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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 91796" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm with Star on this - I would be looking for therapy rather than a physical problem. This kid has been through the mill. I will say here, I'm only an amateur psychologist, but sometimes a kid steals so he can have SOMETHING he can have his hands on that he can be sure of. People shoplift for the same sort of reason sometimes; yes, adrenalin comes into it to a varying extent (the thrill of the steal) but there is also the acquisition. The stealing of 'comfort food' - he's getting it BEFORE anyone else because he feels he should get it all and not have to share, plus he feels he needs it more, at some level. I think you're doing the right thing to stop getting it in the house - learn to enjoy fruit instead, or cook a dessert from scratch and serve it immediately. Winter's coming up for you - self-saucing puddings, pineapple with Jamaican rum, brown sugar and cream served hot - lots of warm, freshly-cooked easy options.</p><p>In his head he's on his own against the world. He's storing up provisions and honing his survival skills. He is one disturbed kid. He can't be fixed with all the drugs in the world, although some might help if you can get a handle on what he needs. However, his primary need is a GOOD counsellor/psychologist who can identify the problem and help him find more appropriate ways to manage things. He will not grow out of it, but hadn't we already agreed Bio-Mum is a big part of the problem? Did SHE grow out of it? I think not.</p><p>CBT would be good but further down the track - this kid really needs more.</p><p></p><p>So, find him a thorough diagnostic assessment but also hunt around for a really top psychologist who can help him where he is. </p><p></p><p>And you - get thee to a counsellor thyself. Pronto. You're reeling from pillar to post, having to deal with Someone Else's Problem without the support you should have. He's violating your space in every way and taking from you what he so desperately craves for himself, in the same way an anorexic hoards food until it goes rotten. You have nothing you can be sure of in your life and this is taking a terrible toll on you. You need help. husband would probably benefit, perhaps by also seeing your counsellor, difficult child's, or both.</p><p></p><p>And stick around. Maybe get husband to stick around here too. So many people here have been there.</p><p></p><p>On the locking things up idea - it will depend on how ingenious he is, but you shouldn't have to rely on it. Removing stuff from the house to minimise what you lock up is better, it totally removes it from temptation.</p><p>We locked up stuff away from difficult child 3. He wasn't stealing like your son, he was just getting into stuff he shouldn't, like opening our coin-sorting money box and spreading the contents everywhere; he was a toddler who didn't know better and couldn't be told because he had no language at the time. So we locked things up. But he worked out that it was locked and searched the house for the keys. We finally had to remove the items to keep him safe; as a toddler he would stack chairs and climb to ceiling height if necessary, to get to a key.</p><p></p><p>Find help. Stick around. Get husband here too. Have hope.</p><p></p><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 91796, member: 1991"] I'm with Star on this - I would be looking for therapy rather than a physical problem. This kid has been through the mill. I will say here, I'm only an amateur psychologist, but sometimes a kid steals so he can have SOMETHING he can have his hands on that he can be sure of. People shoplift for the same sort of reason sometimes; yes, adrenalin comes into it to a varying extent (the thrill of the steal) but there is also the acquisition. The stealing of 'comfort food' - he's getting it BEFORE anyone else because he feels he should get it all and not have to share, plus he feels he needs it more, at some level. I think you're doing the right thing to stop getting it in the house - learn to enjoy fruit instead, or cook a dessert from scratch and serve it immediately. Winter's coming up for you - self-saucing puddings, pineapple with Jamaican rum, brown sugar and cream served hot - lots of warm, freshly-cooked easy options. In his head he's on his own against the world. He's storing up provisions and honing his survival skills. He is one disturbed kid. He can't be fixed with all the drugs in the world, although some might help if you can get a handle on what he needs. However, his primary need is a GOOD counsellor/psychologist who can identify the problem and help him find more appropriate ways to manage things. He will not grow out of it, but hadn't we already agreed Bio-Mum is a big part of the problem? Did SHE grow out of it? I think not. CBT would be good but further down the track - this kid really needs more. So, find him a thorough diagnostic assessment but also hunt around for a really top psychologist who can help him where he is. And you - get thee to a counsellor thyself. Pronto. You're reeling from pillar to post, having to deal with Someone Else's Problem without the support you should have. He's violating your space in every way and taking from you what he so desperately craves for himself, in the same way an anorexic hoards food until it goes rotten. You have nothing you can be sure of in your life and this is taking a terrible toll on you. You need help. husband would probably benefit, perhaps by also seeing your counsellor, difficult child's, or both. And stick around. Maybe get husband to stick around here too. So many people here have been there. On the locking things up idea - it will depend on how ingenious he is, but you shouldn't have to rely on it. Removing stuff from the house to minimise what you lock up is better, it totally removes it from temptation. We locked up stuff away from difficult child 3. He wasn't stealing like your son, he was just getting into stuff he shouldn't, like opening our coin-sorting money box and spreading the contents everywhere; he was a toddler who didn't know better and couldn't be told because he had no language at the time. So we locked things up. But he worked out that it was locked and searched the house for the keys. We finally had to remove the items to keep him safe; as a toddler he would stack chairs and climb to ceiling height if necessary, to get to a key. Find help. Stick around. Get husband here too. Have hope. Welcome. Marg [/QUOTE]
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