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My worst nightmare has happened
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 597681" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Welcome. Glad you found us but sorry you had to even look for our site. First and foremost MANY of us have walked in your shoes....and alot of us are still on that destructive path. As you know your post includes a variety of separate and painful issues and I'm going to offer my input in a list form.</p><p></p><p>1. You need to seek outside support for yourself. Yes, I know it is hard to reach out to a group (particularly if you live in a small community in the South!) but that is where you will find other "great Moms" who have been absorbed by the poor choices of their adult children. You took multiple opportunities to reassure us that you area a "good Mom" which means that she has undermined your image of yourself and the results of your decades of parenting. You must get to the point where Her actions are Hers and you accept that she is responsible for her choices.</p><p></p><p>2. If you take time to read old posts on this forum (including Substance Abuse and Parent Emeritus) you will discover that most of us raised bright and sometimes exceptional kids. Probably half of the gifted students dropped out of high school before graduation. Almost all of them began to hang out with losers who never had a chance for a great future in the first place...........and...........almost all of them became bong lovers. </p><p></p><p>3. Your daughter has chosen a path that causes you concern and pain. Honestly you are not alone as most of us have been there done that. The pregnancy is also beyond your control. NOW is the time for you to get support for yourself because I 100% know what life is like if you begin to "save" unexpected grandchildren. My grandson is <u>26</u> years old and almost all of his life he has lived with us. His little brother lived with us about eight years...with another two if you piece together times when we had him "come home" for stability. It is NOT as simple as "helping out with a newborn" when you have a dysfunctional adult. Once you open your heart and your home it is impossible to kick out a loved grandchild.</p><p></p><p>4. Have you ever read and thought about the Serenity Prayers meaning? (The prayer that is universally used by AA groups and not church related?) That prayer has saved my sanity. Or, at least I hope so. LOL.</p><p></p><p>5. One of the first steps that help with Detachment is analyzing how you are keeping track of her life. Are you using the computer? Old friends? Texts? Telephone calls? Relatives? Most of us began this awful journey by being determined to "know" what was happening with our loved difficult children. Almost all of us found we regained some peace in our lives when we no longer actively sought information.</p><p></p><p>You can have a future that is happy because you have earned it. You cannot change her course but you can change yours. Welcome again. Hugs DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 597681, member: 35"] Welcome. Glad you found us but sorry you had to even look for our site. First and foremost MANY of us have walked in your shoes....and alot of us are still on that destructive path. As you know your post includes a variety of separate and painful issues and I'm going to offer my input in a list form. 1. You need to seek outside support for yourself. Yes, I know it is hard to reach out to a group (particularly if you live in a small community in the South!) but that is where you will find other "great Moms" who have been absorbed by the poor choices of their adult children. You took multiple opportunities to reassure us that you area a "good Mom" which means that she has undermined your image of yourself and the results of your decades of parenting. You must get to the point where Her actions are Hers and you accept that she is responsible for her choices. 2. If you take time to read old posts on this forum (including Substance Abuse and Parent Emeritus) you will discover that most of us raised bright and sometimes exceptional kids. Probably half of the gifted students dropped out of high school before graduation. Almost all of them began to hang out with losers who never had a chance for a great future in the first place...........and...........almost all of them became bong lovers. 3. Your daughter has chosen a path that causes you concern and pain. Honestly you are not alone as most of us have been there done that. The pregnancy is also beyond your control. NOW is the time for you to get support for yourself because I 100% know what life is like if you begin to "save" unexpected grandchildren. My grandson is [U]26[/U] years old and almost all of his life he has lived with us. His little brother lived with us about eight years...with another two if you piece together times when we had him "come home" for stability. It is NOT as simple as "helping out with a newborn" when you have a dysfunctional adult. Once you open your heart and your home it is impossible to kick out a loved grandchild. 4. Have you ever read and thought about the Serenity Prayers meaning? (The prayer that is universally used by AA groups and not church related?) That prayer has saved my sanity. Or, at least I hope so. LOL. 5. One of the first steps that help with Detachment is analyzing how you are keeping track of her life. Are you using the computer? Old friends? Texts? Telephone calls? Relatives? Most of us began this awful journey by being determined to "know" what was happening with our loved difficult children. Almost all of us found we regained some peace in our lives when we no longer actively sought information. You can have a future that is happy because you have earned it. You cannot change her course but you can change yours. Welcome again. Hugs DDD [/QUOTE]
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