Narcissist's Child Blospot Link: Triangulation

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by Scent of Cedar *, Jan 17, 2016.

  1. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Good article, thank you Cedar.
    This is a good read for folks who are being triangulated by their d cs.
    I think substance abuse can create narcissistic tendencies. The relationship with our d cs and the drug is first and foremost.
    Even a single parent can be triangulated in this aspect, the drug being a component in the triangle. It is as if the drug takes on an entity of it's own, while the parent is depersonalized and objectified.
    Thank you Cedar
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Serenity posted on another thread for her person she was responding to, to Google the concept of Radical Acceptance. So, though I figured I already knew all about it (like I always do :O) I thought that would be a good thing for me to explore, too. I learned a great deal there. Here is a link to one of the sites I read this morning.

    Thank you, Serenity.

    I am beginning to think the worst thing we can do is to believe we already know enough about good, strengthening concepts. I read some more about Dialectic Behavior Therapy, too. There is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook that I read about. One of the authors co-authored the very fine book Self-Esteem by McKay / Fanning.

    Here is the link to the Radical Acceptance information.


    Also, a quote:

    Whenever I climb, I am followed by a dog called Ego.


    This came from one of the sites having to do with Radical Acceptance. Ego plays its very large part, for us all. It is good to remember that, when we find ourselves grieving or feeling sad.

    Or angry, although the truth is I do like to be angry, very much. I just don't want to get stuck there in bitterness or keep stumbling over resent.

    Amazing, how much of that I am carrying.

    That is why it was good for me to read about Radical Acceptance again.

    I forgot that, somehow. Thought I knew what I was doing, maybe.

    For heaven's sake.


    So, this phase of my process has to do with acceptance. I think what happened is that as I learned my own story through different eyes by telling it here, I thought I was done. Healed. Good to go. (Thanks so much to each of you; it mattered very much that you were here. Sometimes, I still can hardly believe we did it.) Just lately, I reached the point at which guilt and resentment and, for the most part, anger too, seemed simply to have dissipated. It was a heady, happy feeling. In my reading this morning, I learned that this cyclic nature of healing and happiness intermingled with grief and an echoey replay of old anger is a sign of valid, honest healing.

    Is a sign of continued healing.

    Please remember to envision yourself healing. We are only just beginning the healing process. It feels so right to us because we feel enormously healthy because now we know how to name why we suffer. Just think, are only just beginning to heal. There will be times we are very sad, or times we feel heady with happiness and light, and there will be times in which we regret so much that was lost. It is, all of it, how we heal. We need to remember that, every day, I think. That today, we are healing.

    Remember: "How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal, but by degrees."

    I find that it is important for us to continue centering ourselves in healthy mindsets even after we think we've come through it. Old thought patterns, old ways of thinking, are surprisingly difficult to recognize. We need to watch for times we are devaluing ourselves, or discounting our emotions, or saying we are not tired when we are.

    Reading again about Radical Acceptance was very healing for me, this morning. Reading again about grief was healing for me, and remembering that I am grieving, and that I need to pay attention to how I am doing as I heal. It is an old pattern for me, and maybe for you too, to get myself upright and functional and dive back in, trumpeting about how strong I am. I need to, and maybe you do too, need to remember to be aware of how we are feeling as we heal, even if we are stronger, and even if we are proud and amazed at our strength. We are also human. We are healing. We need to remember this is an active process, and that whatever else is happening in our lives, we need to self-nurture in meaningful ways.

    In The Artist's Way at Work, there is the concept of taking time, a specified, scheduled time, for play, as part of healing. Say, to visit an art gallery alone, or to see a movie alone, or treat ourselves in some other way (alone) that feeds our creativity. It could be visiting a park. It could be just a walk on Saturday morning. The theory was that we schedule this time for ourselves and commit to it. In this way, we teach ourselves our value, but we also feed our creative Child within. We are free, like we were when we were little and without time pressure. Just that weekly date with ourselves will change, so the theory goes, the way we value ourselves.

    I have been doing that in a sense, through classes and work, but I have not taken unstructured free time just for myself. I will do that soon, and post here about the outcome.

    Again, everybody reading along, I am so grateful we are doing this together.

    Thank you.


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  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Out to go hack away in the jungle.
    Beautiful post Cedar, thank you for sharing.
    Radical Acceptance.