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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 396366" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Want to know what I find very interesting about my mother? Shortly before I was born my mother told my gpa (her father) that if she EVER saw him have even ONE drink then he would not EVER see her or her kids again. And when I was about 4-5 my uncle (dad's bro, not mom's) that if he ever tickled me again then he would not ever be allowed near us again. She was dead serious about it. He would tickle me and not stop untl it was HIS idea - regardless of my feelings about it. It HURT when he tickled. Of course me ASKING her to make him stop wasn't enough - it was months later when I had bruises from his tickling and I was having nightmares about it that she took a stand. Just me asking wasn't enough. I have quite a few memories of that time in my life (and earlier) and I clearly remember it. This same uncle isn't allowed near my kids with-o husband or I in the same room because he molested me when I was 16. I never even bothered to tell her or dad about it - no way would they believe me. Dad might have, but mom wouldn't because I was just a "drama queen" and I "over-react to normal things". I managed to block the memory of my uncle for quite a while - until Jess was 10 and I watched him look at her. It came back in a flood. </p><p> </p><p>I do find it interesting that she could set those boundaries but it is some mortal sin if I set a boundary. Even on something as basic as demanding that gfgbro NOT give my kids chewing tobacco, cigarettes or skoal, or that he not let them sit on his lap and drive a car or truck. </p><p> </p><p>It is just so dang hard to break the patterns of a lifetime. My oldest likes her gravy train though he has admitted to us and himself that she did a LOT of things that made it impossible for us to parent him - he knew that whatever he came up with to explain his behavior would be used against me. Jessie has her eyes open pretty much to my mother's manipulations. It is hard to watch her go through this stuff because I know how much it hurts and it must be even worse for her. </p><p> </p><p>I am not sure if it is time for a restraining order or not. I am not a good judge of this yet. I am dreading Christmas. I don't want anything from her except peace. I am quite sure I will be a terrible person again if I don't give her the written plan for making my house/life meet her standards. She has demanded one - and I won't do it. EVER. Once again I called CPS as a preemptive strike. She is claiming that not having hot water means our home is unfit. Our water heater died so we have been boiling water for dishes and baths. No one has had food poisoning, no one has gone unbathed, and we wash all our laundry in cold water anyway unless one of us is really sick. CPS has said that not having hot water is NOT grounds for removal, neither is a dusty house unless a child is having repeated trips to the ER for asthma related problems. Basically unless we have dead animals all over or animal pooh all over they will do NOTHING about her allegations except find the file is unfounded.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, she also wants to speak to my doctors because she is SURE that I am lying to them to get stoned. No way is THAT going to happen - not in THIS life or the next one! In the past I wouldn't have had a problem with her coming, esp if I was overwhelmed and looking at surgery or something. It wasn't a problem then but I was playing her game then. Now that I have stopped, well, things will get worse before they get better. </p><p> </p><p>Thanks for the wise words and unending support. Retraining yourself is hard work, even when you KNOW that you are making much better decisions. I don't think I could handle this with-o you all and husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 396366, member: 1233"] Want to know what I find very interesting about my mother? Shortly before I was born my mother told my gpa (her father) that if she EVER saw him have even ONE drink then he would not EVER see her or her kids again. And when I was about 4-5 my uncle (dad's bro, not mom's) that if he ever tickled me again then he would not ever be allowed near us again. She was dead serious about it. He would tickle me and not stop untl it was HIS idea - regardless of my feelings about it. It HURT when he tickled. Of course me ASKING her to make him stop wasn't enough - it was months later when I had bruises from his tickling and I was having nightmares about it that she took a stand. Just me asking wasn't enough. I have quite a few memories of that time in my life (and earlier) and I clearly remember it. This same uncle isn't allowed near my kids with-o husband or I in the same room because he molested me when I was 16. I never even bothered to tell her or dad about it - no way would they believe me. Dad might have, but mom wouldn't because I was just a "drama queen" and I "over-react to normal things". I managed to block the memory of my uncle for quite a while - until Jess was 10 and I watched him look at her. It came back in a flood. I do find it interesting that she could set those boundaries but it is some mortal sin if I set a boundary. Even on something as basic as demanding that gfgbro NOT give my kids chewing tobacco, cigarettes or skoal, or that he not let them sit on his lap and drive a car or truck. It is just so dang hard to break the patterns of a lifetime. My oldest likes her gravy train though he has admitted to us and himself that she did a LOT of things that made it impossible for us to parent him - he knew that whatever he came up with to explain his behavior would be used against me. Jessie has her eyes open pretty much to my mother's manipulations. It is hard to watch her go through this stuff because I know how much it hurts and it must be even worse for her. I am not sure if it is time for a restraining order or not. I am not a good judge of this yet. I am dreading Christmas. I don't want anything from her except peace. I am quite sure I will be a terrible person again if I don't give her the written plan for making my house/life meet her standards. She has demanded one - and I won't do it. EVER. Once again I called CPS as a preemptive strike. She is claiming that not having hot water means our home is unfit. Our water heater died so we have been boiling water for dishes and baths. No one has had food poisoning, no one has gone unbathed, and we wash all our laundry in cold water anyway unless one of us is really sick. CPS has said that not having hot water is NOT grounds for removal, neither is a dusty house unless a child is having repeated trips to the ER for asthma related problems. Basically unless we have dead animals all over or animal pooh all over they will do NOTHING about her allegations except find the file is unfounded. Oh, she also wants to speak to my doctors because she is SURE that I am lying to them to get stoned. No way is THAT going to happen - not in THIS life or the next one! In the past I wouldn't have had a problem with her coming, esp if I was overwhelmed and looking at surgery or something. It wasn't a problem then but I was playing her game then. Now that I have stopped, well, things will get worse before they get better. Thanks for the wise words and unending support. Retraining yourself is hard work, even when you KNOW that you are making much better decisions. I don't think I could handle this with-o you all and husband. [/QUOTE]
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