need help with my son ......I think he has ODD

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Need some help ..., Aug 30, 2007.

  1. Need some help ...

    Need some help ... New Member

    Hi i am new here ..just foound this site the other day in my desperate hour! My son is 6 years old and I am going crazy !!
    I realy need some help here and will appreciate all the feed back i can get. Since he was a baby i always knew there was something not just right he was always very active never felt pain even as baby ...well now he is 6 and just way worse every day is a challenge... he just tries to drive the whole family crazy fighting lying stealing and everyday is a fight as soon as we get up. It starts with the bedroom door opening and then it is i want breakfast then u go to get him breakfast and he doesnt want it or he wants something else. I am at my witts end here eveyday is geting worse he wont look you in the eyes but the other day he lied to me and he lokked my right in the eyes and told me a lie and i told him i knew he was lying and he still continued ...i started crying and he had a hudge fit and then he said will u already know the truth so who cares. I ttell him the same thing over and ober agin put your underware on ,eat with your mouth close dont run walk ....man the list goes on and on !!!
    Now at school is is very smart math is a wonderful at reading is coming along but at home is very unpleasant ...

    Will i could sit here and write all night but i just get so confused what should i do I cant wait to go see this new doctor and hopefully get some help !!!!! i am feeling antisapating the visit to the doctor i just need some answers i cant do this alone !!!

    thank youi fpr listening

    Jasmine (mother in need)
     
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Jasmine!

    Your 6 yo sounds like a handful. I do not think he is trying to drive the family crazy. I think it is beyond his control. Does he ever feel bad that he gets in trouble all the time?

    Have you had him evaluated by any docs?
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. A few questions.
    1/How was his early development, including speech and potty.
    2/Has he ever been evaluated by a Child psychiatrist (with the MD) or a neuropsychologist
    3/Are any psychiatric disorders or substance abuse on the family tree on either side?
    4/Any neurological problems (Aspergers/autism of any sort)
    5/How does he socialize?
    6/Has he always been this way?
    7/How does he do in school? Any IEP?
    8/Does he like to cuddle? Make eye contact when he speaks?
    I don't believe he is trying to make your life awful either. I also believe he can't help it and desperately needs an evaluation by a top notch professional (not just a talk therapist).
    ODD almost never stands alone. Almost all our kids are ODD, but it's ODD plus something else that is the core issue, causing the ODD.
    It would help if you did a signature, like I did.
    Welcome aboard!
     
  4. Justice

    Justice New Member

    I can relate in every way. Get your son all the help you can find. Do whatever it takes to get many breaks for yourself. My son was diagnosed at 5 and is now 9. Find a support system for him and you (psychiatrist, therapist, school counsler, teachers and don't ever feel guilty. No on in your shoes could do a better job than your doing right now.
     
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    What specifically was the lie? What it was, and his point of view as well as yours, is more important than "he told me a lie" which is very subjective. Was it a lie of omission? Or was it a blank denial? The answers are important.

    difficult child 3 is able to lie, as long as it is by omission, or denial. He is less capable of inventing a complex lie and has learnt that he generally will get caught. This is connected to his autism.

    I found similar things with difficult child 1 - if a teacher said, "Did you do your homework?" difficult child 1 would say, "Yes, but I left it at home." It is about as complex as he could get. Or he would steal money from me and use it to buy gaming stuff, then tell me he'd bought it second-hand from a friend, or a friend had given it to him. When I offered to call up the friend and ask him, the lie fell apart, difficult child 1 couldn't think fast enough on his feet to invent anything further.

    Kids lie to get out of trouble. They all do it.

    A kid who is impulsive is likely to get into trouble a lot more often. Hence - the need to lie a lot more often. But the kind of lie can connect to the kind of disability that is causing the impulse control problem.

    I do not think ODD is a single disability in its own right, as a rule. I think in the vast majority of cases, ODD (or whatever seems almost identical to ODD) is what we see in a child who is having trouble doing the right thing due to a combination of some underlying disorder, and our attempts to rule that child with firm, strict discipline. Sounds stupid, but often being firm and strict makes the problem 1000 times worse. Consistency is important, but even more important is to get into the child's head and work out what is going on in there - being really rigid and strict could be pushing him harder than he can cope with, until he feels it's not even worth trying to be good because he's bad at heart and will always fail. If your child feels that way about himself it is tragic and will also undermine a lot of attempts to help him.

    Grab a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is also some discussion of this book in Early Childhood on this site, see if any of it rings a bell. It seems counter-intuitive, but if you go into it, it is not. You adapt it to your own child and your own situation.

    Also sounds like he needs a thorough evaluation. Others will be along with a better understanding of what is best in your area.

    Welcome! Sorry you need us, but we are all here for each other on this site.

    Marg
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hello Jasmine and Welcome to the Board. :biggrin:

    Take some deep soothing breaths. You've landed in the perfect place. Bare with our questions, they help us offer better advice. Looking forward to getting to know you.

    (((hugs)))
     
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