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need advice regarding 18yr old
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621844" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome finurse. I am sorry you're going through this with your daughter and your mother too. You're sandwiched between them in an unhealthy way. </p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, you may find it useful and informative. </p><p></p><p>You're in an unusual situation in that you are all fenced in together in a housing situation which sounds pretty dysfunctional and unhealthy and yet you can't financially, at the moment, remove yourselves. I can imagine how difficult, frustrating and exhausting it all is. </p><p></p><p>It doesn't sound as if reasoning and talking works with your parents or your daughter. You can't control the situation and your mother is making it so difficult with the controlling presence she fosters in her home..........I can see how you would feel very stuck and powerless.</p><p></p><p>If at all possible, try to find some support for you, perhaps therapy, if you can afford that. Usually there are professional services available at a sliding scale if you dig around you can likely find some. Or you can look for a parent group in your area where you can talk about the issues and find others who can empathize and offer support. It may be necessary for you to practice detachment from both your parents and your daughter at this point, so that you don't go crazy. You're in a crazy making situation where everyone is acting out in controlling and manipulative ways. I feel for you, this has got to be hard for you. I'm sorry.</p><p></p><p>I don't have any clear cut answers for you, living with your parents and having your mother give your daughter everything against your wishes and supporting all of you at the same time is very unusual. If it were me I would recognize the fact that I can't control any of this, or any of these people and I would begin practicing detachment. I would get myself support to do that. I would begin putting the focus on myself and take it off of your daughter. I would do nurturing and kind things for ME. I would make sure I exercised, got outside, slept well, ate well, and put my self care at the top of my priority list. </p><p></p><p>You might want to pick up Codependent no More by Melodie Beattie. Keep posting it helps us to clarify our issues and get support and compassion. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. You've come to a safe place where we understand. You are not alone. We are here if you need us. Sending warm wishes that peace finds you and your husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621844, member: 13542"] Welcome finurse. I am sorry you're going through this with your daughter and your mother too. You're sandwiched between them in an unhealthy way. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, you may find it useful and informative. You're in an unusual situation in that you are all fenced in together in a housing situation which sounds pretty dysfunctional and unhealthy and yet you can't financially, at the moment, remove yourselves. I can imagine how difficult, frustrating and exhausting it all is. It doesn't sound as if reasoning and talking works with your parents or your daughter. You can't control the situation and your mother is making it so difficult with the controlling presence she fosters in her home..........I can see how you would feel very stuck and powerless. If at all possible, try to find some support for you, perhaps therapy, if you can afford that. Usually there are professional services available at a sliding scale if you dig around you can likely find some. Or you can look for a parent group in your area where you can talk about the issues and find others who can empathize and offer support. It may be necessary for you to practice detachment from both your parents and your daughter at this point, so that you don't go crazy. You're in a crazy making situation where everyone is acting out in controlling and manipulative ways. I feel for you, this has got to be hard for you. I'm sorry. I don't have any clear cut answers for you, living with your parents and having your mother give your daughter everything against your wishes and supporting all of you at the same time is very unusual. If it were me I would recognize the fact that I can't control any of this, or any of these people and I would begin practicing detachment. I would get myself support to do that. I would begin putting the focus on myself and take it off of your daughter. I would do nurturing and kind things for ME. I would make sure I exercised, got outside, slept well, ate well, and put my self care at the top of my priority list. You might want to pick up Codependent no More by Melodie Beattie. Keep posting it helps us to clarify our issues and get support and compassion. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. You've come to a safe place where we understand. You are not alone. We are here if you need us. Sending warm wishes that peace finds you and your husband. [/QUOTE]
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