Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
need help with my son ......I think he has ODD
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 71150" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>What specifically was the lie? What it was, and his point of view as well as yours, is more important than "he told me a lie" which is very subjective. Was it a lie of omission? Or was it a blank denial? The answers are important.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is able to lie, as long as it is by omission, or denial. He is less capable of inventing a complex lie and has learnt that he generally will get caught. This is connected to his autism.</p><p></p><p>I found similar things with difficult child 1 - if a teacher said, "Did you do your homework?" difficult child 1 would say, "Yes, but I left it at home." It is about as complex as he could get. Or he would steal money from me and use it to buy gaming stuff, then tell me he'd bought it second-hand from a friend, or a friend had given it to him. When I offered to call up the friend and ask him, the lie fell apart, difficult child 1 couldn't think fast enough on his feet to invent anything further.</p><p></p><p>Kids lie to get out of trouble. They all do it.</p><p></p><p>A kid who is impulsive is likely to get into trouble a lot more often. Hence - the need to lie a lot more often. But the kind of lie can connect to the kind of disability that is causing the impulse control problem.</p><p></p><p>I do not think ODD is a single disability in its own right, as a rule. I think in the vast majority of cases, ODD (or whatever seems almost identical to ODD) is what we see in a child who is having trouble doing the right thing due to a combination of some underlying disorder, and our attempts to rule that child with firm, strict discipline. Sounds stupid, but often being firm and strict makes the problem 1000 times worse. Consistency is important, but even more important is to get into the child's head and work out what is going on in there - being really rigid and strict could be pushing him harder than he can cope with, until he feels it's not even worth trying to be good because he's bad at heart and will always fail. If your child feels that way about himself it is tragic and will also undermine a lot of attempts to help him.</p><p></p><p>Grab a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is also some discussion of this book in Early Childhood on this site, see if any of it rings a bell. It seems counter-intuitive, but if you go into it, it is not. You adapt it to your own child and your own situation.</p><p></p><p>Also sounds like he needs a thorough evaluation. Others will be along with a better understanding of what is best in your area.</p><p></p><p>Welcome! Sorry you need us, but we are all here for each other on this site.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 71150, member: 1991"] What specifically was the lie? What it was, and his point of view as well as yours, is more important than "he told me a lie" which is very subjective. Was it a lie of omission? Or was it a blank denial? The answers are important. difficult child 3 is able to lie, as long as it is by omission, or denial. He is less capable of inventing a complex lie and has learnt that he generally will get caught. This is connected to his autism. I found similar things with difficult child 1 - if a teacher said, "Did you do your homework?" difficult child 1 would say, "Yes, but I left it at home." It is about as complex as he could get. Or he would steal money from me and use it to buy gaming stuff, then tell me he'd bought it second-hand from a friend, or a friend had given it to him. When I offered to call up the friend and ask him, the lie fell apart, difficult child 1 couldn't think fast enough on his feet to invent anything further. Kids lie to get out of trouble. They all do it. A kid who is impulsive is likely to get into trouble a lot more often. Hence - the need to lie a lot more often. But the kind of lie can connect to the kind of disability that is causing the impulse control problem. I do not think ODD is a single disability in its own right, as a rule. I think in the vast majority of cases, ODD (or whatever seems almost identical to ODD) is what we see in a child who is having trouble doing the right thing due to a combination of some underlying disorder, and our attempts to rule that child with firm, strict discipline. Sounds stupid, but often being firm and strict makes the problem 1000 times worse. Consistency is important, but even more important is to get into the child's head and work out what is going on in there - being really rigid and strict could be pushing him harder than he can cope with, until he feels it's not even worth trying to be good because he's bad at heart and will always fail. If your child feels that way about himself it is tragic and will also undermine a lot of attempts to help him. Grab a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is also some discussion of this book in Early Childhood on this site, see if any of it rings a bell. It seems counter-intuitive, but if you go into it, it is not. You adapt it to your own child and your own situation. Also sounds like he needs a thorough evaluation. Others will be along with a better understanding of what is best in your area. Welcome! Sorry you need us, but we are all here for each other on this site. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
need help with my son ......I think he has ODD
Top