Oh, I understand the desire..........much more than anyone could possibly know.
Travis spent his first 6-7 months not sleeping......it was mainly spent crying or screaming. What few photos I have of him during that period were random moments when he was happy and smiling.....and I do mean random. He was failure to thrive as he projectile vomited anything that went into his stomach. Poor baby was literally starving before my eyes but it took me that long to get his pediatrician doctor to listen......uh, no not HIS pediatrician doctor, she evidently believed a 6 month old weighing in at less than his birth weight was perfectly fine!..........it was her husband who actually did something about it.
Sleep was not something I did much of during that time frame. I considered myself extremely lucky to catch an hour nap, only got that if Fred would rock, walk, whatever Travis down in mother in law's family room where I couldn't hear him. (no one but me could take him more than that amount of time)
Horrifically sleep deprived, I remember one night in particular with the overwhelming need to just throw him across the room. To do something, anything to just shut him up. The moment the mere thought passed through my brain, my blood turned to ice and I started bawling hysterically...... (of course I didn't act on it, just the thought alone was devastating)
I thank God that I had both the maternal instinct and the presence of mind even in that state NOT to act on that momentary desire. But it gave me an entirely different perspective on parents who do lose it under those situations. Unacceptable, regardless, but I could at least "get" what drove them to it.