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<blockquote data-quote="Mom2oddson" data-source="post: 396343" data-attributes="member: 65"><p>NO!! You are NEVER required to spend time with people that hurt you!! In fact, it's the opposite. You are to love yourself and your family enough to protect them from deliberate pain. </p><p></p><p>Relatives are people that you share DNA with. FAMILY are people that love you and care for you. People that want the BEST for you. Therefore, family and relatives are not always the same people. </p><p></p><p>If your Mom comes to your house and dumps her toxic yuck on your family - protect them! If she came over and actually physically beat your children to the point of broken bones - you'd never allow her into your house. Well, emotional abuse is worse. Bones heal, emotional wounds are harder to heal. </p><p></p><p>My husband is going through this same stuff. He had a drug problem when his children were babies. His Mom got custody of them. He got clean and has been for over 15 years. She gave him back his children, but kept the custody of them. And husband believed that you never take your Mom to court. So, when difficult child-Ant was 15 - she took him. And offered him back if he divorced me. Didn't happen. Then 2 years ago, she took difficult child-Step and said the same thing. Then she took half his pay with the same offer of it would all go away with a divorce from me. </p><p></p><p>It's taken 14 years, but husband now sees how toxic his mother is. And he refuses to have anything to do with her. And yet, on Friday, she has her Big annual look-at-me, look-at-me, I'm the perfect Mommy Christmas Eve party. She sent word through one of the brothers that husband should come to the party. And she's been calling, but he refuses to pick up the phone. He will not be there. And it's hard because there will be a lot of nieces and nephews that we won't get to see. And we love them so much. But, we love our sanity and our peace-of-mind more. It's not worth ruining the whole holiday just to make her happy. Especially when she doesn't care about how we feel. All she cares about is how she will look to others. </p><p></p><p>Susie, I wish there was some way that I could help you. I see how much pain husband is in and I can't imagine your pain. Just know that you aren't alone. And I'm so proud of the steps you have already taken to protect yourself and set your own boundaries. That takes amazing strength and will. I will send you all the cyber support I can to help strengthen you through this. </p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself. And know that I care about you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mom2oddson, post: 396343, member: 65"] NO!! You are NEVER required to spend time with people that hurt you!! In fact, it's the opposite. You are to love yourself and your family enough to protect them from deliberate pain. Relatives are people that you share DNA with. FAMILY are people that love you and care for you. People that want the BEST for you. Therefore, family and relatives are not always the same people. If your Mom comes to your house and dumps her toxic yuck on your family - protect them! If she came over and actually physically beat your children to the point of broken bones - you'd never allow her into your house. Well, emotional abuse is worse. Bones heal, emotional wounds are harder to heal. My husband is going through this same stuff. He had a drug problem when his children were babies. His Mom got custody of them. He got clean and has been for over 15 years. She gave him back his children, but kept the custody of them. And husband believed that you never take your Mom to court. So, when difficult child-Ant was 15 - she took him. And offered him back if he divorced me. Didn't happen. Then 2 years ago, she took difficult child-Step and said the same thing. Then she took half his pay with the same offer of it would all go away with a divorce from me. It's taken 14 years, but husband now sees how toxic his mother is. And he refuses to have anything to do with her. And yet, on Friday, she has her Big annual look-at-me, look-at-me, I'm the perfect Mommy Christmas Eve party. She sent word through one of the brothers that husband should come to the party. And she's been calling, but he refuses to pick up the phone. He will not be there. And it's hard because there will be a lot of nieces and nephews that we won't get to see. And we love them so much. But, we love our sanity and our peace-of-mind more. It's not worth ruining the whole holiday just to make her happy. Especially when she doesn't care about how we feel. All she cares about is how she will look to others. Susie, I wish there was some way that I could help you. I see how much pain husband is in and I can't imagine your pain. Just know that you aren't alone. And I'm so proud of the steps you have already taken to protect yourself and set your own boundaries. That takes amazing strength and will. I will send you all the cyber support I can to help strengthen you through this. Take care of yourself. And know that I care about you. [/QUOTE]
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