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Need input on excessive rudeness from 17/yo
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 91403" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>I think you are right Marg - I definitely buy right into his "debate". Part of it is my personality.......I am always up for defending people, or righteously arguing a point.........and so he plays right into that. He throws down his trump card, and just watches me spin. My problem is that I do not ignore it - at all - but rather I wind up getting SO mad. Like somehow I am the one that is the homeless black man's public defender - and my son is victimizing him. It is very intense for me. Somehow this has become all part of his pushing my buttons. When he was little it was more overt things, now, it is these coniving passive aggressive things.</p><p></p><p>I have to make it clear like you guys said, that I will in no way be part of this. BUT I need to do it with an air of distance. Almost ignoring, but not quite. I certainly would never, ever allow anyone else to treat me this way, and it sickens me that I have allowed him to do this. I feel like a melted marshmellow sometimes, just wanting the madness to end somehow, someway, but feeling too smooshed to do anything about it. (what an analogy, I know.)</p><p></p><p>And you are right Marg, to be around his constant negativity all of the time, is like having a jack hammer in my ear, 24/7. It really, really brings me down. I already struggle with depression, but when I am away from him I am better. But if I have to spend a whole day with him, I usually want to crawl in a hole.</p><p></p><p>Last night he wanted me to take him somewhere, and I did lay down the law about how he was to treat me and others when near me. I think he got the message, at least for last night he did - but it has been hard lately reaching him. He seems so far away, in his own little warped world, just intent on fighting. I feel like I am losing him to a dark underworld. Perhaps though, if he has to walk home from his destination, if he is rude, he would wake up and get the real picture. Maybe I just have not shaken his world enough, probably.</p><p></p><p>Sad, yes, that is how I feel. Very very sad. What happened to the little boy I used to read eco-conservancy books to - who saved the geckos from the kitten's mouth - whose best friend was Hispanic - who volunteered in homeless shelters..........I know those were my values, that I was simply trying to instill in him, and when he was little he followed. But now, he will have to find his own values, his own causes, his own activism. It just seems with these kids - that they do not really dig deep to find their own selves. Sometimes it seems they are just too busy projecting their sickness onto others. Maybe they dig deep when they no longer have an audience?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 91403, member: 3301"] I think you are right Marg - I definitely buy right into his "debate". Part of it is my personality.......I am always up for defending people, or righteously arguing a point.........and so he plays right into that. He throws down his trump card, and just watches me spin. My problem is that I do not ignore it - at all - but rather I wind up getting SO mad. Like somehow I am the one that is the homeless black man's public defender - and my son is victimizing him. It is very intense for me. Somehow this has become all part of his pushing my buttons. When he was little it was more overt things, now, it is these coniving passive aggressive things. I have to make it clear like you guys said, that I will in no way be part of this. BUT I need to do it with an air of distance. Almost ignoring, but not quite. I certainly would never, ever allow anyone else to treat me this way, and it sickens me that I have allowed him to do this. I feel like a melted marshmellow sometimes, just wanting the madness to end somehow, someway, but feeling too smooshed to do anything about it. (what an analogy, I know.) And you are right Marg, to be around his constant negativity all of the time, is like having a jack hammer in my ear, 24/7. It really, really brings me down. I already struggle with depression, but when I am away from him I am better. But if I have to spend a whole day with him, I usually want to crawl in a hole. Last night he wanted me to take him somewhere, and I did lay down the law about how he was to treat me and others when near me. I think he got the message, at least for last night he did - but it has been hard lately reaching him. He seems so far away, in his own little warped world, just intent on fighting. I feel like I am losing him to a dark underworld. Perhaps though, if he has to walk home from his destination, if he is rude, he would wake up and get the real picture. Maybe I just have not shaken his world enough, probably. Sad, yes, that is how I feel. Very very sad. What happened to the little boy I used to read eco-conservancy books to - who saved the geckos from the kitten's mouth - whose best friend was Hispanic - who volunteered in homeless shelters..........I know those were my values, that I was simply trying to instill in him, and when he was little he followed. But now, he will have to find his own values, his own causes, his own activism. It just seems with these kids - that they do not really dig deep to find their own selves. Sometimes it seems they are just too busy projecting their sickness onto others. Maybe they dig deep when they no longer have an audience? [/QUOTE]
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