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Substance Abuse
My son relapsed....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 694543" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>On another thread I wrote about my mother and my sister. About how my sister utterly rejected my mother as she died. About the most horrifying thing that ever happened to me, that I ever was a part of.</p><p></p><p>And you know what? For nearly the first time in my life I miss my sister. She will not have anything to do with me either. </p><p></p><p>And I spent my life indifferent to her, rejecting her. Oh. I had all kinds of good reasons. I thought. She was passive aggressive (and now, aggressive.) She is mercenary and materialistic. We are not at all alike.</p><p></p><p>You see, I do not think I ever believed in mercy, in my own heart. Oh yes, if it did not cost me much. And now, I am able to see that the missing piece was in my own heart. I am humbled. </p><p></p><p>Watching this horror story play out in my life I was forced to accept my own part in it. And there is no way to atone for it. Because my mother is gone and my story is nearly played out. </p><p></p><p>I am seeing that the person I needed to hold responsible was myself. Nobody else. My sister all she was was human. I was the responsible one. I see that now. </p><p></p><p>The biggest challenges are when you can hold somebody else responsible. That you can, does not make it right. The most heroic stance sometimes, is to do the best you can, holding oneself responsible and nobody else. I wish I had done that. So many times, I did not. It is too late now. At least with my birth family. I was very, very wrong.</p><p></p><p>There is another thread right now where a mother is debating whether to accept the possibility of seeing her grandchild where she has been rejected and humiliated, both her and her husband--by her daughter and son in law. The mother is having a hard time with her anger at her daughter and her own pride of having been treated so shabbily by her. That is such a parental thing--to get mad when you see your children acting badly--especially towards oneself.</p><p></p><p>So, I am wondering now how this relates to what I counseled RN, and she replied to me asking about love. And I said to her sometimes love is not the most important thing. Responsibility is. Am I contradicting myself. I do not think so but I do not yet know why. I will think on it and get back to you in a couple of days. Because my work week starts tomorrow and it is grueling.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 694543, member: 18958"] On another thread I wrote about my mother and my sister. About how my sister utterly rejected my mother as she died. About the most horrifying thing that ever happened to me, that I ever was a part of. And you know what? For nearly the first time in my life I miss my sister. She will not have anything to do with me either. And I spent my life indifferent to her, rejecting her. Oh. I had all kinds of good reasons. I thought. She was passive aggressive (and now, aggressive.) She is mercenary and materialistic. We are not at all alike. You see, I do not think I ever believed in mercy, in my own heart. Oh yes, if it did not cost me much. And now, I am able to see that the missing piece was in my own heart. I am humbled. Watching this horror story play out in my life I was forced to accept my own part in it. And there is no way to atone for it. Because my mother is gone and my story is nearly played out. I am seeing that the person I needed to hold responsible was myself. Nobody else. My sister all she was was human. I was the responsible one. I see that now. The biggest challenges are when you can hold somebody else responsible. That you can, does not make it right. The most heroic stance sometimes, is to do the best you can, holding oneself responsible and nobody else. I wish I had done that. So many times, I did not. It is too late now. At least with my birth family. I was very, very wrong. There is another thread right now where a mother is debating whether to accept the possibility of seeing her grandchild where she has been rejected and humiliated, both her and her husband--by her daughter and son in law. The mother is having a hard time with her anger at her daughter and her own pride of having been treated so shabbily by her. That is such a parental thing--to get mad when you see your children acting badly--especially towards oneself. So, I am wondering now how this relates to what I counseled RN, and she replied to me asking about love. And I said to her sometimes love is not the most important thing. Responsibility is. Am I contradicting myself. I do not think so but I do not yet know why. I will think on it and get back to you in a couple of days. Because my work week starts tomorrow and it is grueling. [/QUOTE]
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