Need help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by seajan, Jun 17, 2009.

  1. seajan

    seajan New Member

    I have a 5 year old son that yells at me, hits me and my other kids. He is currently in counseling but it doesn't seem to help. I can't take him to any stores because he doesn't listen and can't behave himself. He punches his sister in the face and the teenagers can't stand to be around him. Every day I feel more and more depressed and don't know what to do.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here. STill, people here will understand your situation.

    Has this child ever been evaluated? Personally, I'd trade the counselor for a neuropsychologist evaluation--they do very intensive and enlightening testing. Counselors really don't know how, and basically tell us to do different parenting ideas that don't work with differently-wired children.

    How was his early development?

    Obviously, something is wrong and I doubt it's your parenting so don't beat yourself up. Almost every disorder can be helped with early intervention. Did he talk and walk on time? Can he relate well to his same age peers? Any obessions or strange quirks? Any psychiatric problems on either side of his family tree?
  3. seajan

    seajan New Member

    He actually is my step-son. His mom left him when he was 2. He calls me mom and I take him to all his appointments,registered him for school and I quit my job to stay at home to try and help him. She has a history of mental disorders on her side. He has also been seeing a psychologist and they just now referred him to a psychiatrist. It is like turning a light switch on and off. They have done some testing and have ruled out ADHD and ADD. The tests came back at 90% above normal child behavior.
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Welcome Seajan. Please let us know more about your child. We have all been there.
  5. seajan

    seajan New Member

    Thank you very much. My husband knows there a problem but just tells me I need to have a firm hand with our son. He gets to go to work and I am here all day with him. I love that little boy with all my heart but days like today I have no idea what to do. Today we had 5 time outs and he laughs and looks right through me. I have been punched several times today and keep asking myself how can a five year old do this. That is why he had to go to time out. He locked me out of the house. IMy fourteen year old son wants to go stay with his dad. Any suggestions???
  6. karif

    karif crazymomof4

    Believe me we have all been there. It sounds like there is a problem. I would take him to a pediatric neurologist and get him evaluated. If your not getting answers with one doctor go see another one. Keep going until you get the answer. Hugs lots and lots of hugs my friend.:D
  7. seajan

    seajan New Member

    Thank you very much. I know that I am new but I don't feel so alone anymore. My husband loves me but I feel so trapped in the middle. When he got home tonight our son was in so much trouble. I have a hard time with that. Thank you everyone for your support.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would see a neuropsychologist. Something is "off" here and NeuroPsychs are great diagnosticians. His birthmother's genes are 50% of this child--she is still around, even if she isn't there, if you get my drift. She may have sent him some genes for mental illness...
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome! I am sorry things are so rough right now. To be honest, the situation sounds like a powder keg waiting to go off.

    It is NO ONE's fault. Physical violence simply CANNOT be tolerated, no matter the age of the violent person.

    You have taken some very good steps, and it is wonderful that the boys have you in their lives. It is very clear in your post how much you love them.

    I think that rather than wait for appointments, etc... I would take my violent child to a Children's Hospital for an inpatient evaluation. He sounds like he is way past the point of parenting changes fixing things.

    It is hard to think about our little ones in a psychiatric hospital (psychiatric hospital). The kids seem to handle it very well. Some of htem are even comforted by the rigid schedules and rules. It is impossible to provide that level of care in the home.

    It would be a good idea to think about this, make calls to your insurance company, etc... to see what is available, and think about it with husband. It may be what difficult child needs to get through his problems.

    Gentle hugs for your mommy heart!
  10. overmyhead

    overmyhead New Member

    I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know, I feel the same way. I signed on to the internet this morning, crying, because I too feel over my head with my five year old. He just beat up his 7 year old brother, threw a computer on the floor and I don't know what he did in his room, but there is a puddle of water on the floor. Like you, I love him with all my heart and wish I could help him. I came across ODD and it seems to fit him to a tee. I have read that it is associated with harsh punishments, but my husband and I are big believers in non-violence. We have an appointment with a counselor in a couple of weeks and we are attempting to do the gluten free and casein free diet along with supplements.
  11. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    Welcome! You are definitly not alone. I have been there with my 5yo and used to cry and cry over my son's behavior. No amount of time-outs will help and many times Little Bear also laugh when I was trying to dicipline him. When I started getting into the mindset that he didn't want to behave this way and that he couldn't help it... it really made all the difference. I started asking myself how I would respond if my child were physically handicapped and couldn't do something. Having a child with a mental disorder is no different and when you think of it that way I think it puts a new perspective on everything.

    I started reading as many books as I could including The Explosive Child, The Bi-Polar Child, online reference, forums etc. Those were wonderful ways to start gathering information to help Little Bear.

    I would start with an evaluation so that you know what you are dealing with. Little Bear did end up going on medications and after 6mo of trying many different kinds I think we are finally on the right track. It takes time and lots of patience... which I have really had to dig deep to find at times;)

    {{BIG HUGS}}