Need Ideas for our 3 year old...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Dara, Oct 22, 2007.

  1. Dara

    Dara New Member

    PART 1: As most of you know, in August we got Sammy his elmo bed. We have done as everyone suggested including the doctors, and not pressured him or anything into it. we let him lay in it whenever he wants or sit on it or whatever. The problem is that there is no progress with going into the bed. He wants nothing to do with it. Every once in a while he will sit on it and bounce around but he does not under any circumstance want to sleep in this bed. WHAT DO WE DO???

    PART 2: Toilet training. Again, we are not pressuring him in any way with this one. He started going on the potty at school which was amazing now he wont even sit on the potty at school. We have gone backwards. My fear is that he will be almost 5 and still in diapers. I guess the overall theme here is that Sammy cannot handle change in any way. The Mayo clinic finally got all of our records so we will go there whenever we get an appointment. Our pediatrician is very happy we are going there because he has no idea what to do with Sammy as does anyone else here. He should be able to play the game Candy land but I dont think he will. He doesnt really play with anything. He plays with his trains but attatches them all and drives them around the table in a big circle for hours. He doesnt build the track or anything. At gymnastics he goes to the opposite side of the room than the rest of the class. He prefers to be apart from them although with kids one on one he will play just not in a group. He goes to school and will only play with one child. (Not saying this is bad but it is a point.) We are in a playgroup (mostly for me to make friends) and they are very understanding and kind to how Sammy is. Whenever we go, I am pretty much in isolation because Sammy wont go near anyone else or he is screaming and tantruming so we leave...
    I really feel lost and am not sure what to do anymore. Our neurologist didnt give us any helpful hints on what to do about any of this he just kind of made jokes so that doesnt really help us out at all! ANy advice on what we should do? Any good toys to get him focused on an activity....HELP!
  2. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    My Peanut was sleeping in my bed with me until last week. I simply got tired of being squashed in a twin bed with a 9 yr old. I could put him in his bed, but he would get up and crawl into mine.. I moved his bed right next to mine..he can reach up and touch my hand if he needs to. I am going to move his bed closer to the door each day so that he should end up in his room soon.

    I don't know if you are able to do that, but it is working forme..9 years and I am all by myself in my bed :smile:

    I honestly thought I wouldn't get him out of my bed. Somebody suggested it was his anxiety, but I am not sure. Have you tried laying with him until he falls asleep?

    I am sorry I don't have advice on the pottying. I hope someone else here does.
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Before you read any further, please keep in mind that I only have one child and we adopted him when he was 10. So I don't really have actual experience with toddlers other than the ones that belong to other people. So, with that said, take my response with a grain of salt.

    Re. Part 1: I'm assuming he's either sleeping in your bed or in a crib. Have you tried moving him to the Elmo bed once he's asleep? Maybe after a few days of waking up in his new bed, he'll want to try going to sleep in it.

    As for the rest, have you tried posting on the Early Childhood page? That is for those of us that have younguns under 5 and they might have some more ideas for you.
  4. Dara

    Dara New Member

    Sammy sleeps in his crib. He is such a light sleeper that we have to tiptoe past his room at night. I think he has supersonic hearing! He would wake up if we open his door so I dont think we could get away with that. I posted it here because most everyone on the Easy Child page comes to this page too and a lot of people here have had past experience so I figure the more people the better! Sammy is fine in his crib. In fact, he would stay there all day if we let him.
  5. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I'm new here, so I'm not sure what you have posted in the past & what suggestions you've gotten.

    part 1: I can't suggest ANYTHING difficult child has NEVER slept in her room on her own. We have tried everything from sitting next to the crib when an infant to sitting outside the door as she got older......there was NO keeping her in there. We still have holes in the door & walls to prove it :thumbsdown:

    part 2: Toilet training....if anyone is giving pressure at all (anyone?), that could be too much. My son caught on really quick with a kid potty in the back yard, a long shirt on & no undies (this was 10 years ago though). difficult child was a different story.....lots of laundry & her finally catching on from kids I babysit for.

    My difficult child is almost 7 & has no idea how to play Candyland. She will not take kindly to a crowd & will do the same thing....shy away or major meltdown if I try to get her involved....time to leave!difficult child has never stayed focused on anything, including TV (I've prayed for that so I can at least go potty). No toys really interest her, still to this day.

    I'm sorry you feel lost & I'm sorry I can't offer suggestions....have you had any evaluations at all???
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Dara, it's great that you're getting Sammy into Mayo. I hope you are able to refine Sammy's dxes so you can put the proper interventions into place to help him.

    Sammy is only 3 years old. That age is completely arbitrary for both toilet training and sleeping in a bed. Who is saying he needs to do those things at this age? Even some easy child children don't make the transition to a bed or use the potty at age 3. In your shoes, I would not stress about either issue, particularly because you really don't know the depth of Sammy's issues. Once you know what you're really dealing with, you can then make decisions about what to focus on with Sammy.

    Hang in there.
  7. With my daughter, we'd put her in her bed and then lie down on the floor next to it so we were in the room with her for a while. For a while, she preferred to have a "nest" on the floor in her room rather than sleep in the bed. Worked for me. She eventually decided to sleep in the bed and nap in the "nest". difficult child was a deep sleeper, so we'd just haul him off to his own bed when he'd pass out. Neither was thrilled about being sent to bed, but we never insisted they had to stay in it. [You want to sleep on the floor? Feel free.] They eventually decided beds were better.

    I wouldn't stress about the potty training. He's a boy. He'll do it when he's ready. You have enough to worry about.
    I thought mine would graduate college in Pull Ups but he finally got it together. He was about 5. Still has the occasional incident at night, which we try to take in stride even though it is really annoying since he is almost 7.

    Not sure I understand the game/toy issue. They play with what they want, how they want. My difficult child is quite bright but there is no way on earth he would have played Candyland at 3. 5, maybe. If your cub is making circles with trains for an hour, he's focusing just fine. He's learning something, we just don't know what. Mine wouldn't build track until he was -- again -- 5. I gave up on expecting him to play with the same things other cubs his age did and in the same way, so I don't know that I'd stress about how he's playing with the trains. Then again, at that age, mine was regularly throwing his trains up against the wall in a rage, so the idea of just running them around in a circle sounds pretty good to me. :wink: Good luck to you!
  8. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Ooops...Dara, it took me forever to reply the 1st time (and the 2nd now). After reading your reply above me....

    my difficult child will drop where she drops at night, could be the kitchen floor. We take her to her bed every night. She gets up every night (normally between 1-3)....checks out the house & sneaks through the kitchen (eats if she can)....and plops on my bedroom floor. EVERY NIGHT! Seeing that Sammy sleeps in his crib & "likes" it....maybe "let him stay there for now"!?!? Just an idea. He's happy. As far as the tip toe past his room....."white noise" is a MUST in our house (fans, music,tv.....whatever it takes). Just an idea.
  9. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Lining up toys without actually "playing" with them is a red flag for Autistic Spectrum Disorder. So is not having an interest in socialization.
  10. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....


    I know you are frustrated about the crib and the toilet, however, to me they do not yet need be priority issues. When Sammy is ready I'm sure he will be able to transition. I believe that toilet training for boys without issues is about 3 -3 1/2 years so it's still ok. You said transitions are hard for him--he's comfortable in his bed--he wants what he is used to--perhaps his crib is calm and consistent--you said he would stay there for hours--it must be soothing to him--

    What are other issues you could focus on? Perhaps pick something that is really affecting his day to day functioning and/or something he is close to mastering already--hopefully he can see success from a newly mastered skill and feel the rewards. I think I recall you saying that he refuses to walk and that he needs to be carried every where--maybe this is something to focus on (I'm not trying to add more stress here !)

    So glad you're off to Mayo Clinic--good luck--sending hugs
  11. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Dara, I think the best thing for Sammy might be to just hang tight on these issues until you are through that evaluation at Mayo. I'm sure it's frustrating but he is going to be seen by some of the finest specialists in the world. Hopefully you will come away with some answers and some recommendations from them.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    How about one of those ambient noise machines for his room? You can't keep tiptoeing around the house forever. As far as moving himself from his crib to his bed, He'll break the crib eventually because he's too big. Or he just won't fit. When that happens, you just have to tell him that crib time is over. M had his pacifier until he was well over 3. I finally bought him the last pair and told him that was it. He had an old junkie fuzzy one around the house too. He promptly threw one inside a hole in the wall. Too bad, better make the other two last because I'm not buying any more. The second one went missing a few weeks later. He was down to one. I reiterated that he really needed to be careful with the last one. It also went down the hole in the wall. There was a fuss for about a day.

    When he uses the diaper, are you jumping right in to change it? If he's not asking, I'd wait until he asks. If he's asking, I'd wait until the second time. M was closer to 2.5 or 3 when he started using the potty. I just plain told him that he was too old and I didn't have to change him on demand any longer. If he didn't like wet/dirty diapers, he should use the potty. Now, I know that this one in particular could have backfired pretty badly on me. He could have taken his diapers and hid them in the closet or wiped the dirty ones on the wall. But he didn't. (Thank Goodness!) I think he knew it only would have made me angry - it wouldn't have made me give in.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I know how frustrating it can be when thye show no interest in potty training. But it needs to be on a back burner so that the Mayo Clinic can see everything.

    Will you have to travel to see someone at Mayo? Not sure how it works. Maybe it would help to focus on skill to help that? Not sure if there are any, though maybe meditation for mama?

    As far as the crib, Jess was 6 before she slept in her bed unless one of us was in there. She is easy child. Very easy child. Even now she will sleep in the recliner or my room given 1/10th of a chance. She is 12!!!! I personally rarely care as long as she isn't with me. She is like sleeping with a mixer. A really big one - bigger than me!!

    I am so sorry it is hard for you to make friends. It may stay this way, I know I had a lot of it. It isn't fun, is it?

    I wish I had some more help.


  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Hun, don't borrow trouble. It will happen, when he is ready.

    So happy for you that you are going to Mayo. PLEASE let us know what transpires.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would put both on the back burner for now too. I saw this really cute little Elmo potty training doll at Toys r Us about 6 months ago though. Elmo sat on the potty and sang a song. I dont know if they still have him because I didnt see him on the website but you could check the store or check ebay. Maybe someone has one they are done with and are selling.

    If he is as crazy about Elmo as our Keyana is that might give him a clue about using the Also there is an anatomically correct doll at Toys r Us that uses the potty. I posted about it a week or so...maybe two weeks.
  16. Dara

    Dara New Member

    Thank you guys! I am not worried about the here and now of potty training, its more like looking into the future. I dont press it with him and dont talk about it unless he does. If he goes at school we make a deal about it and he is very proud. Other than that it is me asking for the future of advice.
    The bed is the same thing. My concern with the bed is that he will not go in the bed until the crib brakes. The strange thing is Sammy sleeps horizontaly in the crib! It doesnt look to comfy but apparantly it is to him! I am not stressed about these 2 issues because like you all said, we have enough to worry about but I am asking you guys because none of the medical proffesionals have given us any suggestions when we ask. The diaper thing wouldnt be such an issue if he cooperated in getting a new diaper. Sammy wears pullups for speech and there have been days where he is soaking wet and it doesnt bother him in the least. That concerns me. Sammy is a clean maniac. If a drop of water gets on his shirt or pants we need new ones.
    The toy thing: he doesnt line toys up or anything like that. He barely plays with his toys. We were going to get rid of the train table to try something else and saturday he started with his facination of trains again. Its not really what he plays with that concerns me or that he doesnt do candyland, it is that even on a playground he will go in a pattern, it only takes one time, and that is it. We cannot do anything else even though he might enjoy the something else, it is not in the pattern. Something to discuss with the Mayo when we get in....What is frustrating is that we have brought this up with all of our teams of specialists and nobody addresses any of it.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    It is heartbreaking when we realize how much different our childrn are when compared to other children. While we adults may get bored with hte routines, esp the very rigid ones, the kids don't. Even regular kids learn and ifnd comfort in repetition. And for our kids? I still remember that 2nd day of preschool when they told us difficult child was very smart but very resistant to having anything to do with the other kids. I thought, 2nd day give him time. It took almost a year for him to make a friend.

    I know how much it hurts. I am so very sorry.

  18. Mrs Smith

    Mrs Smith New Member

    Sammy sounds so much like my son when he was that age. Mine did the trains around the track for hours too. Later it was hotwheels around the kitchen counter. He was content to play by himself but would happily let others join in his games. He didn't seek out other kids though. Most 3 year olds do. And always the routine, always the same thing, the same way, in the same order.

    To get him to sleep in his own bed took bribery. We let him pick out prizes to earn each night he stayed in his own bed all night. Before he went to sleep, he got to choose the one he wanted. At first, he would come in our room several times during the night and I would remind him of the prize and he would go right back to his room. Amazingly, it only took about 3 or 4 nights for him to get it. Once the prizes were gone, we never needed to get more. He was around 5 years old though at the time. I would have let him stay in his crib longer but he started climbing out around 3. He slept with us for a few years before we did the prizes.

    Re: toilet training - I wish I could say it was easy once he was ready. It wasn't. It was slow progress with alot of regression. It would seem like he got it, then he would have periods of regression. He had a few accidents at school in 6th grade. A couple weeks ago at his birthday party, he wet his pants for the first time in a long time. He's too busy, or he's anxious about public toilets or he can't feel the need to go until too late, or.... I hope you have better luck than we did.
  19. w0rriedm0m

    w0rriedm0m New Member

    hi,Sammy's mom
    I am new here. I dont really have any suggestions.
    I have a 3 yo and we are potty training, but he doesnt care if he is messy or wet.
    Some say he may not have a feeling of bad or good about it.
    My son really seems to hate the changing part, doesnt lay still.
    I hope you get great answers!