offered to take on our son. She was AWESOME! Many caseworkers may not be the fit, experience or mindset which is most helpful to you. Always know you can go above them. It may not work out every time, but it did work out well for us this last time (as we were accused of similar things as you) and we were very grateful for it!</p><p></p><p>My heart and prayers are with your for better days of peace ahead!</p><p></p><p>And may I just echo everyone's sentiment here........ You have the right to be safe in your own home....and safe everywhere!</p><p></p><p>Please keep us posted and know we support you! Be safe and I hope you can find a way to do something for your own R & R....something you enjoy!</p><p></p><p>PS -- Our son is 24 this documentation continues to be a help to us. FYI -- Our son was booted from our house at age 16 (had to get permission from the probation officer - the supervisor one, but she fully agreed!)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeadlightsMom, post: 649195, member: 18284"] Mom (Florida Mom) -- First, welcome to the group. I'm sorry your current life circumstances bring you here, but glad you have found your way here for support. First, know that you're not alone. I want to share with you that your situation is a LOT (merits CAPS) like ours. We adopted our son at age 6 (through foster care) and much of what your described we have experienced also. MUCH (also merits CAPS). He is our only son, also. In fact, he's our only child. We had 1 particular incident (though many other incidents came close) which we were also advised we HAD to have him live with us. My response was, "This is domestic violence..........So, it's ok for him to do at 17, but once he hits the magic 18 it's not?). Long story short, he assaulted my husband and the police carted him off. [B]Documentation[/B] is the best legal barricade and protection. I agree with what so many others have said. We kept (and I still have -- hard copies and online) records of his violence in 4 areas of documentation: [B]LEGAL, MEDICAL[/B] (including psychiatric evaluations and hospitalizations), [B]EDUCATIONAL[/B] (school violence incidents), and[B] SOCIAL[/B] (e.g. I have kept a letter he wrote when he was 18 about killing many people -- including us....knowing it greatly resembled a school letter from 5th grade where he threatened to kill all the teachers and wrote threats in his own blood in the time-out room (that was a grisly day -- he went to a behavioral diagnostic school -- expelled from all others in district). In our state there is something called [B]"YOUTH AT RISK PETITION"[/B]. I don't know if it's a national legal option or not (I just looked it up and believe it's a national petition). If not under than name, but I'm guessing there's some equivalent. Some of it is intended to protect parents in situations such as yours. If you don't have one yet, look into it. It protected us, at least a little, on some fronts (like school issues -- Becca Bill stuff, here) Also, you mentioned probation... Just a thought here.... Our son's 2nd probation officer flat-out accused us of being the problem (despite the fact that we'd only spoken with her once, over the phone). She then added, "Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I told her that was not acceptable, she was wrong, and I asked to speak to her supervisor. We requested a new probation officer and the supervisor, herself, offered to take on our son. She was AWESOME! Many caseworkers may not be the fit, experience or mindset which is most helpful to you. Always know you can go above them. It may not work out every time, but it did work out well for us this last time (as we were accused of similar things as you) and we were very grateful for it! My heart and prayers are with your for better days of peace ahead! And may I just echo everyone's sentiment here........ You have the right to be safe in your own home....and safe everywhere! Please keep us posted and know we support you! Be safe and I hope you can find a way to do something for your own R & R....something you enjoy! PS -- Our son is 24 this documentation continues to be a help to us. FYI -- Our son was booted from our house at age 16 (had to get permission from the probation officer - the supervisor one, but she fully agreed!) [/QUOTE]
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