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Substance Abuse
Need advice......have a question about when your child was asked to leave.
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 602939"><p>I don't have time to write a long answer, but I heartily ditto all the advice you've been given. It is something we all struggle with and we've all posted about it at one time or another or multiple times. I like having my son's phone in my name because there were many weeks that I did check to see if he was using it just to know he was alive.</p><p></p><p>As far as texts or calls, you have to live with yourself so do what you have to do. No judgment, no right answer. I couldn't help but remember a board "aha moment" many months ago... I wish I could remember who posted it. I think it was advice received from a therapist or support group. Anyway, " Don't dial pain." Try to remember that. So often, we would go too far in seeking out a connection with a lost difficult child -- chasing their love or trying to reach their hearts- and it would backfire. And then we'd try again. And in the end, WE felt worse. So, try remember that you don't have the magic words to change your difficult child. Yes, call or text when needed, but at the same time - try to keep an inner sense of detachment while doing so.</p><p></p><p>Me? I did my fair amount of chasing, of dialing pain. Desperate to hear his voice,desperate to try to get thru to him and yes - it did not work and often broke my heart and poured salt on my wounds. Our difficult children are usually great at detaching from us. My husband would remind me that the therapist told us we needed to give difficult child enough space to miss us. At the same time, the therapist also acknowledged that I had to accept that I was a mother first and I couldn't beat myself up or antagonize over "how" to parent this difficult child perfectly. So, that's what I say to you. Most of all, do what you need to do and don't hold your own actions under a microscope.</p><p></p><p>Personally, I eventually settled into a pattern of a "good night, I love you text" every Sunday evening and nothing more. When he didn't reply, I cried my eyes out. Initially, if he replied, i would send additional OTT texts in response that he ignored, cue crying eyes out. After that, when he DID reply, I tried to remember to send just a quick "thank you, sleep well" back in response and nothing more.</p><p></p><p>Be well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 602939"] I don't have time to write a long answer, but I heartily ditto all the advice you've been given. It is something we all struggle with and we've all posted about it at one time or another or multiple times. I like having my son's phone in my name because there were many weeks that I did check to see if he was using it just to know he was alive. As far as texts or calls, you have to live with yourself so do what you have to do. No judgment, no right answer. I couldn't help but remember a board "aha moment" many months ago... I wish I could remember who posted it. I think it was advice received from a therapist or support group. Anyway, " Don't dial pain." Try to remember that. So often, we would go too far in seeking out a connection with a lost difficult child -- chasing their love or trying to reach their hearts- and it would backfire. And then we'd try again. And in the end, WE felt worse. So, try remember that you don't have the magic words to change your difficult child. Yes, call or text when needed, but at the same time - try to keep an inner sense of detachment while doing so. Me? I did my fair amount of chasing, of dialing pain. Desperate to hear his voice,desperate to try to get thru to him and yes - it did not work and often broke my heart and poured salt on my wounds. Our difficult children are usually great at detaching from us. My husband would remind me that the therapist told us we needed to give difficult child enough space to miss us. At the same time, the therapist also acknowledged that I had to accept that I was a mother first and I couldn't beat myself up or antagonize over "how" to parent this difficult child perfectly. So, that's what I say to you. Most of all, do what you need to do and don't hold your own actions under a microscope. Personally, I eventually settled into a pattern of a "good night, I love you text" every Sunday evening and nothing more. When he didn't reply, I cried my eyes out. Initially, if he replied, i would send additional OTT texts in response that he ignored, cue crying eyes out. After that, when he DID reply, I tried to remember to send just a quick "thank you, sleep well" back in response and nothing more. Be well. [/QUOTE]
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Need advice......have a question about when your child was asked to leave.
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