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Need help to stick to guns...
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 130088" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Sometimes, if we can just put words to the feelings, we learn that we are strong enough to do what needs to be done. I wish I could help you know how to get through this, but I think each of us grieves her child alone. It is a horrible thing to lose a child. I always used to wonder whether mothers whose children did not make it walked as difficult a path to recovery as those of us whose children are alive, but who suffer, losing more and more of themselves every day.</p><p></p><p>I don't know that answer. But I do know that it helps me to hold faith with my son, though that is almost impossibly hard when I am confronted with the reality of his life. The way I see it is that if he is ever to find his way back, he will need someone who remembers for him who he is.</p><p></p><p>That would be me, expecting decency and integrity from the child I raised to behave with decency and integrity. You may be able to take strength from remembering all the good things you taught your girl too, Carolanne.</p><p></p><p>And then, remember that you raised her better than to do what she is doing.</p><p></p><p>And then, remember that, just like you loved her through ten thousand things when she was little, you will love her through this thing too, however long it takes, and however it turns out.</p><p></p><p>When we don't know how to do that anymore, there are other moms on the site who have lived through that part already, and they will help us.</p><p></p><p>Posting will help you now, I think. It helped me so much to come here and learn how to survive what had happened to all of us.</p><p></p><p>I always wished there were an armband or some other external mark that a grieving mother (or father) could wear. We are so raw and vulnerable, and the outside world is often so judgmental.</p><p></p><p>It helped me to remind myself that I WAS grieving, whether there was anyone to understand or not. I was able to function in a more balanced way once I was able to acknowledge my own pain to myself.</p><p></p><p>You will make it through the other side too, Carolanne.</p><p></p><p>It takes a really long time, though.</p><p></p><p>But we are here, all of us, having made it through and trying now to help the others of us who are just beginning the journey.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 130088, member: 1721"] Sometimes, if we can just put words to the feelings, we learn that we are strong enough to do what needs to be done. I wish I could help you know how to get through this, but I think each of us grieves her child alone. It is a horrible thing to lose a child. I always used to wonder whether mothers whose children did not make it walked as difficult a path to recovery as those of us whose children are alive, but who suffer, losing more and more of themselves every day. I don't know that answer. But I do know that it helps me to hold faith with my son, though that is almost impossibly hard when I am confronted with the reality of his life. The way I see it is that if he is ever to find his way back, he will need someone who remembers for him who he is. That would be me, expecting decency and integrity from the child I raised to behave with decency and integrity. You may be able to take strength from remembering all the good things you taught your girl too, Carolanne. And then, remember that you raised her better than to do what she is doing. And then, remember that, just like you loved her through ten thousand things when she was little, you will love her through this thing too, however long it takes, and however it turns out. When we don't know how to do that anymore, there are other moms on the site who have lived through that part already, and they will help us. Posting will help you now, I think. It helped me so much to come here and learn how to survive what had happened to all of us. I always wished there were an armband or some other external mark that a grieving mother (or father) could wear. We are so raw and vulnerable, and the outside world is often so judgmental. It helped me to remind myself that I WAS grieving, whether there was anyone to understand or not. I was able to function in a more balanced way once I was able to acknowledge my own pain to myself. You will make it through the other side too, Carolanne. It takes a really long time, though. But we are here, all of us, having made it through and trying now to help the others of us who are just beginning the journey. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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