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Substance Abuse
Need advice......have a question about when your child was asked to leave.
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 602916" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>As I mentioned before I have not been there done that due to an accident that changed our circumstances completely. on the other hand, I have been here for over a decade and can assure you that is NOT one checklist to use. All of us are different and our difficult children are not identical either. Some of us have remained in touch and paid for the phone to assure difficult children didn't isolate from the family. Others have cut off the phone right away to emphasize that difficult child was on his or her own. Absolutely a universal rule is <strong>do not stay on the phone if the call is abusive or manipulative.</strong> Just say "Bye, I've got to go now." and hang up. </p><p></p><p>Personally I don't "think" that you should call him to provide encouragement. If he calls with a specific concern you can offer direction IF it seems appropriate. Yeah, I know, it sounds conflicting but it has to be based on who you all are. For example if he calls and says "there is no place I can go to sleep" you should have a list of "homeless shelters that you have spoken to" so you can respond "difficult child you can go to x, y or z." Knowing my personality I would likely add, lol, "OR, son, you can decide to give up drugs and go to the ABC Center for treatment which Dad and I believe is in YOUR best interests". If he calls and says he is hungry...pull out a list of where free meals are served. IF he is one to "blame" or "whine" have a list by the phone or set responses...choose one and read it to him. Examples??? "I know you can find the right solution for this problem because you are a bright kid." Then, you say "good luck, I've got to go now. Love you."</p><p></p><p>Others here have been there done that and also are still doing that. I completely understand your fears and your goals and your love. I can't help but feel compassion for the grandparents, sigh, because they have not yet gotten to the point you and your husband have reached. Some difficult child parents are able to just get flat out ANGRY and cope that way. Some difficult child parents keep hiding from the problem because they just can't "man up" and try to change the course of their kid's life. Most of us??? Most of us make well thought out choices and then spend a heck of alot of time crying alone in fear and repeating the Serenity Prayer. </p><p></p><p>Trust yourself and your husband. Stay in a tandem line with husband. You guys created difficult child, you love him and today you are fighting to encourage him to find a healthy path. The two of you can wax and wane a bit with-o feeling guilty. It is YOUR life. It is YOUR son. The whole process is not etched in stone. Personally (and I think most of the parents on the CD Board) I would give my life in a nano second IF I could change easy child/difficult child. Sadly we just can't. Hugs DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 602916, member: 35"] As I mentioned before I have not been there done that due to an accident that changed our circumstances completely. on the other hand, I have been here for over a decade and can assure you that is NOT one checklist to use. All of us are different and our difficult children are not identical either. Some of us have remained in touch and paid for the phone to assure difficult children didn't isolate from the family. Others have cut off the phone right away to emphasize that difficult child was on his or her own. Absolutely a universal rule is [B]do not stay on the phone if the call is abusive or manipulative.[/B] Just say "Bye, I've got to go now." and hang up. Personally I don't "think" that you should call him to provide encouragement. If he calls with a specific concern you can offer direction IF it seems appropriate. Yeah, I know, it sounds conflicting but it has to be based on who you all are. For example if he calls and says "there is no place I can go to sleep" you should have a list of "homeless shelters that you have spoken to" so you can respond "difficult child you can go to x, y or z." Knowing my personality I would likely add, lol, "OR, son, you can decide to give up drugs and go to the ABC Center for treatment which Dad and I believe is in YOUR best interests". If he calls and says he is hungry...pull out a list of where free meals are served. IF he is one to "blame" or "whine" have a list by the phone or set responses...choose one and read it to him. Examples??? "I know you can find the right solution for this problem because you are a bright kid." Then, you say "good luck, I've got to go now. Love you." Others here have been there done that and also are still doing that. I completely understand your fears and your goals and your love. I can't help but feel compassion for the grandparents, sigh, because they have not yet gotten to the point you and your husband have reached. Some difficult child parents are able to just get flat out ANGRY and cope that way. Some difficult child parents keep hiding from the problem because they just can't "man up" and try to change the course of their kid's life. Most of us??? Most of us make well thought out choices and then spend a heck of alot of time crying alone in fear and repeating the Serenity Prayer. Trust yourself and your husband. Stay in a tandem line with husband. You guys created difficult child, you love him and today you are fighting to encourage him to find a healthy path. The two of you can wax and wane a bit with-o feeling guilty. It is YOUR life. It is YOUR son. The whole process is not etched in stone. Personally (and I think most of the parents on the CD Board) I would give my life in a nano second IF I could change easy child/difficult child. Sadly we just can't. Hugs DDD [/QUOTE]
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