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Never Thought Of It This Way
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 577404" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Your therapist is awesome!</p><p></p><p>As for why you didn't think of it/tell him, the others are right. It wouldn't matter if you said this a thousand times to difficult child. You would STILL be wrong in difficult child's eyes.</p><p></p><p>This difficult child attitude toward anything mom says reminds me of Wiz at age 8-9. He firmly believed, deep down in his heart, that we NEVER said anything positive to him. It drove me crazy. Largely because we worked to say 2 positive things for every single negative one. He just was UNABLE to really hear the positives that we told HIM.</p><p></p><p>I fixed this by calling other people to praise him while he was in the room or the next room. He heard everything we ever said that wasn't said TO him. So I used that. I either called, or pretended to call, my parents and friends when I wanted to praise him. I spent a lot of time talking into a phone wth no one at the other end, but it did what we needed to have happen.</p><p></p><p>It let Wiz hear that we truly were proud of him and happy to have him around and it reinforced the good things.</p><p></p><p>Not sure that would help you, but it does show that sometimes a mom just can't say anything a difficult child will believe. In a difficult child mind, we say those things because we HAVE to , not because they are real. When we bring in a 3rd party, it becomes real and good and has a chance to sink in.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 577404, member: 1233"] Your therapist is awesome! As for why you didn't think of it/tell him, the others are right. It wouldn't matter if you said this a thousand times to difficult child. You would STILL be wrong in difficult child's eyes. This difficult child attitude toward anything mom says reminds me of Wiz at age 8-9. He firmly believed, deep down in his heart, that we NEVER said anything positive to him. It drove me crazy. Largely because we worked to say 2 positive things for every single negative one. He just was UNABLE to really hear the positives that we told HIM. I fixed this by calling other people to praise him while he was in the room or the next room. He heard everything we ever said that wasn't said TO him. So I used that. I either called, or pretended to call, my parents and friends when I wanted to praise him. I spent a lot of time talking into a phone wth no one at the other end, but it did what we needed to have happen. It let Wiz hear that we truly were proud of him and happy to have him around and it reinforced the good things. Not sure that would help you, but it does show that sometimes a mom just can't say anything a difficult child will believe. In a difficult child mind, we say those things because we HAVE to , not because they are real. When we bring in a 3rd party, it becomes real and good and has a chance to sink in. [/QUOTE]
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