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Substance Abuse
Need advice......have a question about when your child was asked to leave.
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 602928" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>As DDD, Daisy, and TL said, it varies from family to family. As far as encouraging messages, I don't think that will help right now since your difficult child hasn't even acknowledged that he has a drug problem. So encouraging him to get clean will fall on deaf ears. An occasional I love you, though, wouldn't hurt. He will probably throw it back in your face, however, since he is looking for someone to blame right now. I know my daughter would have replied that since we threw her out it showed that we didn't love her and probably would have added some other ugly things.</p><p></p><p>Texting was easier for me but there did come a time that we had to set limits to the contact because our difficult child kept trying to manipulate us and we had to make it clear that we would not listen to it anymore. DDD was right about setting boundaries about what you will listen to . . . hang up when he is abusive or manipulative. We even ended up blocking our difficult child's texts and having her calls go straight to voicemail so we could choose when we wanted to answer her calls.</p><p></p><p>As far as paying for his phone, we chose long ago to make that her responsibility so we do not pay for her phone and haven't since she was a teen. Somehow. she always managed to make that payment. She has a MetroPCS account which only costs $50 for unlimited phone calls and data. She has to pay upfront so it doesn't matter that her credit rating is in the toilet.</p><p></p><p>Other members like being able to see that their difficult child's are alive so they have kept them on the family phone plan. That is up to you but if he is being abusive to you then I definitely would suspend that line for the time being.</p><p></p><p>There are no easy answers and there are no right answers. You have to do what you feel is right and that you can live with. You have it harder than I did because husband and I didn't have any family close by so no one was second guessing us. Of course, that also meant that we didn't have family support to turn to when things got tough.</p><p></p><p>I actually agree with his grandma about the mental health issues being a factor in your son's drug abuse. I have become convinced over the years that mental illness and substance abuse are intertwined. My difficult child has had many different diagnoses over the years. I still don't know which ones are right. Doctors really can't make a diagnosis until the person is clean and sober. There have been several recent studies that show that treatment must happen simultaneously. It is called dual-diagnosis and the top treatment centers work on both the substance abuse and mental health issues at the same time. Otherwise, it is just a vicious cycle. They get clean but then self-medicate due to the mental health problems. Or they are in treatment for the mental health issues but the addiction gets in the way of it being effective.</p><p></p><p>Either way, your son has to acknowledge that he has a problem and be willing to get help.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 602928, member: 1967"] As DDD, Daisy, and TL said, it varies from family to family. As far as encouraging messages, I don't think that will help right now since your difficult child hasn't even acknowledged that he has a drug problem. So encouraging him to get clean will fall on deaf ears. An occasional I love you, though, wouldn't hurt. He will probably throw it back in your face, however, since he is looking for someone to blame right now. I know my daughter would have replied that since we threw her out it showed that we didn't love her and probably would have added some other ugly things. Texting was easier for me but there did come a time that we had to set limits to the contact because our difficult child kept trying to manipulate us and we had to make it clear that we would not listen to it anymore. DDD was right about setting boundaries about what you will listen to . . . hang up when he is abusive or manipulative. We even ended up blocking our difficult child's texts and having her calls go straight to voicemail so we could choose when we wanted to answer her calls. As far as paying for his phone, we chose long ago to make that her responsibility so we do not pay for her phone and haven't since she was a teen. Somehow. she always managed to make that payment. She has a MetroPCS account which only costs $50 for unlimited phone calls and data. She has to pay upfront so it doesn't matter that her credit rating is in the toilet. Other members like being able to see that their difficult child's are alive so they have kept them on the family phone plan. That is up to you but if he is being abusive to you then I definitely would suspend that line for the time being. There are no easy answers and there are no right answers. You have to do what you feel is right and that you can live with. You have it harder than I did because husband and I didn't have any family close by so no one was second guessing us. Of course, that also meant that we didn't have family support to turn to when things got tough. I actually agree with his grandma about the mental health issues being a factor in your son's drug abuse. I have become convinced over the years that mental illness and substance abuse are intertwined. My difficult child has had many different diagnoses over the years. I still don't know which ones are right. Doctors really can't make a diagnosis until the person is clean and sober. There have been several recent studies that show that treatment must happen simultaneously. It is called dual-diagnosis and the top treatment centers work on both the substance abuse and mental health issues at the same time. Otherwise, it is just a vicious cycle. They get clean but then self-medicate due to the mental health problems. Or they are in treatment for the mental health issues but the addiction gets in the way of it being effective. Either way, your son has to acknowledge that he has a problem and be willing to get help. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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