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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 668267" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>SeaGenie, I am here too. I think how you are feeling is a part of this journey, there is a lot to wade through to get to a place of peace. You're doing all the right things, and it is a process, there is only one way out and that's through.....</p><p></p><p>As we change behavior where we've responded a certain way for so long, there is a time period of adjustment where the fears all emerge. It is much like addiction, you are in recovery, all your usual ways of reacting are in flux and it is not only uncomfortable, it brings up all of the real powerlessness that we humans have a lot of trouble with. We just don't have the kind of control we believe we do, especially where our kids are concerned, all the love in the world cannot change another person........only they can do that. But letting go of the illusion of control and living in the sheer powerlessness is a mind boggling experience and, from my vantage point, that's where you are. All of those "what if's" are mind created scenarios that usually don't happen, but they can give us many sleepless nights and many days of intense worry. </p><p></p><p>For me, letting go of all of that worry took time. I had to systematically address each fear and realize I could not control any of it. Letting go is hard SeaGenie, however, it is necessary for your well being and in fact, for your sons as well. My choice during that time period was to seek out as much help as I could. I knew I would require a lot of support to change my responses and to let go of all my fears and my sense that this was all my responsibility. </p><p></p><p>My daughter has emotional and mental issues too. However, unless someone is psychotic, which your son is not, our kids must face the consequences of the choices they make. I had to face the devastating truth that because of the way my daughter lives, she may at some point face a negative fate which I will have no power to make right. That powerlessness is, in my opinion, at the crux of all of our parental fears. It is quite the hurdle to get through that. Powerlessness in life is hard to face, but powerlessness in regards to our children, is beyond anything most parents have to face like we do. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. But, SeaGenie, I did do it. I did get to the other side of this forest of fear and I found a real sense of peace. You can do it too. You <u>are </u>doing it. And sometimes, it feels really, really bad. </p><p></p><p>But you are headed to the beach. Also my favorite place to be. While you are there, practice breathing deeply and pushing your mind to engage in the present moment, watching the sunset, swimming in the warm water, not jumping in to the "what if's." Expand the moments where you are successful at pulling that off. Start with 5 minutes.........as those fear thoughts enter in your head, say, "thanks for sharing, but I'm going to let those thoughts go now." And practice that every day. With time, those fear thoughts lose some power and in between those thoughts, little bits of peace show up.........one moment at a time SeaGenie, one moment at a time. Go have some fun. You deserve it. Worrying about your son is not going to help either of you, all it's going to do is ruin the moments of your life. Put it aside, you can pick it all up upon your return if you choose. You deserve a break. Happy birthday. Be very very kind to yourself. Sending you big hugs........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 668267, member: 13542"] SeaGenie, I am here too. I think how you are feeling is a part of this journey, there is a lot to wade through to get to a place of peace. You're doing all the right things, and it is a process, there is only one way out and that's through..... As we change behavior where we've responded a certain way for so long, there is a time period of adjustment where the fears all emerge. It is much like addiction, you are in recovery, all your usual ways of reacting are in flux and it is not only uncomfortable, it brings up all of the real powerlessness that we humans have a lot of trouble with. We just don't have the kind of control we believe we do, especially where our kids are concerned, all the love in the world cannot change another person........only they can do that. But letting go of the illusion of control and living in the sheer powerlessness is a mind boggling experience and, from my vantage point, that's where you are. All of those "what if's" are mind created scenarios that usually don't happen, but they can give us many sleepless nights and many days of intense worry. For me, letting go of all of that worry took time. I had to systematically address each fear and realize I could not control any of it. Letting go is hard SeaGenie, however, it is necessary for your well being and in fact, for your sons as well. My choice during that time period was to seek out as much help as I could. I knew I would require a lot of support to change my responses and to let go of all my fears and my sense that this was all my responsibility. My daughter has emotional and mental issues too. However, unless someone is psychotic, which your son is not, our kids must face the consequences of the choices they make. I had to face the devastating truth that because of the way my daughter lives, she may at some point face a negative fate which I will have no power to make right. That powerlessness is, in my opinion, at the crux of all of our parental fears. It is quite the hurdle to get through that. Powerlessness in life is hard to face, but powerlessness in regards to our children, is beyond anything most parents have to face like we do. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. But, SeaGenie, I did do it. I did get to the other side of this forest of fear and I found a real sense of peace. You can do it too. You [U]are [/U]doing it. And sometimes, it feels really, really bad. But you are headed to the beach. Also my favorite place to be. While you are there, practice breathing deeply and pushing your mind to engage in the present moment, watching the sunset, swimming in the warm water, not jumping in to the "what if's." Expand the moments where you are successful at pulling that off. Start with 5 minutes.........as those fear thoughts enter in your head, say, "thanks for sharing, but I'm going to let those thoughts go now." And practice that every day. With time, those fear thoughts lose some power and in between those thoughts, little bits of peace show up.........one moment at a time SeaGenie, one moment at a time. Go have some fun. You deserve it. Worrying about your son is not going to help either of you, all it's going to do is ruin the moments of your life. Put it aside, you can pick it all up upon your return if you choose. You deserve a break. Happy birthday. Be very very kind to yourself. Sending you big hugs........ [/QUOTE]
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