B
bigbear11
Guest
Well... I have posted only once before but I'm back. We went through a time (about 3 months) when things were fantastic but not so much now. I really need suggestions on how to deal with TRex. I have been "lurking' for about 9 months but I need the help and maybe even more so the support. I feel like such a horrible mother and feel guilty for not liking TRex at all (and that is probably putting it mildly) during her rages. Sometimes I wonder what I have gotten myself into but feel so horrible at that thougt that I almost make myself sick. I love her and know in my head that all this isn't her fault...but my heart is still sick and broken.
I am sitting here tonight with fresh bruises from bites, hits and pinches.. No... haven't called the police. I know some of you may suggest that but just not sure I am ready and not sure it will make much difference. I had been restraining her when things got this out of control but realize that this isn't the right thing to do... it just excalates the violence with is not good for either of us. Talked with psychiatrist today and he said we just need to not engage. I agree but SOOOOO hard. She isn't the easy type.. if she is hitting and you try to hold her hands then she just starts head butting and kicking and then will hit more harder when you let her go. We have tried spanking and that doesn't work... she just wants us to spank her harder when she is raging (actually asks for it). So tonight it started... no discernable trigger. Wasn't ready for bath... OK. When that didn't get the argument then started excallating to the hitting and throwing things. Tried to walk away and block the bites/hits but she followed. Ended up outside with her trying to pull the landscaping out of the ground... she is strong as an ox when raging. Lots of name calling and "I hate you"... hurts alot to have your child talk to you like that. Gave up trying to get her to go to bed... right now 11pm she is asleep on the hardwood floor of the keeping room. And right now... I don't care... bad mom.
Anyway some background, she was adopted from a Russian orphange, we brought her home at 14 mos. Always known that she had ADHD just from the way she acted but was diagnosed at 6. Thought for a long time that the rages were just impulse issues due to the ADHD but it is more but not sure exactly what. She hasn't had a formal neuropsch but has had a day long psychoeducational evaluation done at the University. psychiatrist has it and says that it is very thorough. When we repeat in a yr or so will probably go the neuropsychologist route. Has also had Sp and Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation and goes to therapy weekly. The out of control rages have always been there. However, as she has gotten older they have gotten more intense. Afterwards she is sorry but yeah aren't we all! We currently discipline the behaviour by taking favorite toys away and no TV/Computer for about a day or 2 and really try to reward the good behaviour. But to paraphrase my husband, she doesn't seem to care about alot and it doesn't make much impact. Any suggestions as what works? We have read the "Explosive Child" by Ross Green but need (obviously) to go back and review. It is really hard to define a trigger for her and right now when she is in this "zone" she wants the fight so she doens't want to not rage. She can go on for hours.
I've read enough post here to know that this is minor compared to some of you and similar to others. But I also know that we are not alone in this although it feels like it most of the time. I would love any and all suggestions. It is so hard...
I am sitting here tonight with fresh bruises from bites, hits and pinches.. No... haven't called the police. I know some of you may suggest that but just not sure I am ready and not sure it will make much difference. I had been restraining her when things got this out of control but realize that this isn't the right thing to do... it just excalates the violence with is not good for either of us. Talked with psychiatrist today and he said we just need to not engage. I agree but SOOOOO hard. She isn't the easy type.. if she is hitting and you try to hold her hands then she just starts head butting and kicking and then will hit more harder when you let her go. We have tried spanking and that doesn't work... she just wants us to spank her harder when she is raging (actually asks for it). So tonight it started... no discernable trigger. Wasn't ready for bath... OK. When that didn't get the argument then started excallating to the hitting and throwing things. Tried to walk away and block the bites/hits but she followed. Ended up outside with her trying to pull the landscaping out of the ground... she is strong as an ox when raging. Lots of name calling and "I hate you"... hurts alot to have your child talk to you like that. Gave up trying to get her to go to bed... right now 11pm she is asleep on the hardwood floor of the keeping room. And right now... I don't care... bad mom.
Anyway some background, she was adopted from a Russian orphange, we brought her home at 14 mos. Always known that she had ADHD just from the way she acted but was diagnosed at 6. Thought for a long time that the rages were just impulse issues due to the ADHD but it is more but not sure exactly what. She hasn't had a formal neuropsch but has had a day long psychoeducational evaluation done at the University. psychiatrist has it and says that it is very thorough. When we repeat in a yr or so will probably go the neuropsychologist route. Has also had Sp and Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation and goes to therapy weekly. The out of control rages have always been there. However, as she has gotten older they have gotten more intense. Afterwards she is sorry but yeah aren't we all! We currently discipline the behaviour by taking favorite toys away and no TV/Computer for about a day or 2 and really try to reward the good behaviour. But to paraphrase my husband, she doesn't seem to care about alot and it doesn't make much impact. Any suggestions as what works? We have read the "Explosive Child" by Ross Green but need (obviously) to go back and review. It is really hard to define a trigger for her and right now when she is in this "zone" she wants the fight so she doens't want to not rage. She can go on for hours.
I've read enough post here to know that this is minor compared to some of you and similar to others. But I also know that we are not alone in this although it feels like it most of the time. I would love any and all suggestions. It is so hard...