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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 620206" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>GB---great words from RE and Cedar. One thing I would like to suggest regarding your wife---It's been said that the moms/sons dynamic is the hardest to break, even harder than moms/daughters and dads/sons/daughters.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if this is true or not, but someone who has lots of experience with families and drug addiction said that to me one time.</p><p></p><p>So his mother is going to probably have a much harder time than you will doing what needs to be done.</p><p></p><p>I was still helping my son after his dad (my ex husband) completely stopped. I am working hard, hard, hard to completely stopped. I have nearly stopped (like a train slowly starting or stopping, that's my speed right now---barely moving). I am working on completely stopping.</p><p></p><p>Some thoughts for you and your wife:</p><p></p><p>1. Ask her to spend some significant time reading Substance Abuse and Parents Emeritus on this site. It is pretty compelling reading so maybe she will be open to it. She will hear these types of truths---we have to stop---we have to stay out of the way---we have to quit enabling---we have to detach----we still love them---over and over and over again. In a million different shapes and sizes.</p><p></p><p>2. Ask her to read the article on detachment Cedar talks about---it is excellent for all people, places and things---not just our difficult children.</p><p></p><p>3. Make an appointment for the two of you---if she will go, with a professional counselor who specializes/has knowledge of addiction. Addiction is a baffling, puzzling, sneaky disease and it hides behind other things and jumps out to surprise you and scare you to death when you least expect it. The counselor needs to know about addiction and enabling and detachment. </p><p></p><p>If you and your wife can get on the same page, even if the degrees are different, your son will be much better off.</p><p></p><p>Eventually---we don't know when. </p><p></p><p>Keep coming back. We are here to help you and your wife. We understand how how it is to accept that our precious precious children who we nurtured and protected and loved---and still do---have turned into monsters that we cannot stand to be around and that we don't respect at all for their attitudes and their behavior. But we still love THEM, and in our love, we keep on and on and on and on and on, way past the point of sanity, because we believe we are supposed to and we are scared to death and we just want them to be okay. </p><p></p><p>We don't know how to stop. We have to learn how to stop and that takes a lot of time and hard work, especially for moms.</p><p></p><p>Blessings, prayers and peace for you, your wife and your precious son today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 620206, member: 17542"] GB---great words from RE and Cedar. One thing I would like to suggest regarding your wife---It's been said that the moms/sons dynamic is the hardest to break, even harder than moms/daughters and dads/sons/daughters. I don't know if this is true or not, but someone who has lots of experience with families and drug addiction said that to me one time. So his mother is going to probably have a much harder time than you will doing what needs to be done. I was still helping my son after his dad (my ex husband) completely stopped. I am working hard, hard, hard to completely stopped. I have nearly stopped (like a train slowly starting or stopping, that's my speed right now---barely moving). I am working on completely stopping. Some thoughts for you and your wife: 1. Ask her to spend some significant time reading Substance Abuse and Parents Emeritus on this site. It is pretty compelling reading so maybe she will be open to it. She will hear these types of truths---we have to stop---we have to stay out of the way---we have to quit enabling---we have to detach----we still love them---over and over and over again. In a million different shapes and sizes. 2. Ask her to read the article on detachment Cedar talks about---it is excellent for all people, places and things---not just our difficult children. 3. Make an appointment for the two of you---if she will go, with a professional counselor who specializes/has knowledge of addiction. Addiction is a baffling, puzzling, sneaky disease and it hides behind other things and jumps out to surprise you and scare you to death when you least expect it. The counselor needs to know about addiction and enabling and detachment. If you and your wife can get on the same page, even if the degrees are different, your son will be much better off. Eventually---we don't know when. Keep coming back. We are here to help you and your wife. We understand how how it is to accept that our precious precious children who we nurtured and protected and loved---and still do---have turned into monsters that we cannot stand to be around and that we don't respect at all for their attitudes and their behavior. But we still love THEM, and in our love, we keep on and on and on and on and on, way past the point of sanity, because we believe we are supposed to and we are scared to death and we just want them to be okay. We don't know how to stop. We have to learn how to stop and that takes a lot of time and hard work, especially for moms. Blessings, prayers and peace for you, your wife and your precious son today. [/QUOTE]
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