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My radar is up - nervous
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 179705" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">I just want to add a couple of comments about snooping, in reference to Steely's post. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">When you snoop, all you do is REINFORCE the mistrust between you. You compound the breach of trust that already exists between you.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">When you snoop, you feed into your fears and make yourself a wreck - nothing is resolved, nothing is saved, and no one feels better.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">I know about snooping and believe me, it is not a healthy way to live. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">When you purposefully DO NOT SNOOP, you are letting go of that codependent behavior that snooping IS. Snooping is codependent behavior because you are trying to sniff out a rat, head off the punch, catch him 'in the act', so that you can prevent the undesired behavior...which, in the end, is impossible. It is up to H to make the choice to be up front and honest and not hide things from you - you can't make him do that and snooping will not help.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">Snooping brings YOU down, it saps YOU of all your energy and sanity. It is not healthy for you.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">I really like Star's suggestion to simply tell him that you believe it's time to seek marital counseling and then confront him in the counselor's office. Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that snooping is not a healthy way to go about this. I wish you the best - I know that it's very VERY difficult not to want to snoop. I still have days where I have to stop my thinking and move to another room or work very hard at redirecting my thought process.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 179705, member: 2211"] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]I just want to add a couple of comments about snooping, in reference to Steely's post. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]When you snoop, all you do is REINFORCE the mistrust between you. You compound the breach of trust that already exists between you.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]When you snoop, you feed into your fears and make yourself a wreck - nothing is resolved, nothing is saved, and no one feels better.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]I know about snooping and believe me, it is not a healthy way to live. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]When you purposefully DO NOT SNOOP, you are letting go of that codependent behavior that snooping IS. Snooping is codependent behavior because you are trying to sniff out a rat, head off the punch, catch him 'in the act', so that you can prevent the undesired behavior...which, in the end, is impossible. It is up to H to make the choice to be up front and honest and not hide things from you - you can't make him do that and snooping will not help.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]Snooping brings YOU down, it saps YOU of all your energy and sanity. It is not healthy for you.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Georgia][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]I really like Star's suggestion to simply tell him that you believe it's time to seek marital counseling and then confront him in the counselor's office. Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that snooping is not a healthy way to go about this. I wish you the best - I know that it's very VERY difficult not to want to snoop. I still have days where I have to stop my thinking and move to another room or work very hard at redirecting my thought process.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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