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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 287818" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so sorry that it was such a traumatic time. in my opinion it was WAY too soon for such a long visit. It probably set him back so far he is at the beginning of where he was when he first when into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or even farther behind. It was irresponsible of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to send him home so soon for so long. Esp over a holiday where kids build up expectations that are often so far beyond what reality can give. That disappointment, combined with an inability to self-soothe or even to entertain himself, is a real recipe for the kind of disaster you have.</p><p></p><p>Refuse home visits for a while. He needs time to recover, and YOU do too. You also need to learn HOW to act on a home visit. You will NEVER get him to the level where he can safely return home if you continue to do movies and eating out and other fun stuff. Schedule ONE activity the first day he is home. Period. After that (movie, a meal out, trip to a store, whatever) you should spend time at home as a family. Do whatever you NORMALLY would do.</p><p></p><p>If he reverts to previous behavior, you know he isn't ready. Be SURE to tell staff how it went HONESTLY. Don't sugar coat anything (LOTS of parents do this), mention EVERY problem! If you don't, then they can't work with him to find a solution.</p><p></p><p>If you fill the trip home with fun things, he will EXPECT this every time he is home. He won't bother to learn to entertain himself because he doesn't feel it is necessary.</p><p></p><p>Don't drive him back again. Arrange transport, even if you have to have an ambulance come to the house. It just is NOT SAFE. You and your easy child could have been killed while difficult child was acting out in the car. And he may have thought he was home for good, so the trip back (even if he was told it was only a vacation) may have surprised him and made him feel you don't love him. Nothing is farther than the truth, I am sure. But htis is how HE may have perceived things, NOT as they truly are.</p><p></p><p>It may take YEARS in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) before he can come home successfully for any length of time. It was just too soon for his new behaviors to become firmly established enough. He is probably as upset as you are, because he probably figured he was home for good. </p><p></p><p>You expected him to behave as well as he did when he visited. It was just too much for him. </p><p></p><p>Did you do ANY of the sensory therapy, the brushing and joint compression? If not, have the staff teach you how and send his therapy brush home when he comes home. This brushing therapy has an amazing ability to calm an upset, frantic or even raging child. At least it did for my difficult child AND my pcs. It would be a great tool to have to help you both survive a visit. If the staff is NOT doing brushing therapy with joint compressions, ask them why not? DEMAND that they provide this therapy. </p><p></p><p>Why? Brushing therapy REWIRES THE BRAIN. It is one of the ONLY things that has been SHOWN to rewire how the brain works. It teaches the brain how to appropriately use sensory input. This makes the child FAR less overwhelmed by any sensory input. Chances are that home held new sensory things (new from what he had at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) and it was more than he could handle. Especially if he didn't have an activity to distract him. </p><p></p><p>ALSO go and buy a copy of "The Out Of Sync Child Has Fun". It is FILLED with loads of activities to help kids with sensory issues. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) should have an Occupational Therapist (OT) on staff who has evaluated difficult child and can tell you what his sensory issues are. Take that knowledge and use the book to devise various sensory activities you can do at home. Most of them are low cost or have budget friendly adaptations. Even on our 1 income budget we managed to do a huge number of the activities.</p><p></p><p>Then use these activities, and the brushing therapy, regularly throughout the day. having difficult child go from a tightly structured day at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to a totally unstructured day is a recipe for disaster. He isn't used to needing to entertain himself. Therefore, any structure you can provide will at least help him maintain. maybe write out a schedule and post it near a clock (writing it big on posterboard can be helpful). Then when he is getting bored he can check to see when the next "thing" is. Even put mealtimes, bedtime, bathtime, tv time on there. It will be a big help. Remember, every moment is sceduled at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). So at home, with NO schedule, it is very overwhelming.</p><p></p><p>He may be incredibly manipulative. Or seem that way. Some of it may be do to needing things that are not provided. It may also be that it is the only way to get whatever he desperately needs and cannot communicate. And as a result of extreme frustration that he just cannot handle. Add in sensory confusion and overwhelmed difficult child may resort to manipulation to get what he NEEDS. Wouldn't you? It is an adaptive skill, one he is pretty good at.</p><p></p><p>psychiatrists and tdocs who are not trained in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and other autistic spectrum disorders may very well think his manipulation is off the charts. And it may truly BE off the charts. But there is probably at least part of the manipulation that can be chalked up to trying to get whatever it is he NEEDS and cannot communicate. IF his dad and other relatives do this, it may very well be that they are ALSO Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or otherwiise on the autistic spectrum but never diagnosed. </p><p></p><p>I know for a fact that my dad is Asperger's but he has never been diagnosed. Given the level of his adaptation, he wouldn't be diagnosed now. He learned to cope, and did it well. But when we kids were small he worked all the time. Then one Christmas break everything in the city closed because of a blizzard. And my dad got HIVES from all the stimulation and unexpected by him behaviors that we kids had. NOT that we misbehaved, we generally didn't, but we just overwhelmed him. He got sick because he couldn't cope with 2 kids at home. And he was a high school shop class teacher, used to large quantities of the worst and dimmest bulbs in the school!! </p><p></p><p>That is one illustration of how poorly people on the autistic spectrum can handle situations that are not normally part of their lives. Did my dad get sick with hives because it was a manipulation to get us to leave him alone? No. He had NO control over the hives, it was how his body and mind reacted. It could have been something he faked, but it wasn't. At that time we didn't even know what aspergers was, much less know anything about autism being a spectrum of anything.</p><p></p><p>You may have to push the school to help you develop ways to handle him at home. And it may be years before he can handle another extended home visit. You CAN refuse to take him for a visit, and at least for a few months you SHOULD. He needs time to recover from the visit and to relearn the skills he needs to cope at home. We refused several visits home when Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital for 4 months. The first month when they suggested it I actually laughed uncontrollably. Just the THOUGHT of taking him home when they hadn't even SEEN the behaviors he inflicted on us at home, well, it was hysterical!! They were not amused. But until he showed them his dangerous behaviors, and admitted to what he had done, he was NOT coming home. Period. I KNEW that within a month of a successful home visit they would release him. And he would still be a danger to us. They were not prepared for an educated parent who spent time learning about the disorders her son presented, nor for a husband who backed up that spouse, so they were flummoxed at first. They tried to threaten us with charges of abandonment if we didn't take him on a home visit. I laughed. We were already at the end of an investigation by child services, and NO WAY would they believe we abandoned him. THEY said to never bring him home. Then they tried the guilt trip "He will think you don't love him." So What? he knows it isn't true. If I find out you told him he couldn't come home because his parents don't love him I will have you in front of every regulatory board that exists, and in court for child abuse. </p><p></p><p>So he didn't come home until well into his third month in the psychiatric hospital. He knew we loved him. We loved him enough to make SURE he showed them the dangerous behaviors, and to make SURE they helped him get past those behaviors and learned how to cope.</p><p></p><p>You need to make sure teh Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is teaching your son how to cope. Insist on Occupational Therapy for the sensory issues. If the sensory issues are bad enough that they are listed as a separate diagnosis, tehn they are really severe. So he needs SPECIFIC treatment for them. The brushing therapy is the ONLY therapy I know of that is proven to rewire the brain. It will rewire how his brain handles sensory input. This makes him less likely to get overwhelmed and revert to his non-verbal state.</p><p></p><p>Then, when he starts to revert, you do the brushing therapy every couple of hours and he has a strong likelihood of pulling out of at least some of the problem behaviors. </p><p></p><p>The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) also needs to show you how they deal with him so that you can use those techniques at home. It will make it easier for him to handle the visit, and for you to handle the visit.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry things have been so rough. I hope you stick around awhile! I missed you!</p><p></p><p>Many hugs,</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 287818, member: 1233"] I am so sorry that it was such a traumatic time. in my opinion it was WAY too soon for such a long visit. It probably set him back so far he is at the beginning of where he was when he first when into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or even farther behind. It was irresponsible of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to send him home so soon for so long. Esp over a holiday where kids build up expectations that are often so far beyond what reality can give. That disappointment, combined with an inability to self-soothe or even to entertain himself, is a real recipe for the kind of disaster you have. Refuse home visits for a while. He needs time to recover, and YOU do too. You also need to learn HOW to act on a home visit. You will NEVER get him to the level where he can safely return home if you continue to do movies and eating out and other fun stuff. Schedule ONE activity the first day he is home. Period. After that (movie, a meal out, trip to a store, whatever) you should spend time at home as a family. Do whatever you NORMALLY would do. If he reverts to previous behavior, you know he isn't ready. Be SURE to tell staff how it went HONESTLY. Don't sugar coat anything (LOTS of parents do this), mention EVERY problem! If you don't, then they can't work with him to find a solution. If you fill the trip home with fun things, he will EXPECT this every time he is home. He won't bother to learn to entertain himself because he doesn't feel it is necessary. Don't drive him back again. Arrange transport, even if you have to have an ambulance come to the house. It just is NOT SAFE. You and your easy child could have been killed while difficult child was acting out in the car. And he may have thought he was home for good, so the trip back (even if he was told it was only a vacation) may have surprised him and made him feel you don't love him. Nothing is farther than the truth, I am sure. But htis is how HE may have perceived things, NOT as they truly are. It may take YEARS in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) before he can come home successfully for any length of time. It was just too soon for his new behaviors to become firmly established enough. He is probably as upset as you are, because he probably figured he was home for good. You expected him to behave as well as he did when he visited. It was just too much for him. Did you do ANY of the sensory therapy, the brushing and joint compression? If not, have the staff teach you how and send his therapy brush home when he comes home. This brushing therapy has an amazing ability to calm an upset, frantic or even raging child. At least it did for my difficult child AND my pcs. It would be a great tool to have to help you both survive a visit. If the staff is NOT doing brushing therapy with joint compressions, ask them why not? DEMAND that they provide this therapy. Why? Brushing therapy REWIRES THE BRAIN. It is one of the ONLY things that has been SHOWN to rewire how the brain works. It teaches the brain how to appropriately use sensory input. This makes the child FAR less overwhelmed by any sensory input. Chances are that home held new sensory things (new from what he had at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) and it was more than he could handle. Especially if he didn't have an activity to distract him. ALSO go and buy a copy of "The Out Of Sync Child Has Fun". It is FILLED with loads of activities to help kids with sensory issues. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) should have an Occupational Therapist (OT) on staff who has evaluated difficult child and can tell you what his sensory issues are. Take that knowledge and use the book to devise various sensory activities you can do at home. Most of them are low cost or have budget friendly adaptations. Even on our 1 income budget we managed to do a huge number of the activities. Then use these activities, and the brushing therapy, regularly throughout the day. having difficult child go from a tightly structured day at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to a totally unstructured day is a recipe for disaster. He isn't used to needing to entertain himself. Therefore, any structure you can provide will at least help him maintain. maybe write out a schedule and post it near a clock (writing it big on posterboard can be helpful). Then when he is getting bored he can check to see when the next "thing" is. Even put mealtimes, bedtime, bathtime, tv time on there. It will be a big help. Remember, every moment is sceduled at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). So at home, with NO schedule, it is very overwhelming. He may be incredibly manipulative. Or seem that way. Some of it may be do to needing things that are not provided. It may also be that it is the only way to get whatever he desperately needs and cannot communicate. And as a result of extreme frustration that he just cannot handle. Add in sensory confusion and overwhelmed difficult child may resort to manipulation to get what he NEEDS. Wouldn't you? It is an adaptive skill, one he is pretty good at. psychiatrists and tdocs who are not trained in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and other autistic spectrum disorders may very well think his manipulation is off the charts. And it may truly BE off the charts. But there is probably at least part of the manipulation that can be chalked up to trying to get whatever it is he NEEDS and cannot communicate. IF his dad and other relatives do this, it may very well be that they are ALSO Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or otherwiise on the autistic spectrum but never diagnosed. I know for a fact that my dad is Asperger's but he has never been diagnosed. Given the level of his adaptation, he wouldn't be diagnosed now. He learned to cope, and did it well. But when we kids were small he worked all the time. Then one Christmas break everything in the city closed because of a blizzard. And my dad got HIVES from all the stimulation and unexpected by him behaviors that we kids had. NOT that we misbehaved, we generally didn't, but we just overwhelmed him. He got sick because he couldn't cope with 2 kids at home. And he was a high school shop class teacher, used to large quantities of the worst and dimmest bulbs in the school!! That is one illustration of how poorly people on the autistic spectrum can handle situations that are not normally part of their lives. Did my dad get sick with hives because it was a manipulation to get us to leave him alone? No. He had NO control over the hives, it was how his body and mind reacted. It could have been something he faked, but it wasn't. At that time we didn't even know what aspergers was, much less know anything about autism being a spectrum of anything. You may have to push the school to help you develop ways to handle him at home. And it may be years before he can handle another extended home visit. You CAN refuse to take him for a visit, and at least for a few months you SHOULD. He needs time to recover from the visit and to relearn the skills he needs to cope at home. We refused several visits home when Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital for 4 months. The first month when they suggested it I actually laughed uncontrollably. Just the THOUGHT of taking him home when they hadn't even SEEN the behaviors he inflicted on us at home, well, it was hysterical!! They were not amused. But until he showed them his dangerous behaviors, and admitted to what he had done, he was NOT coming home. Period. I KNEW that within a month of a successful home visit they would release him. And he would still be a danger to us. They were not prepared for an educated parent who spent time learning about the disorders her son presented, nor for a husband who backed up that spouse, so they were flummoxed at first. They tried to threaten us with charges of abandonment if we didn't take him on a home visit. I laughed. We were already at the end of an investigation by child services, and NO WAY would they believe we abandoned him. THEY said to never bring him home. Then they tried the guilt trip "He will think you don't love him." So What? he knows it isn't true. If I find out you told him he couldn't come home because his parents don't love him I will have you in front of every regulatory board that exists, and in court for child abuse. So he didn't come home until well into his third month in the psychiatric hospital. He knew we loved him. We loved him enough to make SURE he showed them the dangerous behaviors, and to make SURE they helped him get past those behaviors and learned how to cope. You need to make sure teh Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is teaching your son how to cope. Insist on Occupational Therapy for the sensory issues. If the sensory issues are bad enough that they are listed as a separate diagnosis, tehn they are really severe. So he needs SPECIFIC treatment for them. The brushing therapy is the ONLY therapy I know of that is proven to rewire the brain. It will rewire how his brain handles sensory input. This makes him less likely to get overwhelmed and revert to his non-verbal state. Then, when he starts to revert, you do the brushing therapy every couple of hours and he has a strong likelihood of pulling out of at least some of the problem behaviors. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) also needs to show you how they deal with him so that you can use those techniques at home. It will make it easier for him to handle the visit, and for you to handle the visit. I am sorry things have been so rough. I hope you stick around awhile! I missed you! Many hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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