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My sister in law is a witch & between everything else in my life-I'm at my breaking point.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 518507" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Sig, </p><p></p><p>Hi there and huge hugs to start off the evening. I am sorry you are hurting from a betrayal of this magnitude. It seems such a small thing that means so much to you could be respected by someone that you've known a life-time. My thought reading over the entire story told here as an outsider is why would this relationship be so all fired important to her, in her mind to maintain? What's the link? Where is the loyalty to that person over you and she, and twenty-five years? My suspicions would have to err on the side of a long history of jealousy on her side that she doesn't care to share with you or perhaps there have been more times your son has gone to her in confidence that she cares to admit to you in truth, and the difficult child girlfriend is part of that scenario as well. You asking her NOT to be part of their lives would then be like ME telling you NOT to be friends with someone you are friends with. She can't possibly betray their trust in telling you she's mixed up in the helping out of their problems (perhaps lending them money, giving them food, a ride, advice) so she keeps tabs on them, but from a slight distance trying to balance out her relationship with you, and them. When you tell her to keep out of their relationship? Maybe it perturbs her because in HER mind - SHE is trying to bring unification to YOUR family (do you a favor) and there you are telling her WHAT to do. (Guessing - guessing) That is after all HER nephew and maybe through the girlfriend this is how she keeps tabs on him. </p><p></p><p>Is that right? NO. Is it butting in to family business? Absolutely. Does she believe she is helping? Sure she does. She doesn't have a kid like him, so to her this is helping, and she can't possibly believe what you're trying to accomplish is right. SHE has never had to go through it. Those that haven't - have no clue. She like most people who are enablers see it as cruel, callous, mean spirited, to her - she's a HERO and possibly she gets a little jolt of heroism out of "saving" them - when or if she's doing things for them don't you imagine they are stroking her EGO a bunch? Don't you think this could happen and if that's the case? It would explain why she got so angry with YOU - I mean after all there she is trying to HELP YOUR KID....and you're being VERY ungrateful telling her what to do. (Snooping around) behind her back - (Well that's not too hard to believe because I don't get FB at all) and saw a picture posted to my account today, went ballistic and then found out someone shared a picture with me - ROFL - talk about paranoid) SO....I can see if that's what she's been doing - and a bit of it - is guilt. She IS DOING what she wants to and NOT what you ASKED her to do - and he's STILL not off drugs, STILL not treating YOU with respect but she can't see that because.....she may be funding him and for that he WOULD polish her apples. See what I mean - so while he would treat HER with respect - she just can't for the life of her figure out why he does't do the same for you because obviously at one time YOU did give him money. Make a little sense? </p><p></p><p>I'm only guessing at one of a million scenarios - but to me? It makes sense. That could be why she took such a stand like that - Her guilt x by HER thoughts on her GIGANTIC contribution to YOUR family of HER help. I mean GOSH you've got SOME nerve SIg......</p><p></p><p>Another thought occurs to me that if she is just a control freak? This could be her trying to show you that you WILL NOT TELL HER - WHO she can and can't friend or be friends with. Some people are like that. WE (meaning people like us on the board) GET the importance of DO NOT INTERFERE with my parenting. DO NOT feed the bears logic. But you know there is always that one idiot every year in Yellowstone that gets out of his car with a camera and has a candybar, waves it around and SHAZAM - can't for the life of him figure out why the Mother bear attacked him - She looked so tame -with those three cubs. And she handed him his head with one swat. The signs are there for a reason DO NOT FEED THE BEARS, DO NOT GET OUT OF YOUR CAR....DO NOT ENABLE MY DRUG BUYING SON......oh wait that one isn't in Yellowstone but probably should be or maybe it should be on YOUR facebook page. </p><p></p><p>The other thing that I CAN certainly feel right now is betrayal from someone I hardly knew, but trusted, and stabbed me in the back and it cost me my job. Betrayal is never enjoyable. Makes you feel like someone pulled a rug out from under you. I think I would stop after I've had a good cry - because crying is therapeutic, and I'd go to her face to face, and I'd read what you wrote to us, and I'd confront her. Id tell her WHY you were ASKING her not to contact the girl - not because it's a control thing - but because you want to HELP your son and this is the way it HAS to be because .....I'd tell her you did not SNOOP on Face place and explain that too - she probably doesn't understand how that works either. Id' tell her that AT THE LEAST statement you made. And then I'd tell her if she wants to continue to NOT friend you - that is on her - but you have a job to do as a Mother, and if your son has to have a chance it has to be this way - end of story. I'd tell her that you've had 25 years as sister.....you love her or whatever - and you still want to be friends (or whatever) and now that ball is in her court, and I'd leave. I wouldn't keep on about any of it, I wouldn't argue - I'd stick to facts, keep emotion out of it - and lay it in her lap. But I would NOT let this fester for any longer than a few days thought - because it's not healthy for you. </p><p></p><p>Just my two cents. </p><p>And anytime you need to talk - I am here. I'm a bit howd they say it YUMMPY (actually I think I'm gamey - trying to save on the water bill) lol......</p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 518507, member: 4964"] Sig, Hi there and huge hugs to start off the evening. I am sorry you are hurting from a betrayal of this magnitude. It seems such a small thing that means so much to you could be respected by someone that you've known a life-time. My thought reading over the entire story told here as an outsider is why would this relationship be so all fired important to her, in her mind to maintain? What's the link? Where is the loyalty to that person over you and she, and twenty-five years? My suspicions would have to err on the side of a long history of jealousy on her side that she doesn't care to share with you or perhaps there have been more times your son has gone to her in confidence that she cares to admit to you in truth, and the difficult child girlfriend is part of that scenario as well. You asking her NOT to be part of their lives would then be like ME telling you NOT to be friends with someone you are friends with. She can't possibly betray their trust in telling you she's mixed up in the helping out of their problems (perhaps lending them money, giving them food, a ride, advice) so she keeps tabs on them, but from a slight distance trying to balance out her relationship with you, and them. When you tell her to keep out of their relationship? Maybe it perturbs her because in HER mind - SHE is trying to bring unification to YOUR family (do you a favor) and there you are telling her WHAT to do. (Guessing - guessing) That is after all HER nephew and maybe through the girlfriend this is how she keeps tabs on him. Is that right? NO. Is it butting in to family business? Absolutely. Does she believe she is helping? Sure she does. She doesn't have a kid like him, so to her this is helping, and she can't possibly believe what you're trying to accomplish is right. SHE has never had to go through it. Those that haven't - have no clue. She like most people who are enablers see it as cruel, callous, mean spirited, to her - she's a HERO and possibly she gets a little jolt of heroism out of "saving" them - when or if she's doing things for them don't you imagine they are stroking her EGO a bunch? Don't you think this could happen and if that's the case? It would explain why she got so angry with YOU - I mean after all there she is trying to HELP YOUR KID....and you're being VERY ungrateful telling her what to do. (Snooping around) behind her back - (Well that's not too hard to believe because I don't get FB at all) and saw a picture posted to my account today, went ballistic and then found out someone shared a picture with me - ROFL - talk about paranoid) SO....I can see if that's what she's been doing - and a bit of it - is guilt. She IS DOING what she wants to and NOT what you ASKED her to do - and he's STILL not off drugs, STILL not treating YOU with respect but she can't see that because.....she may be funding him and for that he WOULD polish her apples. See what I mean - so while he would treat HER with respect - she just can't for the life of her figure out why he does't do the same for you because obviously at one time YOU did give him money. Make a little sense? I'm only guessing at one of a million scenarios - but to me? It makes sense. That could be why she took such a stand like that - Her guilt x by HER thoughts on her GIGANTIC contribution to YOUR family of HER help. I mean GOSH you've got SOME nerve SIg...... Another thought occurs to me that if she is just a control freak? This could be her trying to show you that you WILL NOT TELL HER - WHO she can and can't friend or be friends with. Some people are like that. WE (meaning people like us on the board) GET the importance of DO NOT INTERFERE with my parenting. DO NOT feed the bears logic. But you know there is always that one idiot every year in Yellowstone that gets out of his car with a camera and has a candybar, waves it around and SHAZAM - can't for the life of him figure out why the Mother bear attacked him - She looked so tame -with those three cubs. And she handed him his head with one swat. The signs are there for a reason DO NOT FEED THE BEARS, DO NOT GET OUT OF YOUR CAR....DO NOT ENABLE MY DRUG BUYING SON......oh wait that one isn't in Yellowstone but probably should be or maybe it should be on YOUR facebook page. The other thing that I CAN certainly feel right now is betrayal from someone I hardly knew, but trusted, and stabbed me in the back and it cost me my job. Betrayal is never enjoyable. Makes you feel like someone pulled a rug out from under you. I think I would stop after I've had a good cry - because crying is therapeutic, and I'd go to her face to face, and I'd read what you wrote to us, and I'd confront her. Id tell her WHY you were ASKING her not to contact the girl - not because it's a control thing - but because you want to HELP your son and this is the way it HAS to be because .....I'd tell her you did not SNOOP on Face place and explain that too - she probably doesn't understand how that works either. Id' tell her that AT THE LEAST statement you made. And then I'd tell her if she wants to continue to NOT friend you - that is on her - but you have a job to do as a Mother, and if your son has to have a chance it has to be this way - end of story. I'd tell her that you've had 25 years as sister.....you love her or whatever - and you still want to be friends (or whatever) and now that ball is in her court, and I'd leave. I wouldn't keep on about any of it, I wouldn't argue - I'd stick to facts, keep emotion out of it - and lay it in her lap. But I would NOT let this fester for any longer than a few days thought - because it's not healthy for you. Just my two cents. And anytime you need to talk - I am here. I'm a bit howd they say it YUMMPY (actually I think I'm gamey - trying to save on the water bill) lol...... Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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My sister in law is a witch & between everything else in my life-I'm at my breaking point.
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